Really tame love life

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by RedStar, May 23, 2004.

  1. RedStar

    RedStar Member

    my girlfriend and i have been together for over a year now and our sex life just isn't what it used to be. used to we would have sex 4 or 5 times a week the first month or two we were together. the first time we had sex began with us 69ing. Now I count myself lucky if we have sex more than twice a month. Then, when we do have sex its usually the same pattern of me getting her worked up whether manually or orally then some combination of doggy missionary or her on top. I never get any oral action since she says it hurts her jaw (it seems a few months ago there was a different reason..)i never get any breast action because her breasts are usually overly sensitive to the point of causing her pain (which is a shame because they're so damn beautiful) and she doesnt like anal sex because she says it hurts her, hell, i never even get a handjob. She realizes we should be having sex more often, but damn, in the few times that we DO, i'd like a little more variety.
    it seems like she'd want to have sex more often since every time we do i bring her to orgasm...
    Plus, i find it very frustrating that i cant really do anything physically to turn her on. she either is or she isnt and nothing i can do changes that.
    so.. anyway.. i'm venting a lot.. i needed to i guess...
    i love my girlfriend, we're going to get married, but our sex life needs some serious attention.
    any thoughts?

  2. missfontella

    missfontella Mama of Da Assassins

    you're marrying somebody that you have mediocre sex with? Seems like that should be the last thing to go. Have you talked to her about your need for variety?
  3. RedStar

    RedStar Member

    yes, but it seems like most times we start to discuss sex she says something like "not this conversation again!" because she feels very self conscious about it all. She wants to change but it's super slow going...
    she's been sexually abused in several ways in her past so i'm reluctant to push her too much and more patient for her to do what she can to heal, but damn! i'm a 25 year old man in the prime of my life!
  4. ohjinn

    ohjinn Member

    man, that sucks. i'm sorry for your frustration. you should definately figure this out before you get married. it could be that she's incredibly stressed out about something, or incredibly insecure. some people are extremely sensitive about their intimacy and if there was some comment made it may have caused a shutdown in her ability to feel comfortable being intimate with you. i know a guy whose wife wasn't into sex at all, and he would look at porn constantly and make comments about hot women and just in general act very piggishly and insensitively around her. which is hardly a way to gently coax someone into enjoying lovemaking. what a dick. anyway, why do her breasts hurt so much? maybe she has a hormonal imbalance. the worst case scenario is that she's fallen out of love with you. that happened with me and my ex. i loved him so much, but fell out of love with him as a partner and couldn't do a thing to become aroused by him, though i tried so hard. i hope that isn't your case. i think the most important thing is honesty and direct communication though. whatever the problem is you should approach her as sensitively as possible about it, let her know that whatever it is, you can work on it together and support her.
  5. RedStar

    RedStar Member

    well, i'm pretty sure she's not fallen out of love with me.. actually. i'm as certain about that as a person can be i suppose.
    i dont make excessive comments about how other women are hot or anything like that. We do both think women are beautiful and both feel comfortable commenting to the other if we see someone, male or female, worth pointing out.
    i'm not sure why her breasts hurt so often. they're quite large (36DD) so i imagine thats part of it. Also she's mentioned something about a vitamin she could take to make them less painful. she comments on how they often feel like they're full of broken glass.
    We do talk about our situation together every once in a while. i let her bring it up these days to avoid being called a nag.
    i also agree that it's something that needs serious work before we get married. but what kind of work ?
    i'm always getting 'accused' of "always" wanting to have sex. Which is pretty mcuh true because i get it so rarely i'm always ready to get when the getting is good. i dont know if that plays a role in her sexual appetite or not..
  6. Fucking Tech

    Fucking Tech Member

    shitty dude!

    my girlfriend is sort of the same way i guess, not on that level but its just like, either shes in the mood and get turned on really easily or shes not, and its hell to even get a handjob... it can be pretty frustrating, i know...

    i think you should prolly talk to her about it. if shes been sexually abused in the past, that would probably contriibute to a huuuuuuuuge feeling of insecurity for her. try to imagine how you would feel if you were sexually abused, then multiply that by like 20. emotional issues that have been pushed down can pop back up at any time.

