Roommate Issues

I know this is the Stoner's Lounge and most of the replies will be "shit in his pillowcase" but maybe someone will be able to offer advice because they were in a similar situation.

Last August when I moved into my dorm, I did not know my roommate but our high schools were only 30 minutes apart and when I talked to him on Facebook he seemed pretty cool. The lottery you enter to get a random roommate will first ask you a few simple questions about your lifestyle. We were matched up mostly because both of us play guitar. Before we moved in he said that he had a fridge and stereo to bring but did not have a TV. I spent some time on Craigslist and found a 32" LCD TV for $450. This is not something Mommy and Daddy bought for me, I used up a good chunk of the money I saved up over the summer to buy it.

I am not a confrontational person, I try to get along with people that have to see often. After the first week things were going alright. I went out and bought a small set of silverware, plates and cups to use if I made food. Without asking, my roommate (I'll refer to him as Ed) decided to help himself anytime he needed a plate. I was OK with that and told him where I kept the dish soap, towels and sponges when the dishes piled up. 7 months have gone by and the only time he will do the dishes is when he needs a plate so he cleans off just the one he needs. A couple months ago Ed broke one of the plates by dropping it on the ground. He looked up at me, grabbed another plate and went back to making food. Didn't bother to apologize or even pick up the broken plate.

I went back home several times during the first semester to go see friends that were still in the area. Hours before I planned to leave Ed would tell me to wait a couple hours for him to get out of class and get his shit packed. I was fine with that as I wasn't all in a big hurry. It's a little more than 3 hours to get back home and when we are almost back Ed asks me to drop him off at his house about 45 minutes out of my way. The first time I thought nothing of it and dropped him off. As I'm getting ready to head back to school, Ed would call me and tell me to come pick him up on my way back. I was a little peeved the first time but thought I would just be nice because I was probably going to get a little gas money anyways. Wrong. Every time I have driven Ed home or back to school he will not offer me any money for going out of my way to drop him off and pick him up. After a couple times I refused to drop him off or pick him up at home, instead meeting his parents somewhere that was not out of my way. The last time I picked Ed up we were talking about getting some food when he mentioned his dad had given him $20 for gas and food for the ride back. He spent some of it on food and the rest on cigarettes.

I noticed after I moved in that Ed did not have a printer. Printing papers in the library costs a few cents a page and it can be a pain in the ass to walk all the way to the library. Ed asked me one day if I could print something for him. I said sure and he handed me a flash drive and I went ahead and printed a paper for him. A couple days later Ed takes it upon himself to look through my desk drawers to find the CD for the printer and install the software on his own computer. When Ed needs to print something now he just pulls the USB cable out of my computer, prints his shit and throws the USB cable back towards my desk. Last semester Ed had a class that required him to print out a lot of drawings that used a lot of ink. I replaced the cartridge ($20) before the semester was even over because Ed had so much shit to print.

When we moved in it was still somewhat warm outside so we kept a fan in the window to keep the room cool. Ed and I both agreed we would rather sleep in a cool room than a warm room. Even in the dead of winter (temperatures around 0 degrees F at night) Ed keeps the window cracked and a small fan blowing the cold air into the room. I've closed the window several times at night while saying "damn, it's cold as fuck outside". I wake up in the morning and find the window open and the fan blowing.

I don't keep much in the fridge because really the only thing I need to keep cold are drinks. I always make sure to keep a few Starbucks Frappuccinos in the fridge so I'll be concious for my morning classes (yes, I know they are girly but they taste amazing and will keep you awake no matter how hungover you are). Ed also drinks these occasionally but rarely takes the effort to go buy them. Every once in a while I will wake up in the morning, knowing I had at least one or two frappuccinos, to find them all gone. The second I drink one of his he complains that know he only has one more left.

