Really want to know if I'm a lesbian or not

I've suppressed it most of my life, but I know I've been attracted to girls from a young age. I've only dated guys, but I've had crushes on girls. I've never been terribly attracted to any of the guys I've dated, and I dread sex, but I'm not sure if it's just because my first sexual relationship with a man was abusive. I liked a girl and we ended up kissing, more than a few times. She wanted to proceed with a relationship, but I was scared and made excuses. I come from a really conservative family. Now I'm dating a guy who's very emotionally (and sexually) dependent on me, and I'm not sure if I should be with him or not. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to jump to conclusions on whether I'm gay or straight. I've never orgasmed from sex with a man, but I also have a vaginal condition which makes sex hurt that I can't get treated right now. I'm sorry for anyone who's reading this; I know it's a lot of detail. I'm just desperate to figure out who I am. If you have any thoughts or advice on any aspect of my situation, please feel free to post on this thread. Thanks.

 

idk...you need to figure you out by yourself.

I came to the conclusion a long time ago...that love is what attracts me....real love.....not sexual love.

 

yikes....look what secion this is in...not that I know of....lol

I loved a female once only because I thought she loved me, but it was just emotions, nothing physical.

 

Beautifully put. Lesbianism is IMO more about relationships than actual sex.
Sex is important, but "love" is the magic word.

 

this is something other people really cannot decide for you or even really judge what is going on inside of you.

as far as I see the label "lesbian" though I define it as a womon (and the label can only apply to womyn - anyone calling themself a "male lesbian" is a troll just trying to "get action" with those of us who want nothing to do with men in relationships) who is exclusively attracted to and/or has relationships with other womyn.

Those with attractions or willing to have relationships with men or genderfluid people or others are either Bi or Pan sexual.

In no case do I invalidate anyones attractions or desires in a relationship - I am pro-choice in all things. So the best thing for you to really do is go ahead and experiment with your own needs and then you can decide what is best for you.

Simply having met men you are incompatible with or having trouble physically with them is not enough to determine your orientation. I have even had bad experiences with womyn (one of domestic violence even). So things can go wrong no matter who you are with.

 

This sounds a little complicated. Maybe you should stay clear of relationships for a while and do some self-examination of your feelings. I agree with silk896 about "love" being the magic word, so I believe the answer you are looking for is somewhere in your heart

 

IMO, if one has a better sexual relationship with a woman than with a man, it is quite likely that she is a lesbian. Is it possible that deep inside you are actually a lesbian, but there are some others external factors discouraging you from "coming out"? 'Cause you said your family was conservative.

 

I have found with my gfs they are more caring since men have said they like the power nature of sex. Therefore I tend to trust my girlfriends more and love my gfs honestly more. Besides we can sometimes share clothes where guys clothes are so boring.