Can anyone please tell me why, the reason i had to say goodbye. the pain was so deep, i couldn't even cry. we were just getting close then you went off and died, i searched for you all my life. it was a long brutal journey i can't deny. i was only three daddy when you told me goodbye, it took me twenty three years to let go of the anger inside. i grew up wondering what made you decide? to drive away and not take me along for the ride. as a child i say alone in my room and i cried, confusion and hate plagued my mind. i held resentment in my heart for you leaving me behind, i use to pretend my friends parents where mine. i just wanted to know what it felt like, to have parents together come and kiss me goodnight. i'd have let it all go and given up my easy ride, to have grown up with you even knowing what you where like. i know you drank used drugs and you and mom would fight, granny gave me the details and filled in all the lines. still though pops if it would have been left up to me, i would have stuck it out and held together as a team. even if all we would have done was fight, it sure would have been fucking nice if it where my choice that night. thinking back on it now it was my goddam right, the right to choose for you to stay in my life. but you walked out and it was over in the blink of an eye. i grew up and grew wise and i moved on, had a wife and two kids of my own. found out real life is a damn hard ride, and i know you kept my memory with you all the time. 2005 full of lows and highs, im divorced from my wife giving my kids a life full of heartache, and that aint right. its hard to deal with knowing your kids lay awake and cry, wondering where is daddy and wondering why. why he has left them why he said goodbye. but i hold them in my heart the way you did with me, i know it made you sad we missed out on so many things. knowing what it's like to be a dad, and everything that goes on with that. i've let go of the selfish pride that i had. i remember the night we played our harps and got high, we talked and i confessed to you my feelings inside. i kissed you on the lips and then we hugged, and for the first time i felt like we where father and son. it was more than just a summer trip to visit a friend, which up to that point our relationship had been. it was what i had been searching for, we where born again. so what do you think of me now? as you look down. do i make you proud? or does it piss you off to see? that i'm following the footsteps you laid out for me. you tried to disguise your path so i wouldn't see, but the lifestyle you led has me very intrigued. you should have know with me being the way i am, i would find you out for i am your biggest fan. hearing my grandparents talk down about you, never made a shit to me I still wanted to be just like you. but it wasn't my choice it was yours old man, you did what you did, and what you did was ran. but it shaped me into who i am it taught me it aint always easy being a man. my life was full of sorrow and pain, which doesn't fade away. so many unanswered questions i can't explain. i have a lot on my plate, my own futures at stake, and im fucking it up, right up my veins. and trying to drink all of the pain away. i never took the time to listen and recieve, all of lifes lessons that you tried to teach me. trying to prepare me for what life brings, but i missed all the answer that i would need to pass all the tests that i would be facing. i was not prepared for the fight i was in, but after you died it all started making sense. all of your words and lessons still exist. i know im making a lot of mistakes, a lot of the same mistakes that you made. it may seem that im ignoring the advice that you gave, i tell you the reason i live this way, sometimes mistakes just have to be made, to learn how to prepare my futures way, wisdom grows in me more every day. everyday i push my limits all the way and if i escape unscathed, it gives more knowledge to pass on, to the loves of my life so they can be strong. i think you lived the way that you did, experiencing all the dangers that exist. putting yourself thru extreme situations, getting all out of life and exceeding expectations. living not in a pattern set by anyone, you lived life on your terms and your terms alone. made sure your presence was known. everyone enjoyed themselves when you where around, you had a unique ability to turn around frowns. it has taken a while to fully understand, that life can easily get out of hand. i love you so much daddy, thanks for showing me, that life is to vast not to live it free. -to anyone who had the patience to get thru this poem in its entirety. thank you for taking the time to dwell in my laire. this was a very trying time for me in my life and this poem covers a lot of time and pain and redemption. peace love joy harmony
wow. that was awesome. i love the way ti just pulls you in and i can also relate to what you went thru.keep it up. mann that was really good.
I didn't get through it the first time I started reading it, but I am glad I went back to it. This runs the gambet of emothins. You go from happy to sad, and then from sad to happy again, From anger, to aapplreciation, to admiration, to hatred. This could be made into a movie. Nicely done.
i don't know about a movie but if you want the full story then you can definately read the book. i hope to have it out sometime this lifetime if the universe approves it
