6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell 6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance and Republican Purity Oath 6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment) 6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing 6:45:15 PM Seminar #1: Getting Your Kid a Military Deferment or "You've Got Priorities" 7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong 7:35 PM Freedom Fries served 7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury: It's What's for Dinner 8:00 PM Vote on which countries to invade next 8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh from Oxycotin OD 8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children 8:30 PM Antonin Scalia leads a round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only) 8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future 9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man" 9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong and First Highway Line Snort 9:10 PM EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires 9:30 PM Breakout session for Dick Cheney's secret energy meetings 10:00 PM Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas 10:15 PM Karl Rove Lecture: Doublespeak Made Simple or "How to Convince People that the Sky is Red and the Sun Rises in the West" 10:30 PM Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: How to Ask and Answer Your Own Questions, Squint and Talk Macho Even When You Feel All Squishy Inside 10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "Deer in Headlights" stare 10:40 PM John Ashcroft Demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt 10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans 10:45:06 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong, Second Highway Line and First Rush Limbaugh Pill Gobbling Contest 10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy 11:10 PM Hilary Clinton PiƱata Bash 11:20 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult 11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again 11:35 PM Blaming Clinton - 2010 and Beyond 11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies and reads to Dubya 11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself 12:00 PM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord and Emperor of the Universe for Life I'm not necessarily Liberal, but I found that funny as hell.
ROFL, excellent The one about Trees being the real cause of forest fires almost made me shoot coffee out of my nose.
i cant beleave it but in 2000 i worked for the republican national convention in philly i had to do it to pass 7th grade...all i did was paint posters...but i got a free trip to philly i am deffinitly not republican i am ultra liberal
"PM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord and Emperor of the Universe for Life" Silly Cirrosis, don't you know that the Reverand Sun Yung Moon already has that title?
Yes, I heard on the Daily Show. But if you'll notice, this was written long before that, and was not written by me.