hello friends, As the title indicates I am going through a really tough time in my life and starting to reach a breaking point. I went to big state school and was in a fraternity, and really loved it. I was very close to a lot of people in the house of all ages and since losing this support system I have fallen apart, and had an extremely close relationship with one kid in particular who was two years younger than me. We use to talk ever day, had a lot of those instances that leave people confused but it is too much to go into all the details. I graduated college last May and had a great job lined up, but the loss of college and the fear of losing this relationship left me broken and I sort of was forced to leave my job cause my manager could tell how unhappy I was while I thought it was I wasn't satisfied with the role it really was I was just so unhappy in my life. It has been a year now and all I do is miss this kid still, all the damn time. I think about everything that happened between us and can't get over it. I can't move on. I have no one to talk to about this, and can't keep it in anymore. I don't know what to do, if anyone would be willing to listen more could you please send me a message or give some thoughts
i feel for you. it is terrible not being able to be with the person you really want to be with. which begs the question---why can't you re-establish contact with him?
Last summer I had just begun working full-time and he was working an internship. We talked every day. When he went back to school we talked less and less and stopped altogether pretty quickly which obviously really hurt. I was in our fraternity once and I know that living together with people like that you can become friends quickly and I know that whatever role I played for him I have probably been replaced. I feel like I won't be able to move on until I know the truth. The sliver of hope that everything that happened as was said was real is the only damn thing I have left to hold on to.
i'm a little out of the loop here. what exactly happened between you guys? were you lovers? or just experimenting with each other?
I'll try to explain the situation from my point of view the best I can and I know some of this sounds incredibly stupid...and a lot of this maybe I was just looking or hoping for something that wasn't there or gonna be there I don't know So we were in the same fraternity (two years apart) and we met when I was a junior and he was a freshman. A few months after we met he poked me on facebook, started texting me a lot when we really didn't know eachother all that well. Over the next summer, he would text me a lot at work, etc. He would always texting me where i was late out nights after we had all been out drinking (ALWAYS) and would ALWAYS try to get me to pass out at his place encouraged it twice I woke up with my pants unzipped. On spring break my senior I got a little upset from the combination of drinking for a week straight and that I was getting close to graduation. We talked for a while on our balcony, pretty sure holding hands throughout it and went back inside. I remember talking to him a little more and told him I thought I might be gay, his response was i didn't think you were, and thats all I specifically remember. The next day he texted me saying lets never do that again and I never found out what he was talking about. One of the last nights of the year before I graduated one time he said "i want to try making out with a dude" and there were more times like this when we would kinda "cuddle" or what not and he would always come back the next day with a text saying "tehehe what happened last night" like joking around that he blacked out and didn't remember anything and we would go on like nothing ever happened. After I graduated we were both working fulltime and talked almost all day everyday. So no, nothing really sexual every happened but there are lots and lots of little things he would say or happened that have just left my head spinning. I don't know what to do. I literally constantly think about what we had, and miss our friendship or whatever it was so much. I feel like I need closure or answers, but when I think to how I was at that age I would have never admitted what I knew to be the truth so I can't blame him. If it turns out I was wrong about everything obviously I am going to be devastated, but I have probably wasted a year of my life being miserable already just hoping for something to change or some truth to come out. And since we have a lot of mutual friends it makes it so hard to see my other friends without getting upset with him around. I know I need to move on but don't know how
yeah, you do need to move on. By the sounds of it, it doesn't look like anything will develop between you two. It would have already by now if that had been the case. I assume part of the reason you miss him this much is because you think about what could have been. From what you said though, it seems more likely he was just a confused kid. I don't know why he was confused, there are plenty of reasons. For example he might have felt some physical pull towards you but as a straight guy he was just too uncomfortable with taking it any further. That is one of the possibilities that would fit this scenario. The key point in all of what you described, however, is the fact that you told him you might be gay, and that still nothing happened between you after that. He knew he had a chance and he didn't take it. How to move on from where you are though....you do it little by little. Most of it is accepting the fact that nothing will happen between you and him. Right now, you are stuck on what could have happened between you, you are stuck on the closeness he shared with you. But the fact is nothing did happen and no matter how close you two were he is off somewhere not making an attempt to make contact with you either. He's probably put this behind him and you need to accept that. Because, frankly, there's nothing much you can do to change things. Some things just never work out. Good luck to you.
Yes, I hope you do start feeling better. I have been stuck on people, for a long time, and had terrible outcomes, because the other guy just wasn't capable of talking about anything at all. It sounds like your friend and you did love each other, but like the above said, your friend can't be open about conflicting feelings, and to many guys the possiblity that they are gay is worse than death. He is probably like that. It's hell for you but he probably will never be able to talk with you on an open level and resolve anything. But, you are young, smart, and all that good stuff! You can find other friends and relationships. Of course you can't just suddenly switch off and everything's A-OK, but, if you start making other friends, look for other guys if that's what you want, soon enough you will find someone and gradually you'll look back and see your old friend in a different light. You can message me if you want to. I really hope things work out for you. Give yourself a chance.
I tried finding a way to message you but don't think I can, but thank you for your reply. I was wondering if you had any advice on what I should do in the situation? He still posts on my facebook several times a week and we play a games via cell phone and I don't want to be a jerk and just ignore it all but maybe thats the only way I can get over this? Its like you miss someone so much I just can't take it anymore I need things to change. I realize now whatever we had, whatever was thought/said is gone. We don't see each other too often so either he moved on, I was wrong, whatever. I know that I can't keep hanging on to this, wondering what was what and I probably won't ever know the truth, or I will waste more time of my life when I already have wasted and hurt over it so much.
you don't have to start ignoring him completely. if he still keeps in touch once in a while even if it's only over the internet you can do the same. you were friends once, so it's a decent thing to do. as long as you keep your emotions under control it's fine. you have to move on, but you don't have to be an asshole while you do it.
