realizing you're a lesbian

I've been attracted to girls for as long as I can remember, since I was a young child. I've only had long term relationships with three guys though. I've been involved with two girls, but it was only for a very short time. I've found myself more and more sexually attracted to women over time. Well, lately, I've actually been repulsed by men- their attitudes, their manners, the way they carry themselves, their penises....I've always considered myself bi, but now it seems I'm interested in just dating women.
has anyone else been in a similar situation? at what point did you realize you only were interested in women?

 

Actually I'm in the exact same situation right now. The way you described being disgusted by men is how I feel exactly too. I've just shared my story in an other thread, I recently came to terms with the fact that I'm into girls.
For a long time I actually thought I was asexual because all my girlfriends were having sex and relationships with guys and I just wasn't interested in it. Then when the thought that I might be gay came to my mind, it freaked me out, so I've always avoided the subject.
I'm still on my way of accepting myself, and trying to explore it.

 

I think I came to terms with being lesbian at college, before that even though I knew I was I battled against it to please my family and friends.

 

I've never felt any attraction to men. It's been women only for me, right from my earliest sexual urges.

 

I was always attracted to men before until I met this lesbian last year that turns my world into one hell of a ride. Realize that I was into women and was denying it for the longest time.

 

For some it's there from the start - for others it's a longer transition. So many of the gay women I know/been acquainted with have been married and are mothers, only coming to terms with their real sexuality later in life.
Peer pressure is so often immense.
I've never been disgusted with men - I quite like them: it wasn't the penis that turned me off, I just knew I could never have a real relationship with what the penis was attached to! I know (it took time, a pregnancy and a load of both fun and pain) to realize I can only fall in love with a woman.
We each have traveled the same path but in different ways. There is no "How To" manual. As long as we get there in one piece at the end.

 

I wish I felt more chemistry with women because I like the shape of women better than men. I draw nude women more than I draw nude men. I have not been attracted to any men or women for 8 years and sometimes I wonder what sex I will fall in love with when and if I fall in love again. I have only been in love with one woman in my life when I was 17 but when we got physical I felt no sexual chemistry, just love for her. Still I will not limit myself into thinking I will never be attracted to another woman again. At this point in time I could easily stay non sexual for the rest of my life. That could change when my health improves after the next surgery I go through. Luckily my family is very open minded. My mother had many gay friends. Several members of the commune we lived in were gay.

 

I'm having this exact experience as well.

It's strange, I have always been attracted to women, but it's like this societal conditioning to like and be with men ruled me unconsciously...

My first kiss in the 2nd grade was with a girl. When I hit puberty, I distinctly remember being turned on by women's bodies. I discovered porn around the time I hit puberty (age 11 or 12) and was significantly more interested in videos with just women. But somehow these signs were suppressed and didn't click. As I grew into my teenage years, I only had (conscious) crushes on boys, but my celeb crushes were always women. Up to this point, I have only dated men. I had sex with a woman once, in a 3some with another man. Throughout this time, I identified as "bi-curious". Around age 18, I began to question my sexuality more deeply. Reading back on old journals, there was a lot of "am I gay?", yet still, I didn't explore relationships with women.

And then, I met another man, and this questioning seemed to disappear into the background. Flash forward to the present - here I am at age 27, still having been with only men throughout my adult life but identifying as bisexual. These relationships with men have never lasted longer than a year, always ending with feelings of incompatibility or intimacy issues (I always chose emotionally unavailable men), which so far, I had attributed to unresolved trauma from childhood. But after a point of doing lots of healing, this narrative just didn't fit anymore.

About 2 months ago I was at work and this woman walks in who was absolutely stunning. She was staying at my workplace for about 4 days, and every time she would come into the building where I worked, I couldn't help but to look at her. Not only was her physicality attractive, but her energy was captivating. On the last day of her stay, she signed up for a 15-minute service that is provided exclusively by me. During this consultation, there was an immediate connection. My meeting with her ended up being more than an hour, because we were both so immersed in the conversation, and there was a palpable chemistry and electricity between us. At the end, I realized I had a massive crush on her, and finally it hit me - "holy shit, I'm gay". It's hard to describe, but it was the biggest, clearest lightbulb moment I have ever had in my entire life. The questionings in my early adulthood were nothing compared to this clarity. And the pieces started coming together. The signs from my early life fell into place in my mind, affirming this realization.

Since then, it has been a progression towards allowing and owning this truth. From that point on, I started to really explore this internally, instead of pushing it away and distracting myself with unavailable men as I had made a habit of. I paid attention to my internal dynamics when out in public and realized I really am drawn to women. But with men, there is this inner flatness. A complete lack of interest. And gradually, this grew into disgust (no offense men). Thinking about their bodies, ew.. being with them sexually, ew... having a romantic relationship with them, no thanks...

So, that's my long story to say I relate with what you shared. There are many reasons why it may take a while to realize something like your true sexuality, but the important thing is that you honor it.

 

Sounds like a successful journey of finding who you are. My lesbian daughter went through her own journey, however she was in the army, which if I know men--and I do--I'm one myself--she more than likely had some distasteful experiences there that helped her right along in her decision.