I knew trying to play my guitar in a dorm was going to be difficult. I brought along a nice set of headphones incase I wanted to eliminate all outside noises without cranking my amp up so loud that it would shake the dorm. I don't use them too often because they really destroy the tone and can be pain in the ass so I just deal with it by playing at a reasonable level. Everytime Ed plays, he feels the need to play at a completely unreasonable volume even if I'm trying to hear myself play. Not too long ago, Ed got a banjo which was cool until I had to hear him play the same couple of pieces over and over. If you think you have nerves of steel, try listening to someone screwing around on a banjo for a couple hours. You'll be shoving a barrel in your mouth faster than you can say "Deliverance".

I'll admit my music selection is pretty narrow but I can tolerate most types of rock. I've never been a Beatles fan but I think I have now heard all of their albums 10 times each all the way through. Ed feels the need to play his music so loud that I cannot hear music on my Ipod with headphones on and the volume turned almost all the way up. Both Ed and I were in chorus in high school. I enjoyed singing but mostly stayed in the class because of the people I met. You won't hear me sing very often but Ed always has to be singing(mumbling), keeping a beat, humming or making some other noise.

I'll admit that I'm a bit OCD when it comes to being neat but I really just like to keep things in the same place while not having visible clutter. I could really care less about what Ed's side of the room looks like but Ed has so much shit that I'll often come back from class to find guitar cases, clothes, etc all over my bed or desk.

This part pisses me off the most. During the first semester had a girlfriend that was going to another college. They talked on a videochat every night which was nice because it would be fairly quiet. Ed met a girl here that he began spending a lot of time with somewhere around October. He was soon talking about how he was sick of his girlfriend etc. Just after dumping her, she was replaced with this new girl I'll call Katie. I have nothing against Katie personally but she is now constantly in our room. Remember my TV that I mentioned earlier? Katie and Ed love to sit around all night watching horrible movies on my TV. When I protest and say I want to watch something on TV they will bitch about how they "were planning on watching this movie all day". If I don't feel like dealing with their shit I'll just let them watch their movie and do something else. Within the first 30 minutes they are all over each other, making the most annoying noises. The movie they were so intent on watching is completely ignored for the next hour and a half. I spend a lot of my time on the weekends with various friends off campus and let Ed know that I will be gone for the day so he can do what he pleases with his girlfriend but still he has to bring her into the room for several hours everyday of the week.

TL;DR?
My roommate does a lot of little things that annoy me but overrall I would say he can be fairly rude at times. I have tried to mention things here and there while still attempting to be friendly but either Ed cannot figure out that I would appreciate him being more curteous or he enjoys being rude.

How do I approach Ed and let him know that I have several problems with him without creating a tense situation for the rest of the year? Moving to a different room is not much of an option but could be done but I'd have to threaten to harm myself because of my situation before they'd take me seriously (threatening your roommate does not work and if it is serious enough they will attempt to kick you out).

 

Woah, this is way too long to read.

 

Why can't they move him instead?

 

According to Housing and Residence Life, they will only move people around if the situation is dangerous. That's the official statement for "we overcrowded the dorms at the beginning of the semester and even now we don't have enough rooms to move people around unless they are at each others throat".

I completely understand. At the bottom is a TL;DR meaning "too long; didn't read" if you just want to get the summary but you have to read the whole thing to understand.

I like "Ed" most of the time but he seems to forget that he is living in close proximity to others. Someone in our hall came by once and asked me if I could keep it down while I played guitar. Ed wasn't there at the time and I had to explain to him that Ed was the one playing at high volumes.

 

Don't parents teach their kids how to act anymore? There's just no excuse for such a gross lack of courtesy.

 

I completely agree. This past semester I had the most ignorant, selfish roommate ever. He would always bring these fat chicks home when he was drunk and fuck them with me in the room trying to sleep because I, unlike him, went to class. He'd eat all my food, dirty my dishes, blast music when I would sleep/nap, sleep all day when I wanted to maybe listen to music or watch TV, but out of respect I would use headphones.

I can't offer much advice because I transfered because the school was horrible but I'd just say confront him about it. Worst that can happen is it'll be a little awkward with you, but he'd probably ease up...for a while. And the best is he'll understand and quit being a douche.

(if all else fails, shit in his pillow)

 

Well it's not hard, FUCK ED.

