Recriminations From Winter

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by gdhmomchild, Jan 23, 2005.

  1. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

    The landscape frozen
    no warmth in sight
    harsh wind and hard scenery
    Recriminations from winter
    Your spring guise shed
    and long departed
    An out of season kindness
    would not have killed you
    ______________________

    One for the fodder. I feel it needs something but dunno what. Thanks all
     
  2. Firebelle

    Firebelle Member

    This appealed to me, but I can't form an intelligent response which would undoubtedly contain something more in the way of feedback. I like the last two lines, but I am just drawn to them; poetical instinct? I've no idea what it all means! It's lovely that you are posting more, sweetheart...you have a talent that must be shared :)

    Love and huggles X
     
  3. steffan

    steffan puffin

    theres always another summer
     
  4. KittenX

    KittenX Purrrific

    It's a bizarre piece...
    You word choices/combos are a bit wooden, if ya know what I mean. Don't feel much sparks in them. And -recrimination- just jumps out at me, it's so starkly different in diction compared to the relative simplicity of the overall piece. So I go away with an awkward feeling from this poem.
     
  5. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

    eh..yeah...
    It's about attitudes. That lovely cold shoulder and bitter words. Never starts out that way though does it. I guess it was a bit more obscure than I realized.
     
  6. White Scorpion

    White Scorpion 4umotographer

    At first I thought it was about winter, but there's more to it. Although, like you say yourself, it needs something, I think that perhaps it is more suiting that it hasn't got a natural flow. It's addressed to someone, someone perhaps typically inconsiderate, in which case you compare him with winter, because like the cold season that person will not change, either? You've sacrificed some form to bring your feelings through, but I think that is the right thing to do. There is an honesty in your work that I like.
     
  7. Bhaskar

    Bhaskar Members

    Utterly wonderful, m om, seriously. Like the best kind of poem, it kinda just strung me along, not truly interested, until you hit me with the one line, the beautiful enrapturing magical moment that grabs me and gives me mental goosebumps. Really really great.
     
  8. Firebelle

    Firebelle Member

    Mental goosebumps? That's good!
     
  9. Bhaskar

    Bhaskar Members

  10. littleskinny

    littleskinny Member

    Title is wrong, too blunt, but the poem is great. Love the last two lines in particular.
     
  11. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

    ~* Thank folks, for alla the kind words and thoughts. Something about this still doesnt suit me but I'm shit at fixing my own stuff at times. too close to me I guess. Mental goose bumps..a winter piece,lol,funny shit there b-ness! Guess I'm a pretty blunt person, not always as tactful as I would like to be,lol,actually I hate making titles to poems. Thanks again one and all!*~
     
  12. and winter comes to all,
    yet those unaware always
    turn from the shelter not
    remembering the past present
    to view the future...spring air..


    i loved this piece you have writen.....\

    just added what your words unfolded

    thank you
    love n peace from saff
     
  13. imaflake

    imaflake Member

    I liked it because of the word flow. I do not think anything needs to be added. One of the few that I can honestly say I want to read over and over. Please post more because I am really drawn to your style. Thanks for sharing.
     
  14. Bhaskar

    Bhaskar Members

    I loved the title though...its perfect. It captures the essence of your poem.
     
  15. steffan

    steffan puffin

    I only wonder who it is about, it is defenently one of my favorites of those of yours I have seen
    whoever it is i think i should tell you bitterness is something to be avoided
     
  16. steffan

    steffan puffin

    "This philosophy was a mixture of the three schools of thought, Cynics, Stoics and Epicureans-and summed up into this one."You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and theres nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink' "
    P.S, this is twice you've used this sig, it is very unlike your usual post and such. i do like the odd sort irony , narrow minded advice from labeled stereotypes
     
  17. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

    Computer OS crashed and I'm working off my old HD rigged up, almost duct taped,lol. A pitiful sight to behold and learned that this is truly an addiction as bad as my coffee and cigs. I want to thank alla y'all for your kind responses. I never expected for this to strike such chords in anyone else. Silly Steffan, this isn't bitterness, its sadness..bitterness would be telling that person to eat shit and die. This just refers to coldness where there was once such a beautiful warmth. As far as my sig, lol, it must be like me if I have twice used it. Theres much humour to be found in irony and I rather thought that twist on old thoughts rather funny. Reminds me of an old teeshirt I once owned
    I may have Plato and Soccrates mixed up but it went like this

    Plato = To do is to be
    Soccrates = To be is to do
    Sinatra = Do be do be do
     
  18. White Scorpion

    White Scorpion 4umotographer

    The essential 3 philosophers!;)
     
  19. fulmah

    fulmah Chaser of Muses

    hehe
     

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