I've been studying stuff about sexual healing, and right now I am studing sexual repression. Sexual repression often begins in childhood, but can continue through adulthood too. I've been studying my own sexual repression, as can be found in my blog, but I am interested in other people's experiences. This is a serious post. When is the first time you can remember receiving the message that your sexual thoughts, sexual feelings, and/or sexual behaviors were not okay? What happened? Who sent the message? How did it make you feel at the time? How do you feel thinking of it now? Did it affect you, if so, how? If you have other memories of receiving this message, feel free to share those too, or even if you still get this message today. Have you dealt with it? If so how? Have you even thought about this subject yet? Is it something you've realized has greatly affected your life, something that you need to work through? I would like to ask that, seeing how this is a serious topic I've created, that everyone respect everyone else's answers and not be rude.
When is the first time you can remember receiving the message that your sexual thoughts, sexual feelings, and/or sexual behaviors were not okay? Well, when in Sunday school. The catholic religion instills in children that any unholy feelings bring you to eternal damnations doorstep so I always felt sexual feelings were bad. What happened? I was told that any sexual feelings I may be having is the cause of the devil and to think sexual feelings before marriage is a bit of a sin. So whenever I got aroused or found a girl sexy I felt very guilty. Who sent the message? Priest, nuns, my grandmother. How did it make you feel at the time? Frightened, sad, lost. How do you feel thinking of it now? It was horrible, but now I've learned sexual feelings are nothing more than extensions of our humanity. Safe sexual feelings are normal and shouldnt be repressed. Did it affect you, if so, how? it made me realize that maybe their stories werent true and I just explored my emotions and it made me more rebellious and easy-going and accepting of other people, and it made me curious at to what types of sexual exploration was out there. If you have other memories of receiving this message, feel free to share those too, or even if you still get this message today. Have you dealt with it? If so how? Have you even thought about this subject yet? Is it something you've realized has greatly affected your life, something that you need to work through? Well, there's always been church that has told me and others so, and it made me question religion, my religion, my god and everything else in life I was told was true. It made me question everything and I didnt always like what I discovered, but it made me stronger and to question "truth". I would like to ask that, seeing how this is a serious topic I've created, that everyone respect everyone else's answers and not be rude.
Thank you, Terminal for your response. That's what I was looking for. I found it really interesting, especially the correlation between your upbringing in the catholic church and the path you took afterwards.
When is the first time you can remember receiving the message that your sexual thoughts, sexual feelings, and/or sexual behaviors were not okay?when i was 11 What happened? i had pix of a guy (that i had a crush on) on my wall and my step dad said i shouldn't have crushes its not right and 2 weeks later he raped me at age 11 and said that i deserved it cuz im a dirty whore just like my mom. i went to the cops and told them but they didn't beleive me they beleived my step dad he said i was just lying to get attention and that i was doing all these drugs that inever heard of. somehow no matter what i did or said it didn't help me Who sent the message? my step dad How did it make you feel at the time? confused, hated, like i deserved what happened How do you feel thinking of it now? im going to kill that motherfucker if he ever touches me or my younger sister Did it affect you, if so, how? yes, i have manic dpression, post traumatic stress disorder, ever since that night ive been an insomniac, well any guy i had sex with i was scared and i would have really bad flashbacks until i met my current bf now im fine. If you have other memories of receiving this message, feel free to share those too, or even if you still get this message today. Have you dealt with it? If so how? Have you even thought about this subject yet? Is it something you've realized has greatly affected your life, something that you need to work through? I would like to ask that, seeing how this is a serious topic I've created, that everyone respect everyone else's answers and not be rude.[/QUOTE]
Thank you, FallenFairy. I'm sure it took a lot to write that. I am sorry that you've had such a rough time, and I apologize for having sent you back on a bad memory trip, and also to anyone else that this has brought up bad feelings. I didn't realize that my questions could be so far-reaching. I'm learning a lot even though only two people have responded so far!
it's no problem at all ive had to deal with this for 7 years and well every guy ive dated ive had to deal with it and i know that sooner or later that asshole is going to get his .