FUck that asshole. Duh. Fucking kick him out, confront him, kick his ass. Dont be such a damn pussy, it's your shit.

Fuckin tell him or get a new room mate.

 

obviously it is not as easy as just kicking the discourteous asshole out. i say you have a handful of options. IMO, here they are:
1- tell those in charge that it is a dangerous situation, for him. you are afraid you'll lose your temper and strangle him with his patch cord. cons- premeditated. not likely to go over well.
2- kill him with kindness, this is the path you are on. letting things slide, not really mentioning it. if you were any kinder you'd be green and fluffy with all sorts of pretty crystals. cons- you are going to need a lot of green stuff with pretty crystals.
3- destroy his stuff, steal his girlfriend, rub raw chicken on the dishes. cons- could get in trouble for damage to property, stds, and you'll probably get stuck cleaning up his excrement.
4- fight fire with fire, watch loud movies, start a moldy experiment in 'his' refrigerator, learn to play the accordion, or bagpipes. cons- its hard to irritate when most of it involves your stuff.
5- prove the point. separate your stuff. get a few trunks, buy locks, wash your dishes and silverware and insert in said trunks. lock up your printer, and your software. lock your computer files. lock up everything you own, except your alarm clock. as for your tv, put it in storage (hell, you aren't using it anyway) or loan it to a friend.
cons- the prick will probably shit in your pillowcase.

by removing the ability of this asshole to irritate you, you leave him bound and gagged. kinda sucks to go through the extra trouble, but you have every right to separate your belongings. or you could call his mommy, and tell her what a bad boy he is.
but anyway, i did read it all, and this is the marijuana forum, the stoners lounge is a subforum.

 

Ask him to stop he if doesnt listen ask him again with a crowbar to show you're serious, if he still doesnt listen a couple of blows to the head should do the trick.

Hope this helps

 

I say go with Mother's Love fifth option. Lock up all your shit and when he asks why tell him he brought it on himself, that being rude to people comes with a price.

 

I agree.

also, just stop enabling him in general. Both of you are not thinking about the consequences of your actions. he is obviously acting very rude and not thinking. but you are enabling him with your actions. You have to think about your choices before you make them. by letting him get away with his actions you are making it worse for yourself, and letting him think that his actions are ok.

I'm not saying you should be rude or even confront him. you need to make it so these actions can't continue. Be in charge of your things and your life. communicate. forgive, but never forget.

 

Shit, I wasn't even stoned and managed to get this in the wrong forum. Well if the mods see it and move it to the Stoners Lounge it will probably be better.

Thanks for contributing the first good piece of advice. For all the morons that didn't read, I CAN NOT KICK HIM OUT. This is a dorm situation and going through the proper channels to get a new roommate is nearly impossible.

1. I'm not going to threaten him to get a new roommate, like I said earlier I have to threaten to hurt myself.
2. This kid is the definition of mooch. He takes all the kindness in the world and turns it into "what can I get out of you".
3. Raw chicken, eh? Seriously considering this one but I doubt he'd be smart enough to figure it out but it would be worth the laughs.
4. I've attempted to fight fire with fire but I still try to be considerate of the other people around me. Last night Ed was watching an episode of Lost with Katie on his computer. Most people would grab two sets of headphones and enjoy but Ed decides to play the sound through his stereo speakers. He turns to me and says "you haven't seen this episode yet but your about to hear the entire thing."
5. I thought about this one for a while and it makes the most sense. While it would be a pain to lock up all my shit, I know getting rid of my TV would get rid of Katie. I'm going to ask a friend if she wants to borrow my TV for a while. I'll tell Ed that I pawned it off.

 

That's the problem, I'm too nice when I first meet people. I wouldn't go as far as saying I'll give someone the shirt off my back but if someone needs something I'll do my best to help them.

The one behavior I knew that had to stop immediately was driving Ed home and back to school. I'm not his fucking chauffeur and I made that clear after the first few times. It is no longer a problem now because I simply don't tell him I am leaving to go back home and while he is gone I just grab my shit and leave.

