Sarcasm Interfering with Sex Talk

My boyfriend of 3 months has a fantastic sense of humor which I love and I would never want him to change. But last night we were talking about sex. He was asking me if I would ever want to be whipped until I bleed. I said, "No, I wouldn't want that." He asked if I would watch a porn that had whipping and bleeding in it. I said, "I wouldn't want to watch a porn like that." He said, "I didn't ask if you wanted to. I asked if you would." He repeated it a few times. I guess he was trying to be funny but it freaked me out.

I really want him to share his fantasies with me, no matter how "edgy" they may be. I've always told him that he can share his fantasies with me although I may or may not want to enact them. But it was weird last night. It led to our first argument, and then he said, "You can't handle the fantasy" and he said that obviously he can't talk to me about those things.

Who is right? Who is wrong? What do we do now? I'm thinking maybe we can try talking about it again tonight with some ground rules, like no joking or sarcasm while we discuss sexual fantasies, especially the idea of pain infliction.

 

There is no wrong or right. You guys need to talk about it, nobody else can tell you what he thinks or what you think.

 

That's not going to help you any.

I'll wager you he doesn't think he was being sarcastic ... so a "no sarcasm" rule wouldn't have changed a thing

 

Sounds more like he is into something you are not and really wants to be all over it. My fear for you is you would be hurt, why he didn't bother coming up with other stuff similar but not so damaging looking is beyond me. Things get brought up and usually if it's too harsh a person would attempt at a lesser level but he didn't seem to want to budge, kinda like when you were a kid asking mom for ten bucks, she offers five and you settle, for a quick example, be concerned, you have only known him in the dating sense 3 months. If this is his first attempt at strange sex (and I say that meaning beyond "Text book old sex" or common sex) and it's an argument you have more to worry about down the road, IMO.
There is nothing wrong with a little pain but it depends greatly on what you know you would except as sex and what's abuse to you or just not in your likings. He really needed to back it up to a lesser degree and see what you'd think then.
I have been asked if I want certain things, not like bleeding but if I said no I wouldn't be around if that wasn't good enough of an answer to look at other options or something not so bad. To me that's harmful and I wouldn't take it off anyone. It can leave life long scars on you that you might have to explain to someone else later.
My bet is he gets you tied up once for something else and you get the whipping You don't want.

 

What just happened there way he's into something you aren't and he wants to try it and is probably stubbornly wondering why you won't try it. And since he wants to try it, "no" is going to drive him up walls.

 

I think that if he was serious, he should respect you if you honestly do not want to do something. If you don't want to be whipped you do not have to. It kinda sounds like he was pressuring you.
It kind of scared me when you said he said that he didn't ask if you wanted to, he asked if you would.
I personally would have been mad.

 

If I was you, I would have asked him if he wanted to whip me until I bleed. If he said yes, I would then asked if he wanted to be whipped by me until he bleed? If he said no, he would be history...

 

saying that someone is obviously joking because they say something you disagree with is basically the real life equivalent of the internet phenomenon where people accuse everyone who disagrees with them of being a troll.

 

I'd be a bit worried about the bleeding part....

 

word.

 

I suggest a new playmate!

 

I do too, this one goes beyond what most new to it would in the beginning, like he wants to start at advanced level and who knows what else he already has done and likes his way.
Pushy about it or what,,, if my man asked me to let him do something I would probably let it happen but if he said it needed to hurt me the first time I would run away, especially if I had never done it before and he acted as if I just should. No one starts off like that. It's built up on and when it becomes about to be too much that's where it is. Not bleeding on first attempt.
I have to wonder about his back ground. This is where knowing more about him like his family and long term friends might help a woman decide to worry or not.
My guy told me about himself, what's great is he is not shy to take me to his friends and family and they back him up by little things that are said, common things that he has already said many times over in our conversations. It helps that he grew up with most of his friends and they get along with me like I was always there but that's not always the case for some relationships, I know. Best to look at all that's available especially when your man says he likes to see blood during sex.
You know, we haven't heard back from this OP, here or in any other thread so it worries me something went wrong or maybe it's just a trolling,,, sorry but it's funny not to hear something when they have only one post here.

 

Your BF might be "funny" as you put it, but he may also have a sicker domination side about him as well. It would be smart of you to figure out more about that.

Also I'll say this. It's an odd saying but is actually true in many ways that what you find so intriguing about a person up front is often times what ends up driving you nuts later on. So this "sarcastic" side of him may make you laugh now, but once you've heard all his jokes it may start to drive you nuts when you can't talk serious with him as he keeps interjecting sarcastic responses and such.

Bottom line you have two things to think about here, one is this could be weird obsession he has with whipping and it could just be he was being an idiot and pushing a "sarcastic" point too far. But still you need to figure out the extent to this and maybe put it back on him and say "would you like me to whip you till you bleed?" just to see what his reaction is and what sarcastic comment he comes back with. The other aspect is this whole sarcastic style he has. Again it may make you laugh now, but it could make you cringe later too...

 

This is a great response and I would seriously heed what Sally wrote. Very seriously. Especially the last sentence.