When is the first time you can remember receiving the message that your sexual thoughts, sexual feelings, and/or sexual behaviors were not okay? First time my mom caught me touching myself, I was 12 and the ass chewing and guilt trip she put on me was horrible. What happened? I know I didn't touch myself or anything for a long time until the guilt subsided. Who sent the message? Mom, and my dad a bit too just by his comments about sex in general How did it make you feel at the time? Nasty, like I was doing something perverted. How do you feel thinking of it now? Angry Did it affect you, if so, how? Yeah I affected me for a while, then I started to blow the feelings she gave me off, as I got older I hid my sexual feelings, made sure they were asleep and kept it as private as I could, I really kept my distance from my mom. In the end the reason I left (or got kicked out) had to do with my sexuality too. My parents couldn't use religion as the reason just that they are up tight non-sexual people. Mother Earth only knows how in the hell I was conceived!
When is the first time you can remember receiving the message that your sexual thoughts, sexual feelings, and/or sexual behaviors were not okay? i was about 7 or 8, What happened? my parents found out i had french kissed my girl neighbor ( who was a little younger than me...) and made me feel really dirty and wrong for kissing a girl. Who sent the message? my parents How did it make you feel at the time? like crap.. very dirty and embarassed How do you feel thinking of it now? now i know that my mother is a prude (we've had talks about it, and i've talked to my stepdad too: he is very open and more comfortable with sexual expression) and there was nothing wrong with what i did because i have found that girls experiment with each other lots when they're that age. Although I still have a little bit of embarassment for some reason. Did it affect you, if so, how? i think so... i didnt kiss anyone else until i was 16, which was very late compared to all my friends... i also had issues with fearing i would turn out a lesbian when i found out what a lesbian was. i was also very paranoid of older men growing up, but i don't know where that came from. i think my mom scared me about that too.... If you have other memories of receiving this message, feel free to share those too, or even if you still get this message today. Have you dealt with it? If so how? Have you even thought about this subject yet? Is it something you've realized has greatly affected your life, something that you need to work through? i've thought through this subject a little bit lately actually... i read in a sex guide book that girls who are raised in sexually healthy, expressive homes usually lose their virginity to a serious boyfriend and keep sex in stable relationships, while those who are raised in sexually repressive homes (very religious, etc) are more likely to lose their V when drunk, or to non-serious bfs, and to feel really guilty about sex as well... i have to say my family was not overly religious, but i have had issues with guys... i lost my V to my first serious boyfriend, i was almost 18 and we had been dating only 3 months... since then, i have sadly had more drunk sex than intimate relationship sex... i can't believe this is all coming out now.. weird... anyway, i always end up feeling guilty because of the unhealthy situations i've had sex in... I would like to ask that, seeing how this is a serious topic I've created, that everyone respect everyone else's answers and not be rude.
When is the first time you can remember receiving the message that your sexual thoughts, sexual feelings, and/or sexual behaviors were not okay? When I was around 3 or 4. What happened? I had laid in bed naked with my next door neighbor who was around 5 or so, and when we had gotten dressed, I put my shirt on inside-out and backwards, I think. My mom put two and two together and told me that touching wasn't okay, and gave me a few spankings. Who sent the message? My mother. How did it make you feel at the time? Sad that I had done something to upset my mom, and ashamed. How do you feel thinking of it now? She was right, because of my age..but being so adament about it scared me. I have mixed feelings. Did it affect you, if so, how? I got in trouble a few more times after that. In kindergarten, a boy put his hands down my panties and I let him, and I got in trouble for that by the school AND my mom...which gave me familiar feelings of guilt, and I felt bad for having enjoyed it. I got my period at age ten, and the summer that I turned eleven I lost my virginity to a boy who's parents were friends of the family. After that, I didn't have sex again until I was 13, to someone I still consider my soulmate to this day. The rest is history. All in all, I don't know if my mom's scolding and making me feel bad about sex had a big effect on me. She is indeed a prude, and I'm very confident in saying so. Experimentation with sex has never been her thing, and she didn't lose her virginity until she was 16, to my father, who she married when she was 18. I admit that I was overly sexed when I was younger...I started things off a little too early, and I know that. Other than my father being the same way towards sex, I don't know why I was that way. I just chalked it up to genetics and left it at that. Have you dealt with it? If so how? I haven't really had to directly deal with it. Part-way into puberty, I starting going through phases of nymphomania to flat out disintrest in sex. When I started taking medication for severe depression and anxiety, the disintrest in sex took over for the most part. As far as how I dealt with the message emotionally, I no longer feel guilty about it...I can't help what it was in my nature to do when I was that age, or still. My mom just isn't comfortable with sex and I understand that now...its merely a preference, or maybe something that SHE was taught when she was younger, and hasn't recovered from. Have you even thought about this subject yet? I think about it often, and wonder if there is a psychological condition that has a name for it. Is it something you've realized has greatly affected your life, something that you need to work through? As far as I'm concerned, there wasn't much to work through - after I became mature enough to form my own opinions about serious things, I realized that my mother has really different views about things and I don't have to conform myself to them or feel guilty about being different from her. But, apart of my being overly sexed is that it hasn't gone unnoticed by some adult men. Someone very close to my mother came on to me when I was around 14 or 15, and it made me feel bad for oozing sexuality the way that I do sometimes...as if had given him a signal or something that I didn't mean to give him. It disgusted me and made me feel guilty, as if him coming on to me was something that I made happen.
