random venting about current relationship.

this has just not been my year. first i date this guy and i think wow he is so great. but he's not. so then i get pregnant. and most of my pregnancy he either ignores me or tells me he hates me and to have an abortion. in my 8th month he comes back around wanting to be "a family" wants me to give him a second chance. all this bullshit. but from the moment our baby was born he just couldn't deal. the first weekend when i was in the hospital he was out partying. do guys ever get out of this stage.....? grr. anyways, now things have gotten really bad with him and i am essentially raising our son on my own. for the most part i am doing ok. but it is really hard. and i feel like such a stupid girl for ever giving him a chance and thinking he would change. PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE. you would think the birth of your son would cue you to start living a better life, stop partying. but he keeps saying he has "obligations" that his friends count on him. what the hell. when i was healing from my c section he is off snowboarding leaving me alone with a very tiny newborn. and he constantly manipulates and turns things around on me. i feel like i am going crazy sometimes. he makes plans with us and ditches us. doesn't call for days and then says he didn't call because he knew i would yell at him. like somehow him being an asshole is my fault.

i used to think of myself as a strong minded independent woman. so why do i let some guy treat me this way? im so upset by this. my family can't stand him, my friends (what friends i have left) can't stand him. and yet after all he puts me through constantly i find myself apologizing to him and for him when he is the one treating me unkind.

what is wrong with me and how do i un attatch myself from this man??

sorry if this doesn't make any sense. i am tired. and alot of things are going round in my head right now.

 

youre dating a real asshole..bottom line. he shouldve gotten his act together the minute he found out you were pregnant. as much as you want and need him to change you have to remember that all depends on him and you cant make someone change no matter how hard you want them to. it doesnt sound like hes interested in being a man and taking care of whats his. he honestly sounds like a real jerk. even if things dont work out with you two, he needs to be there for your/his son. sounds like hes only caused you a lot of pain and trouble. id get rid of him before he fucks your life up even more...youre a new mother and you dont need that negative force in your life. do what you have to and maybe one day life will catch up to him. if not then its his loss

 

agreed....

 

I agree, and I'd like to add a little more...

So far, this isn't having a negative impact on your son because he's too young, but in time, it WILL. Please start making plans find a real man to be a good role model for your son. I don't necessarily mean a lover, or whatnot. Your father, your uncle, your brother...someone who will be there for for your son consistantly. You don't want him to think his father is the way men should be to women and children.

 

Cowboy you NEED a wake up call. There are a heck of a lot of single mothers out there and FYI who are you to judge. Re read all your posts and see what kind of person you are .


I hope your not the kind of cold hearted enough to not be in your childs life when your ready you have no clue what its like to be a single parent and you are clueless like the OP's Ex bf.

 

Oh boo fucking hoo the guy didn’t get his way…he created life and he should step up to the plate regardless. Its called taking responsibility for your own actions.

seriously man, after reading your posts on your views towards women in general...you hold no ground here. i dont think anyone gives two fucks what makes you angry

She said “I USED to think of myself as a strong independent woman”….
And yes her body is her responsiblity but since it takes two to create life..that child is equally his responsibility

No one said anything about supporting her. He doesn’t have an obligation to but I can definitely understand how anyone could expect more out of the man who is supposed to be their significant other. If not for her, he should at least be there for his kid

She never said does expect anything from him…based on his behavior hes still a child himself

Lets not forget that shes human and no ones perfect. Theres a point when everyone wants so badly for something to happen and we hang on hoping/waiting for it especially in times of weakness

I say she should do whats best for her and her son and focus on being a good mother if she wants to raise her son (which im assuming she does). She needs to learn how to be independent again and not put so much of herself emotionally into another person who wont do the same in return

Sometimes things happen to you caused by others that you have no control over. Yes everyone is responsible for their own life when they reach a certain age but everything is not in our hands. No one has total control.

Growing up with a single mom is not the worst thing in the world trust me. And im sorry but you cannot say for sure if anything will carry over to the next generation..you simply cant. Yes patterns develop in many cases but its not a fact. Period.

You try carrying a kid in your stomach for nine months and going through all the physical and psychological changes while dealing with someone who is supposed to be there for you along the way..someone youre in a RELATIONSHIP with who in the mean time does nothing but make the pregnancy and new adjustments harder. And then during the 8th month says he wants to be a family..then once the kid is born goes back to being the loser he is. You try that with no support and see what you have to say

 

Crying and complaining? Its called emotional abuse and dealing with someone who is being a straight up ASSHOLE. something im sure you cannt comprehend

Did you ever think that not everyone wants to take one of the "options" available? When you get pregnant you also have the right to keep your baby. She chose to have the baby and now its just ok that she has to raise it on her own? Newflash..thats not ok and that child shouldnt be her sole responsibility. she didnt fuck herself and get pregnant now did she?

