There's alot going on sounds like. I'm no expert on relationships but I've gone through similar situations and it usually boils down to age depleting the hormone levels, along with metabolism changes that trigger weight gain, but you have to somehow keep holding the line. Hormone suppliments are often an option. Maybe set aside time for just the two of you to induce intimacy. Good luck. I'm pulling for ya.
People often fail to realise that life does not go on as it was at the start of a relationship. Children take time and effort, the women's hormones update and even too many cream pies end up making you sick. At the same time, you have to build a home.
True, the big picture is complex. But breaking it into constituent parts makes it easier to comprehend and navigate.
I must admit that I was somewhat confused by the time that I posted my reply, possibly because I picked up on PDs reply after dinner and when he mentioned 'children' the length of the relationship went out of my head. Jane often goes to bed before our nocturnal son, so I don't see an issue when the 'children' are in their late teens. Part of the problem is so little information. We do not know the age of either of the partners, the age of the children, what type of work they are in, or their home circumstances. I am beginning to think now that the OP has too much time on his hands and after working long hours, looking after the children, cooking, washing and running the house, his wife is too exhausted to worry about much except sleeping when she goes to bed. Again, with no information on any of these points, my first impressions could be completely wrong.
That's true. It's all hypothetical to us. There could be any number of reasons/excuses. After all, we humans are quite adept at rationalizing our thoughts and behaviours however aberrant. And yet, when we have the vision to effectively prioritize, and multitask accordingly, we position ourselves to reap the long term benefits. Some call it playing the long game. Ultimately it boils down to delayed gratifications, meaning sacrificing in the near term to benefit the long term.
February will do that. OK, it's Friday, start priming her now for tonight. Premeditated sex is ok. "Honey, I think today I will paint the entire house any way you like, flush the transmissions, put in a new water heater, clean out the snow blower carburetor in the cold, wash your car, clean the garage, have seven zoom meetings, plan dinner, buy flowers, buy a nice chardonnay, man scape, turn the heat up again, pick out a romance movie, rub her feet.....................always works for me......good luck!!!
I thought I would let this play out a bit. Seems like Percy found what triggers the spouse into having sex. I suspect there's more underlying issues in the relationship but at least he got past the lull and found something that moves her to want to make love to him. Her reactions seem more emotional than lustful and from what Percy wrote she loves to see his reaction of getting hard by just being near her. She loves hearing him tell her she is hot and sexy, her tits look amazing, and that she smells good. She gets turned on knowing it is her that causes his erection. I'll bet there's more, a lot more, he can learn about her even though they have been together for 20 years. It's amazing what one doesn't really know about a partner. I suggest Percy, or anybody else who wants to know how their partner loves, take the "5 Love Languages" quiz which can be found on line. Quizzes - The 5 Love Languages® It gives insight into what your mate likes and loves for you to do for them. It's worth the 5 to 10 minutes or so to take the quiz and then share it with your partner. You will discover something about them you didn't know before.