Wow, I'm learning a lot. I'm also beginning to see some patterns. I think what I'm trying to find out is if people generally have troubled sex lives or sexuality that is not as healthy as they would like it to be as a result of the messages they heard growing up. I know mine is confused, or rather, repressed more than confused. So far it does seem like that there has been a lot of hurt and confusion in other's sexualities due to messages that were either wrong or conveyed incorrectly. The Flip Side: While I want to continue to hear from as many people as possible on this subject, I'd also like to hear from people who consider themsevles to have been brought up in a healthy way concerning their sexuality. Sort of a comparision... all the same questions apply, except turn them around to be positives, instead of negatives... like when is the first time you can remember being told that your sexuality was a good thing, being taught good things about it and having it accepted? Who accepted it, how did it make you feel, how did it affect your life, etc etc. all the same questions as in the first post of this thread. This is getting to be really interesting to me because I've never realized how important this area of life is to people, and how it has an effect on their lives in more ways than just sexually. How this part of them was treated as a child can shape the rest of their lives in a profound way, just like how the spiritual or emotional part of them was treated.
When i was about six and kept making comments about how the girl on some tv show was very pretty and really cute my parents eventually told me that it was innapropriate to say such things about someone of the same sex. with guys in kindergarten, my neighbor was in my class and stuck his hand down my pants. i told him no, but it felt kind of odd, almost good and i made some innocent comment about that i said okay and never ever discussed my feelings towards females with my parents again he got in trouble for sexual harassment, i got a long talk from the nurse and then my parents and they said i should discuss feeligns like that parents i felt ashamed w/ the girl thing i was ashamed that it felt interesting, even though i told him no i dont understand why they felt the need to hide who i am or keep sexuality hushed. i see no reason to not be open about sexuality or anything to do with sexuality. i almost feel compelled to make discussions of sex and sexuality acceptable being it made growing up very hard. I was confused with the whole liking girl thing (i think i liked girls before i liked boys) and couldnt talk to anyone about it because i was told very sternly several times that it was innapropriate to talk abotu girls like that ever. And i would have loved to have been able to ask my mom abotu stuff being shes been a teenage girl, shes been through the pressures. I think it would have made things a lot easier. But no, im fine talking about sex and sexuality, and i dont have issues with guys after the unwelcomed touching... so it hasnt affected me in that manner as far as today, im still given grief about the whole bisexual thing. In high school i always either got "youre gross" "youre just a slut and thats why you like girls" or "you cant be bi, youre either straight or a lesbian. theres no such thing as bisexual" mostly people thought i was gross or a freak.... but i dealt. i wasnt about to hide who i was. People are still shocked today sometimes. I dont hide it, but i also dont bring my sexuality up because i know i get a bad reaction. My community isnt too open. If it comes up or im asked i refuse to lie, though. but im in college, hetero sex comes up all the time, no one thinks twice! And as i said, it doesnt even cross my mind. i actually edited this to add it in because i forgot about it for a second! Hope ive been of some help!
I feel like people have become more repressed over the last 6 or so years. I used to feel like II could talk more openly with people, but now it's "to much information" this and "mental picture" that.
Around age 13-14. I was given lessons in church about 'sexual impurity' being a serious sin. I was forced by my parents to participate in a 'true love waits' ceremony at church, where I vowed to 'god' that I would not have sex until I was married. I got sent home from church camp for kissing a girl. The church of christ. My parents. It made me feel that natural urges should be contained because they were wrong. Acting upon these urges made me feel guilty, ashamed, and weak. Resentful. Guilt associated with masturbation. Luckily, I was not involved with others sexually at the time, and thus did not associate the guilt with mutual sex acts. Now that I am no longer a christian, I take pleasure in breaking my vow to 'god'.
