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Rate my poem

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by teccan9ne, Nov 17, 2007.

  1. teccan9ne

    teccan9ne Member

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    criticism 100% accepted

    the space overwhelming,
    the place unknown,
    in the distant i roam,
    the hidden begin to foam,
    my life,
    one star,
    amongst billions, in galaxies,
    yet the shine remains as the depths approach,
    because in space,
    only nomads know
     
    teccan9ne, Nov 17, 2007
    #1
  3. art_hippie

    art_hippie Member

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    i like it:}:}:}
    i like this style of writin:}keep on doin it:}
    with lots of sunny smiles
    Nadia
     
    art_hippie, Nov 18, 2007
    #2
  5. groovecookie

    groovecookie Member

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    549
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    cool!
     
    groovecookie, Nov 18, 2007
    #3
  7. weaselpop

    weaselpop Member

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    I'm not sure what I think of it. I like it in a way, but it seems rather vague. I can't grasp hold of it properly. The line "the hidden begin to foam" makes no sense to me. I think you might mean "in the distance", but "distant" could have easily been on purpose.

    I like the way you start it, in a massive, unknown, empty space.
     
    weaselpop, Nov 19, 2007
    #4
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