I've mentioned various little things to him but he keeps repeating the same behavior. I don't want to confront him because I WILL be stuck with him for the rest of the year. I enjoy pulling elaborate pranks and plan on fucking with if he keeps this shit up.

 

why don't you just get a girl and have some hot kinky sex right in front of him sometime.

and everytime katie is over, invite your girl over and repeat the above action.

katie will either be disgusted, or turned on. if they ask to swing, maybe i'll bring the two of you closer and all your problems will be solved. but hopefully she's grossed out, therefore never wanting to be in your room and thereby dragging ed out with her.

plus you get sex, the hot kinky kind too

 

I've thought about this one but that would just tell Ed that he can do whatever he wants with Katie in the room. I have no interest in swinging with Katie. Having to look at her greasy hair is enough for me.

 

the turning point here was katie getting grossed out at having to watch you brutally fuck some other girl (i'm talking about LOUD moans, and tons of spanking too) every time she wants to see her boyfriend... so then she'll never want to be in your room... so then ed and her go into her room and annoy her roommate and everything will be fanstastic.

many things can go wrong with this plan though.

 

Your best bet is to take him somewhere other than your room and have a conversation. Maybe go have a drink somewhere or grab a bite a Taco Bell or for coffee, IDK, someplace comfortable. I would take him someplace public so it does not get out of hand. I suggest that you list out your concerns on a piece of paper and refer to them when speaking to him about it. This will help you focus on your biggest concerns. Keeping in mind that you need to throw in a couple of good things, if you can, that make him a good roommate. Tell him that being roommates with anyone can be a big problem and that you guys need to work together in order to make sure that you both don't get upset. Feel free to ask him some things that piss him off and be aware of them. Like any relationship it's all about compromise. If you guys don't comunicate then you need to really consider getting another roommate but then you might end up with another problem that is worse than what you have to deal with right now. I would also mention that to him as well. Better the devil that you know. A lot of the things that you have mentioned seems to me that you did not discuss it with him before hand. You should not expect gas money from him if you did not tell him you were expecting it. I am just using that as an example, you might have had that conversation for all that I know. He is not going to know you are pissed if you don't tell him. The most important thing is not to let it blow up. Don't get mad when you talk to him. Discuss everything in a calm manner and don't make accusations. Sharing can be a good thing sometimes. Good Luck

 

i read your whole story but not all of the replies.

i completely agree, he was being a dick on all accounts. basically you just have to tell him firmly but not too aggressively, unless you WANT to fight him.

just say "dude, you've gotta do the dishes....or stop using em"
or "i did buy the tv"
but try to still be a decent room mate

 

Thanks for the well thought out reply. The idea of going somewhere to get food, coffee, etc with him is great but anytime he leaves the dorm Katie is bound to be with him. I'd like to have the conversation without her because a lot of my frustration comes from her being around constantly. Having two people in a 17'X10' room is more than enough.

I may just have a short conversation with him about playing music loud and keeping the window open at night. Depending on how he takes that, I will move on to the "stop using all my shit without asking me" conversation. When it comes down to Katie, I know he will get pissed. You can go ahead and call me an asshole now but I may just settle that one myself. When Ed went home for Christmas break he hung out with his ex most of the time. He told me that they both agreed on breaking up (they broke up in November) because they lived too far apart and just did not get along all the time. Then he went on to tell me that he just hung out with her when he wanted to fuck her. I have no idea when his actual relationship with Katie started but it was before Christmas break. He still talks to his ex online occasionally and texts her. I'm sure if I wanted them to break up I could drop Katie a few hints along with some proof.

 

First of all, while it may seem appealing to get even by fucking with his shit, you DO NOT want to get in a roommate feud. Retaliation leads to more retaliation, and I have friends who went through that, and it is a bad situation for everyone involved. Confront him about the stuff that bothers you. Stick up for yourself, it seems like you let things slide to avoid conflict, stop that. If things don't change, then stop letting him use your shit. Just don't be a little weasel fucking with his stuff. Trust me.