Sex after kids

Hi friends, my wife and I have had very little action in the bedroom for some time now. I don't want to get into the details what I want to know is what happens to your sex life after kids come along. We have a 1 year old son who's a great sleeper so we have plenty of opportunity for sex and are trying to make another. We can't have babies through sex unfortunately. The thing is I have dreams of having sex like teenagers while we still can. What I mean by that is setting aside a day, a week or a weekend to just go HAM and do it every chance we get and all over the house. We're in our mid 30s so I guess we couldn't do the kind of numbers we could a decade or two ago but if and when the second baby comes I fear that will put paid to this kind of thing for good. I'd love for someone to give me hope and tell me we will still have chances to have weekends full of sex but maybe not until the kids are teenagers. Let me know because I can feel time running out.

 

The girl I dated before I got married had 3 kids who she had custody of. She was in her late 20's/early 30's, and i was early to mid 30's (just recently turned 40). We still always managed to find the time and place, so there's def still hope my man!

Btw, non of the kids were teenagers yet. They ranged from 3-9 years old.

 

Being in your mid thirties with 2 toddlers in the house will wear you out. It did for us and we were twenty somethings raising our brood. As far as sex and working it in around children it becomes secondary sometimes due to the effort put forth tending to the children. For a long time our sex was limited to a quick fuck after the kids were in bed before we went to sleep. But as the children grew so did we sexually. Once they were old enough to be able to sustain themselves with teenager help we headed to a local hotel for a full weekend of play. Our advantage was we both loved sex and having sex with each other. The only thing that stopped us was her becoming medically unable to have sex anymore. Now here's the reason for the hotel. Being there made us concentrate on each other. When at home there is always something needing to be done. We invented a game to play that had sex activities to do depending on the space your token lit upon. Starting Friday we would begin play and by Sunday checkout we each had our fill of sex with too many orgasms to count. Many times we were so tired after the weekend we would go home, have a long afternoon nap, no sex, before picking up the children. Then it was back to the grind until the next weekend getaway several months down the road.

 

I have a 5 year old and an almost 2 year old I'm mid 30's also while our sex lives died off over the last 5 years due to few things generally just being tied mostly and a lack for free time/space and not talking about it enough and baby number 1 being the biggest stressful time in my life, we have however over the last few months started to step our game back up and have gone from 1-2 times a month to 3-5 times a week.
You aren't alone and it can get better. 1st time mum's can forget that they need me time/us time, they can also forget SO needs them as well.
The best advice I can give you is talk to her, let her know she's an amazing mum but you need her to.

 

Quickies, you will have to master the art of quickies, anytime anyplace, this will add to the excitement

 

Having teenagers....doesn't make your sex life any better, it's probably worse - at least you know where they are when they are young and they go to bed and stay there - plus they don't understand what that noise is from mom and dad's room.

You have to make best use of your opportunities. Sex doesn't need to be an all night passionate thing, but make it a priority. If that means it needs to be pre-meditated, so be it - "now, the minute the baby gets to sleep, it's on"... at least planned sex happens. Or use early mornings. Yes, kids are work and stress, but if it fizzles out now, it's not getting any better. Once she gets used to not doing it, her sex drive will go right out of her head. The more you do it, the more you want to do it - if you don't, the less you miss it. You won't have weekends full of sex, but you can sure try - look how much time is spent doing other things that are not helping your relationship - yes, the laundry can wait, no you don't need an hour to do your hair and makeup, no you don't need to fuck around with your phone endlessly, no, you can survive without late night TV, no, you can come home from work on time, no, you don't need to yack with your mother or girlfriends half the day, no you don't need to watch football all weekend or party late with the boys. Priorities. Have that talk - "honey, I need more sex. We need more sex." If you have to keep track and put on your schedule, then do it - to do it....

 

We had to schedule our sex life at home. Even then, we made sure to lock the bedroom door. We had no local relatives to take the kids, so we had to wait until they were old enough to have sleepovers at friends' houses before we could take weekend escapes to hotels. Of course, we reciprocated for friends kids. It was a liberating experience when the last one went off to college and we could have spontaneous sex all over the house again.

 

Much like the last two posters, you have to spy your chance and take the opportunity when it arises. We have two mid to late teenagers in the house, so for us keeping quiet is key. Early morning when there is no chance of them being awake is our favourite time. Now they are older we do have regular hotel nights away, which has perked our sex life up no end.

Before kids spontaneity was taken for granted - post kids (until they leave home) planning is king!

 

Something that is often overlooked of which I recommend is some sort of lock or bolt on the bedroom door.

A simple DIY job can give more "us" time without the fear of being intruded upon.

 

We have 3 kids (12, 10, 5). Lots of sex but we can’t be as spontaneous as we used to. We don’t have sex anywhere but in our bed behind a locked door (bedroom door lock is the best thing in the world). But we still have sex a lot. Averaging maybe 4-5 times a week.

But I’m a woman with a very high sex drive…and I don’t have any infants keeping me up all night. Part of long lasting relationships (and parenthood) is expecting your sex life to have it’s ups and downs.

 

It gets better as the kids get older . Later they will be out with their friends until very early hours giving you plenty of "us" time

 

We've been on a long dry spell since our last but because I have a much higher sex drive than my partner I've had to leave the ball in her court or I come across as pushy. Last night she told me she wants a bath on Tuesday evening and then once the kids are in bed we're having sex...trying not to get too ahead of myself as I've been "promised" before but the look in her eyes and the way she smiled made it seem different this time...fingers crossed!

 

No need for self-pleasure for now.

 

There is nothing wrong with premeditated sex. It may not be super hot as spontaneous, but at least it happens. So, perhaps you get the next turn to make an appointment?

 

When you have kids you have to work round them . Even when they are teenagers you still need to be careful .But stayovers for the kids are useful and frees up space for yourselves . It is second best if being honest but its better than nothing.

 

No offence I'm sure your post is supposed to be helpful but I personally find it a little outdated. Help with dinner and get the kids to bed is something any Dad worth his salt should be doing anyway and I do on a daily basis...I don't need or want advice on how to be a man when it comes to stuff like that because I own that shit. Sorry if I'm overreacting but that stuff wind's me up!

 

The idea that the modern women should feel special because their partner cooked dinner and put the kids to bed is as outdated as me telling you to make yours feel special by fetching his slippers and pouring him a drink when he gets home from work...this isn't mad men...and for the record...I didn't ask anything...merely commented. What you've said also has nothing to do with romance or chivalry.

 

When out children were very young. We slowed down a lot. It is a major task keeping up with two toddlers . The older one showing the younger one what trouble they could get into. We shared cleaning, bathing, washing clothes, picking up toys etc. Both of our days were long and tiring. By ages2 and 4 or so things improved. Plus we were " given" a night off every now and by our parents. Or one or two of my wife's friends. That allowed make up time.

It really does get better. Believe me.

 

my kids are all grown now BUT--- in the day we had all 4 with in 3 years time, starting with twins--- my one daughter had some kind of radar that she would always know when we were getting ready to start.......... and cry and that was the end of that--- we did have a lot of sex in the corner of the sectional (living room was away from bedrooms)


Hang in there they do grow up and it does get better

 

As you say to each their own, you should always do what works for you and ignore the rest. I wasn't trying to be pissy...just don't like comments that lump me into the category of guys who can barely change a nappy or find a kitchen utensil, let alone cook a meal. I'm not saying you were doing that, just that it came across that way at the time.

We're all different and that's a good thing! Certainly nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic!