A reporter interviewed a 104 year old woman. He asked her, "What do you think is the best thing about being 104?" She simply replied, "No peer pressure." Just before funeral services, the undertaker approached the elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98", replied the widow, "two years older than me." "So you’re 96." the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it? I’ve sure gotten old. I’ve had 2 by-pass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, poor circulation; can hardly feel my hands and feet any more. I can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92, and I’ve lost all my friends. But, Thank God, I still have my California driver’s license. A 97 year old man told his Doctor, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied the Doctor, "You’re 97; don’t you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "Damned right it is," said the old man, "that’s why I want it lowered." God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do like, and the eyesight to tell the difference. An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. She told her Rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdale’s. "Bloomingdale’s!!!" exclaimed the Rabbi, Why Bloomingdale’s?" She answered, "Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
