well first post, but its tough now, only 20 atm but i am seeing all my other mates around me have girlfriends and it almost feels like im forcing my self to get one atm. Ive had some terrible history, went out with around 4-5 girls (officially) and all of them have been very risky from the outset, in terms of them being known to act the fool a bit. So all of them arent really the girl youd take back home to meet your parents i guess. I did have a bit of fun while it lasted though i gotta admit, but still not what im looking for - want something more steady. Im a bit of a tragic though that way, ive had it tough after the 5th of these ordinary relationships, a girl who is awesome, asked her out and it didnt work out for me. It was tough i was being a loser and was kut up about it blaming myself for her saying no (even though she gave me a few excuses about how she didnt want to go out with anyone atm). It was even harder to get over when she started going out with one of my closest friends afterwards. But thats the thing, the second he called me and told me, i was obviously devestated but i still told him not to worry about it, and i even went further and called her to tell her im arite with it. After that came this other girl who told me she really liked me, and she was an awesome chick, but in the end there were obviously things about me she didnt like, and complacency took over So those didnt work out, and i didnt really want to go back to my past ways, so ive been single for 1yr, not even looking, and rejecting offers which were similiar to the ones in the past. It wasnt until just this month i met this girl, and ive just never been able to talk to some1 like this, its amazing. And again shes come out of a relationship 5months ago. I got to know her well and then i asked her out. She kept dodging the question, wouldnt say no. Which would almost make me feel like i was some reserve for her incase some other things didnt work out. I was soon to find out those 'other things' were a bit of history coming back from her ex. So i met up with her last nite and i know it sounds tragic, and a bit cleche but told her that i wanted what ever made her happy. Because i sat there thinking about it - i shouldnt be selling my case to her: i keep telling her how i feel, i got stop being such a softy. I really like this girl, and if she couldnt see the good traits in me, im not going to blame my self. But what puts the icing on the cake is that i told her look - you do what is gonna make you happy cause thats the right decesion, and if thats getting back with your ex then thats how its got to be. (i met her ex that nite, hes not too much of a loser ;-) ) so i was arite with it. The problem here is its ended on that. Its ironic though because realistically all you can want for her is to be happy even though thats its going to be with someone else. For once i want to be that someone else! I really burn for stuff like this cause when you try and act like a human being, u get screwed. All these other guys sleeze onto her, being full devious and all that, i just put my self on the table: i told her i really liked her, and how i wish she knew how much i did - but its not enough, its a bit hard to fathom for me . Actually i watched Will Smiths Hitch the other day, and i realised there are a few sly things we have to do to get noticed, but her ex i know for a fact can pull out corny lines and not mean them at all. Talk is so cheap nowerdays, and i know hes full of it, but its not in my character (even in my old days) to put down someone i barely know, unless im just bitching about them with my close mates hehe. I think i might have over compensated for my prior screw ups, but now, i still feel good that for a moment i thought about something other than my self, cause i srsly had an epiphany last nite when talking to this girl - which showed me i really cared about her, but i guess she will never really know. Justifying feelings like that are really important for me because i am known to be a bit of a love bird amongst my mates. I still cant help but feeling sad, because its gonna be a long time till i like someone like that, and its not a good feeling to get turned back 3 times from nice girls, because if how im acting now is not working, i dunno what will. Do you girls actually think the stuff ive done here is like weird? Cause i dunno. Anyone got any ideas on what i can do to some how salvage this relationship, becuase i really care for her, and more importantly on how i can stop being such an idiot with these things! cheers
I don't know if this helps, but when I was younger most times I have been in a relationship and it has become screwed up through my fault or theirs I gave up. Then after a couple of relationships chicks started saying to me - you know I was only testing you or if you hadn't have lost it when things became messed up we would have still been together. I now know that it is better to maintain your faith in a relationship until the rites have well and truly been read on it. (obviously read the signs and don't stalk anyone).
