river of light

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Fierce_Flawless, May 23, 2004.

  1. Fierce_Flawless

    Fierce_Flawless Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    the rythym of citizens
    moving in unison
    pulsing down the street
    flowing through a channel
    i can never trace

    how could i explain such innocence
    such helplessness and such grace
    beneath one sky

    you can feel the fear
    drifting down twenty-third street
    you can watch it washing over
    you don't need to see clearer
    you don't need to get any wiser or older

    it's evident all around us
    the power that we possess
    it's evident all around us
    our listless endlessness



    beneath one sky
     
  2. tourmaline

    tourmaline Member

    :) i think this is about human potential.... i like how you illustrate human's moving in a pattern unaware....great piece
     
  3. how life has to carry on regardless of good or bad.

    lovely picture of time in motion
    movement of emotions too.
    very thoughtful piece here.

    love n peace from saff
     
  4. ArtLoveMusic

    ArtLoveMusic Senior Member

    your poems strike something in me..... they are ... lovely :)
     
  5. lordcthulhu

    lordcthulhu Member

    Truely a buetiful Poem.
     
  6. ravenapples

    ravenapples Member

    In the words the lengendery(<--speelcheck) Guru you got Skillz. Very moving piece very powerful. Just got to make a few critiques, the end of the first and last stanza don't flow to me, but maybe that's just me. It's only really noticeable because the rest is gellin' so nicely.
    And a question.
    Is the third stanza about the enemy?
     
  7. sunflowerAlys

    sunflowerAlys Member

    i cant write like that

    pretty precious
     
  8. mellow75

    mellow75 Member

    i pictured the channel of people as people commuting in the streets then i thought maybe its a channel of light that we are following, life is flowing to some distant destination

    Mellow
     
  9. Fierce_Flawless

    Fierce_Flawless Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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