Seriously what the hell

Discussion in 'Coming Out and Confused!' started by wiggy1987, Apr 21, 2007.

  1. wiggy1987

    wiggy1987 Member

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    OK In my entire 19 years I have never found men attractive. fair enough I might just not have had any experiences. But the thing is I went to an all boys school for 5 years, this meant showering and getting changed with other guys. I can safely say that in that time I never even considered having a relationship with anyone there. All I wanted was girls and had done since primary school when I was 11.

    All this carried on through college. I found myself infatuated with a girl there....and one of the teachers :drool:

    However in University I've suddenly become paranoid about being gay. Its literally come out of the blue. One of the key differences between Uni and the other schools is that I'm now surrounded by girls. no guys really. So basically most of my friends have become girls, I feel quite isolated

    -Its worth noting that only 2 months before this I was doing Gaelic football, it was basically jam packed with lots of tall good looking irish guys. However all the time I was purely interested in the girls on the female team. I actually enjoyed my time there

    I have actually tried looking at gay porn my basic reaction was my heart speed shot up, my hands started shaking and lost my appetite, there is slight arousal sometimes. not full blown hard on sort of thing though, mainly because its sex related, cant say I was attracted to the men. I even tried *sorry bout this* pleasuring myself to it and all I could do was sort of think "this is weird"

    I have actually stood in my room and said "I'm gay" then when I think about what that means I just shake my head and in my heart of hearts I know I could never love another man.

    The main issue is that these worries keep coming back, seriously what the hell is wrong with me. I actually get moments when I know 100% that I'm straight, its like being refreshed again. my head is clear, my stress goes away and I feel like the me I've known all my life. But when I start to question it again I become depressed and lazy. I'm asking on a gay forum, because anywhere else and all I'd get would be "lol fag"

    I've been told its an obsessive compulsive disorder and its probably not being helped by my lack of male friends

    I dont know what I expect here but, I'd just like some understanding and posable advice on the issue. If you want some more info on the OCD heres a link

    P.S. yes I'm weird [​IMG]
  2. *Andy*

    *Andy* Senior Member

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    Okay firstly let me say that you are not weird at all. What you are going through is normal. It happened to me though much earlier than it did to you. That article was BS in some parts by the way.

    "Rule one: If you say you are heterosexual, then you are. Period." What the fuck? That's horribly wrong.

    Interesting in other bits though.

    What I advise: Give it time. This kinda thing does happen. You will work things out sooner or later I'm sure. When did this kinda thinking start? I used to be infatuated with a girl or two before but then I began thinking the same thing as you.

    I think you need to think about what kinda guy you find attractive (if any). Think of that and then just Google it and see if you're turned on. One of the reasons I got confused was because I loved (and still do) fat, hairy guys which I thought was weird and unnatural. When I started looking at pictures of it and talking to people and seeing that it was normal, I stopped questioning my sexuality really.

    Give it time. I'm sure someone else has some advice too!
  3. wiggy1987

    wiggy1987 Member

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    I've had a look...nothing really turns me on so to speak. I mean I can spot a good body, but I dont want to shag em! :D
  4. pianoperson60

    pianoperson60 Senior Member

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    Its hard to give an answer to ya here, because yeah, I could say that I too felt the same feelings as you before I came out and started realizing my gay tendencies- the idea of doing anything sexually with another sounded plain ridiculous and I never thought I would want to do that. So I could say that I felt hte same way, and then woudn up coming out gay.

    But that doenst mean you will.
    Like Andy said,give it time, try things out, like looking stuff up on the internt, although you already seemt o have, just go with patience and try not to force anything- if you are gay or bi, you will know and begint o get used ot it- otherwise, this is just a random phase youre going trhough, being paranoid about being gay.

    good luck,
    cheers and love,

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