What kind of person you are and youre crediblity go hand and hand..sorry

That doesnt make his behavior ok or excusable

I hope to hell she would. you know what can happen everytime you have sex and you take that chance and so does the person youre with. if youre not ready for something like that to happen then you shouldnt be fucking around. I suggest you tell every girl you sleep with (if that ever happens) from now on "oh hey just incase the condom breaks or something and you get knocked up..dont expect me to stick around for any of that goo goo gaa gaa shit." see how far that gets you

 

Maybe not, but the courts sure as hell can!!

 

Um as far as i know she is taking responsiblity...shes being a single parent. And yes the man should have to step up to the plate, the kid is his whether he likes it or not. nothings going to change that. the sooner he realizes that the better. He's his own person? No - he's his own person with a son.

When a woman is pregnant she needs a little special attention..the pregnancy, birth, nursing, and everything else isnt easy. This has nothing to do with putting it all on the man...shes not asking for anything but for this guy to realize that this kid isnt going anywhere and she doesnt want to and SHOULDNT have to do this all on her own

Making his feelings clear is fulfilling his responsiblity? No fucking way. Its not about disregarding his feelings...ever think she didnt wanna disregard her baby and terminate it? The minute she became pregnant it wasnt just about her or just about the guy..it was about the kid

So youre happy shes being a single mother because the guy cant get his act together?
Youre happy this is her "consequence?" If so,thats pretty sick

So now you agree that kid is equally his responsibility?

WITH HAVING SEX COMES RESPONSIBILITY AND POSSIBILITIES - ON BOTH PARTS - MALE AND FEMALE

i agree that was her choice. but i can understand why she did. personally if that was me i would got rid of him in the beginning he couldnt handle his business. id say fuck it we dont need you

I wasnt talking about her having sex...

actually its mostly poverty and sexual abuse. oh and its single parents, not single mothers

I bet

shes not blaming everything in her life on him. this is the man she supposed to be in a realtionship who bails out on her. she has the right to be pissed...with or without the kid, disappearing and partying for days isnt acceptable behavior and not fair to your partner

And so did he. and he shouldve considered what couldve happened. its common sense really

 

"Making his feelings clear is fulfilling his responsiblity? No fucking way. Its not about disregarding his feelings...ever think she didnt wanna disregard her baby and terminate it? The minute she became pregnant it wasnt just about her or just about the guy..it was about the kid"

Not until the third trimeser, or whichever it is.

"So youre happy shes being a single mother because the guy cant get his act together?
Youre happy this is her "consequence?" If so,thats pretty sick"

It's just ironic to me, is all. "Boo hoo the guy didn't get his way." meanwhile the chick ain't getting her way either. Just kinda makes me laugh is all.


"So now you agree that kid is equally his responsibility?"

No. I'm saying she got a reality check on the whole "STRONG, INDEPENDENT WOMAN" thing. In the end the women suffer.

"WITH HAVING SEX COMES RESPONSIBILITY AND POSSIBILITIES - ON BOTH PARTS - MALE AND FEMALE"

Options make responsibility, dear. She chose not to have an aboprtion, she should accept full responsibility for this choice.

"I wasnt talking about her having sex..."

But she did it. And she chose NOT to abort. And now she has a kid. Is she even thinking about giving the kid up for an adoption? Maybe a financial set couple who can't have a child of their own will take the baby, and it will make them very happy. Ah no. She's only thinking of herself. Well if she wanted the baby so badly, she can have it all for herself.

"actually its mostly poverty and sexual abuse. oh and its single parents, not single mothers"

That was a fairly moot point to make. She is single, isn't she? Therefore she puts her child at higher risk.

"shes not blaming everything in her life on him. this is the man she supposed to be in a realtionship who bails out on her. she has the right to be pissed...with or without the kid, disappearing and partying for days isnt acceptable behavior and not fair to your partner"

Well that brings us back to my point again: He said he hated her for 8 months, and she stayed with him. I think she has to accept responsibility for being a dumb ****, kid or no kid.

"And so did he. and he shouldve considered what couldve happened. its common sense really"

She should've considered what could've happened.

You know after hearing the bitching I have sympathy for the DUDE. Sorry bro, if you're out there. She chose to keep it, and now you have a kid you don't want.

 

i agree that keeping him around for that long wasnt the best idea, although i understand why she did

Dont forget that keeping the baby is an option and with that comes responsiblity on both parts

We've established that

That was in reference to when you said "it doesnt matter what kind of person i am." What kind of person you are affects your credibility in a relationships forum. if youre someone who clearly doesnt have a clue then no ones going to take your replies seriously. its pretty much a waste of your time to bother typing it out

She was ready enough to not have an abortion

dont smile.

oh i get it. thats why i said i wouldve kicked that piece of horse shit to the curb

now i know there must be a god

 

please read a book

he should accept full responsiblity for having sex and helping to create this kid

listen skippy, we all know they both chose to have sex

i believe you mean "financially"
And im sorry but do you know her financial status? No so you can throw that one out the window.

Only thinking about herself wouldve probably been abortion. just think about how much easier her life would be if she didnt have a kid. she didnt pick the easy way out although she could have. she OBVIOUSLY had her kids best interest in mind.

yes she stayed with him but lets not forget that he stayed with her despite his wreckless behavior and saying he hates her among other things.

