Relationships? Yay Or Nah?

The older I get the harder I find it to be committed to a relationship with a man. Maybe it is like people say, we get "set in our ways". Either way, I want the sex and companionship when I want it, and I don't when I don't. Is anyone else out there experiencing this?

 

I tink it all comes down to trust. Who wouldn't want great sex, companionship, and no committment? Trusting someone with your heart is risky.

 

I think we go through phases. I don't think age has anything to do with it. It's life circumstances and personal, internal goals and dreams.

 

it is what it is

 

nope.

 

We become callous and jaded over time and tend to use unrealistic expectations of a person as a tool to push them out of our lives. This is a defense mechanism to keep our hearts safe and not committ to people. By keeking "friends" at an arms length we protect ourselves from physical or emotional harm. We tend to form superficial relationships with unavailable people. People who travel, have healtth conditions, are married. physical limitations,or are emotionally constipated. This usually provides us with the control we need to dominate the relationship just as our abusers dominated us. In a sense we become what we hated when we were on the other side of the street.

 

your avatar looks more like "wonder transgendered person"

 

or maybe we just don't want to deal with people demanding more of us than we have to give..........

 

Sex at Dawn is a great book. It definitely confirmed a lot of stuff for me. Most of the crap humans put themselves through is a mean trick. It's sad. In these parts non monagomous or poly = satan wershipper. I'd have an easier time getting a date around here if I told women I was std+, into meth, or racist.

It sounds like you've just settled on your desires and priorities, which usually happens in cycles it seems. I think we all need tribe/community but western consumer lifestyle has largely succeeded in destrying that so we look to relationships for that feeling instead and tend to take the connection more seriously, and at the same time more for granted, than we should.

I've realized that I need a tribe to be fulfilled as a human and that intense romantic relationships are secondary to and possibly detrimental to finding or creating that tribe. So for now, I'm free to have fun whenever the opportunity may arise which is arguably cumulatively as cool as the combined ups and downs of an interdependent relationship.

 

thanks Ernesto

 

I suppose we become more difficult to please and to convince as we get older, in general. At least, it happens to me.

 

As we know there is a hot time of our life when sex is at the top of the list in importance........15-50? Big time period. There is also a time in our life that having sex less frequently with a trusted, loyal, respected, loving and caring companion that is just as important to most people.......50+?

Everyone looks at life differently. There's no roadmap or book to follow and we all learn from our mistakes but few have the ability to change.

Some live for "right now" and some are patient.

No answer here, just thoughts.

 

i like to focus on me. i think im the most important person in my life. me me me. i also love to have sex and hang out/be close to other girls. if you are true to yourself one doesnt have to get in the way of the other. so yea im happy not being in a "relationship" right now. (thats an understatement, it kicks ass!)

 

I've never been in a relationship for years and years. I can't even remember the last time, perhaps over twelve years ago.

 

I personally lost a lot of interest in dating as of late, maybe if I meet someone I click with, but it's much more satisfying to enjoy and experience life than to interview it

When you're not out looking for that right person, it's as if you learn to accept the good things about the people you do know. People are interesting

 

When you find that one person though, that likes you for the weirdness you really are, it's a very special feeling.

I've felt that for darn gone 14 years now. Knowing that the world is mine, to seize the day, to do whatever it is I want to and make my life or my day whatever I want out of it, and to have someone beside you pushing you all the way, encouraging you to thrive to be all that you want... that's what real life's about to me.

 

Well, I've only been in 2 relationships.
One was over 5 years long and the other over 1 year.

I suppose I could say I'm similar. Although, I'm just only starting to realize things about myself.

At this point now in my life, I'm just hoping to find a 'right guy' one day. If that's tomorrow or if that's 10 years from now, who knows.
But, basically looking to live my life until then I guess.

I have to say, I do love companionship though. Of course the sex too but, I'm not willing to sacrifice my time for the 'wrong guy' just to get the sex etc.

 

Seems the OP has been absent from HF...............

Anyway, I think that wanting the sex and the companionship when one wants those things, and not having them when one don't want them, essentially sounds more like a very well-functioning relationship. A good relationship is about respecting each other's needs, and also each other's space when required. One does not necessarily need to steer clear of a relationship in order to achieve this, provided that one manages to meet the right partner. I guess that's pretty much the ultimate challenge of it all though, lol.

But really, no one should have sex unless they actually want to. It's a rule of thumb for sex as far as I'm concerned. If my girlfriend isn't in the mood and I am, then I'm not about to pressure her into doing it. I can always masturbate, no big deal. Similarly, if I'm not in the mood then I let her know politely and honestly, always respectfully. In a good relationship, one should be able to do this without jeopardizing the relationship. The same goes for companionship, too. If she's in the mood to be left alone for a while, I can respect and honour her wish because I know from my own experience that solitude is sometimes a serious necessity. She certainly respects my own alone time because I sure need it.

 

I think everyone needs the bond we commonly known exist in relationships, so in general yay, but nah because that bond isn't found solely in relationships. Like I said, we just commonly know it to exist in relationships. But, that bond could be found in your religion, career, etc. Basically, everyone needs to create that bond and there is no going around it with self-awareness or whatever have you. But, that bond can be found in anything, as well as be found in relationships.

Personally, I can't find the bond in anything else, but relationships. Which, sucks because males don't normally want to have a relationship with me. So, idealistically yay for me, but realistically nah.

 

I have always looked and wanted relationships and then spent the relationship wanting to get out because i never really wanted it or it was the person, i never really new. Until I started looking inside myself, meditation, awakening, spiritually that i realized i was never truly happy with ME. The better part of my relationship search was of me looking for a particular person that I would have a chance with (low expectations), or that I could help/change, rushing into it never thinking about the relationship as a whole. I never looked for a person I could be me around. But in those days I was never ME anyway so that was a moot point.

As some have posted, looking for a relationship purely for the want of one, companionship and/or sex will never work. Just have a one night stand and be done with it.

The last 18 months i have found myself, I am happy with myself and my mind is awaken with the true reality of us as a whole. Find all this first then you are free to find happiness within a relationship and any other endeavor you may have.

Listen to Black by Pearl Jam