    my advice, talk to her, and just be a loving and supportive boyfriend. i find with alot of girls, they need a strong emotional connection before they're able to get turned on...

    other possibilities are that shes cheating on you or that shes realied shes a lesbian... but both of these being unlikely, i would just ask her to be open...

    good luck dude, hope everything turns out for the best!
  7. ohjinn

    ohjinn Member

    perhaps you need to start courting her again. sometimes, esp when a relationship is cohabitational (is that a word?), everything gets so routine and it's a huge turnoff. nothing like the excitement of a new relationship, filled with anticipation and curiosity. make her feel extra loved, just touch her more in a nonsexual way. i love it when i'm lost in thought, doing dishes or something, not really paying attention to my surroundings and my boyfriend comes up behind me and just gives me a quick warm hug and a kiss on the neck and then walks off. i think a lot of these quick loving gestures would maybe entice her into craving something more.
  8. sugrmag

    sugrmag Uber Nerd

    I understand completely. My husband and I are on different schedules right now, so it is hard to find the time to have sex (two kids don't make it easier!) I get up early, he works 2nd shift, so he gets home after midnight. Every couple goes through ups and downs with their sex life. I esp. understand the part about her being sexually abused. My first serious relationship, I was as well. To this day, I can't give my husband a bj because I was forced to for so long. He understands and will never pressure me to do it. Be patient with her. Love her. Good luck.
  9. WayfaringStranger

    WayfaringStranger Corporate Slave #34

    you need to romance the lady. not beg her for anal or for more sex, not even talk about sex or worry about sex. you need to romance her. take her out on a date, often. flowers for no reason(dont copout with roses the first time, its tacky). surprises, hugging, a wine bar, jazz music, romance the girl dude.
  10. Ikarion

    Ikarion Member

    Sex can get boring? :eek:

  11. mkc414

    mkc414 Member

    maybe you need better foreplay techniques or just to be more affectionate in general. seems like you are hung up on the sensual aspects of the sex rather than the emotional, which might be important to her.
  12. cbrmale

    cbrmale Member

    I have been in your space for many years with my wife. We have regular indifferent sex where I drive the moves and she sort of barely responds. Any talk about our sex life at any time gets the same response as you. "Is that all you think about". At least we do it, although without any passion, three or so times a week.

    I have advice, and I am not trying to be cruel. It won't get better. It may get worse. If she won't respond, and won't talk then RUN. Get as far away from her as you can. Do not make the mistake I did.

    If it wasn't for a succession of sexually open lovers, I would have gone mad. Even so, it is a poor substitute.

    I am desparately sorry to say this about your fiancee. But I do repeat, it won't get any better and it will probably get worse.
  13. RedStar

    RedStar Member

    To all those recommending that i romance her and give her more foreplay.. thats not it at all. I'm all about foreplay, its one of my favorite parts of the sexual esperience. i love giving it truly as much as getting it. I am probably one of the sweetest guys a lady could as for as far as romance goes too. I surprise her with presents every once in a while, take her out to dinner, chocolate martinis, all that good stuff. It just seems to boil down to her just usually not being in the mood no matter what i do. ANd abotu me being just hung up on teh physical aspects, damn straight, my libido has needs just like my stomach does. However, the emotional aspects are top priority as well. I dont want to have sex with her just because she feels like she should to satisfy me. i want her to be into it too so we can experience that emotional connection.
  14. meishka

    meishka Grease Munky

    sex can get boring with the wrong person. i've heard the "oh not this conversation". what a nightmare. if she isn't goin to talk or listen to your suggestions, your feelings, you're waisting your time with this girl. if somebodies not happy something needs to change. i broke up with the oh no girl.
  15. mkc414

    mkc414 Member

    let's be honest, you (and your gf) need more anal sex in your life.
  16. RedStar

    RedStar Member

    hehehe yes, that may be true...although when we've tried it before it really hurt her.

  17. Bug_Man

    Bug_Man Banned

    I think MKC meant anal sex on you!
  18. RedStar

    RedStar Member

    nah, it wouldnt work, my gf doesnt have a dick and would just feel silly wearing a strap on :) besides that, my arse is a one way street.


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