OK, and so shouldve he.. a kid happened. if he wasnt ready for that, he shouldve thought twice

maybe he'll learn to keep his dick in his pants until he can handle what may happen

 

"i agree that keeping him around for that long wasnt the best idea, although i understand why she did"

Oh well. Still her fault.

"Dont forget that keeping the baby is an option and with that comes responsiblity on both parts"

Obviously not, cuz he told that bitch to get rid of it and she still didn't. A guy can't have an abortion, only a woman can. Nice try though.

"That was in reference to when you said "it doesnt matter what kind of person i am." What kind of person you are affects your credibility in a relationships forum. if youre someone who clearly doesnt have a clue then no ones going to take your replies seriously. its pretty much a waste of your time to bother typing it out"

You take them seriously, because honestly you're threatened enough by my ideas to attempt to defeat them.

"She was ready enough to not have an abortion"

Yes and now she has to deal with the consequence of being a single mom and stop crying over spilt milk.

"oh i get it. thats why i said i wouldve kicked that piece of horse shit to the curb"

Thaaaaaaaaaaank youuuuuuuuuuuu. You're starting to get it.

"now i know there must be a god"

I think your attempted attacks on my sexuality and manhood are pathetic, childish, and show you have no substance to your main arguments and thus must supplement them with emotional attacks to throw me off.

 

"please read a book"

I've read the entire Dune chronicles; 24 books in all, each book over 400 pages.

"yes she stayed with him but lets not forget that he stayed with her despite his wreckless behavior and saying he hates her among other things."

Um. She said he ignored her the whole time. He was probably out bangin' other chicks.

"maybe he'll learn to keep his dick in his pants until he can handle what may happen"

A typical American woman response; trying to control male sexuality.

He said abort. As far as I'm concerned, he was the only one who made any sensible choice and behaved responsibly. The responsible thing would have been to abort. There is NO REASON his life should be fucked up because she was selfish and chose not to abort and then chose not to adopt.

 

wow. cowboy/coyote whoever you are, you have certainly made alot of assumptions from my one little post! let me just say that i do NOT appreciate being called a dumb ****. that is just lame and uncalled for. second, you don't know the whole situation. i certainly didn't go into great detail.

right now, this is the way things are- he loves his son (or so he says) he is now happy i chose not to abort, and he does see him. he is just still in that party mode and doesn't put him first. it's total bullshit. he says he wants to be a good father to my baby but let's see it's been a week since he has seen him and that isn't ok with me. he is helping to support us financially. that is one area where he hasn't fucked up. (too bad anyways)

when he came back into my life, it was hard for me to let him back in. but he did several things to try and prove to me he was changing for the better and that he wanted to be truley invested in our lives. yes ok blame me for giving him a second chance. but i was very pregnant, very hormonal, and was accepting of any help i could get. he just doesn't like any sort of responsibility. or anything that requires him to be a certain place at a certain time.

and for the record i LOVE my son more than my own life and i am VERY capable of giving him what he needs. you may disagree. i don't give a shit. you don't know me and i don't know how you got that i wasn't a capable mother and it would be better to abort or give up for adoption than raise my son. if your basing this on some sort of lame ass percentage of children who are raised by single mothers do whatever i don't care. doesn't mean anything to me or my life.

this baby is very loved. both sets of granparents are very involved in his life. not to mention countless extended family and many many friends. i am a damn good mother and my child is taken care of financially. i am lucky that i can work from home doing graphic design. and like i said i do have financial support from the father.

with all that being said. i know that the way babydaddy is is going to affect my son down the road. i am just trying to figure out how to have his faults of character affect my son the least. it's really hard when you are with your child 24/7 and you watch him grow and take care of him and the father only does the bare minimum and then in turn is an asshole to me. i feel like at the very least i deserve respect from him for being his sons mother and taking care of him.

and i would also like to say that having my son is the best thing i have EVER done. i am so thankful every single day. he is a very very wanted child.

 

She never expected him to be a good father. In case you missed the reading how-to in kindergarten....HE chose to come back and wanted to be a family. Or, in your woman hating spree, did you over-read?

So, because the guy isn't man enough to step up and take responsibility for a baby HE helped create, the mother automatically has to abort? Oops, I forgot, a baby with only one parent turns out to be a retard that blows up his school.

He also chose to have sex. I'm sure she didn't just walk up to him and shove his penis in her.

Again, HE wanted to come back and support his family.

Oh, but she CAN force this guy to take care of his baby. The court systems comes into play there. If he's going to be a piece of shit and not take care of a baby he helped create, he can support the baby with a nice sum of money each month.

She never said she wanted to get rid of her baby or that she didn't love the baby. She decided to keep the baby. Why would she give her baby up for adoption? Because the dad is a piece of shit?

So, we can't point out what an asshole he is, but you can spend countless time making threads about how your ex girlfriend is such a bitch and how girls never shut up? Right....

Single moms raise wonderful adults everyday. Stop being an idiot and find a topic better suited for you. Sesame Street perhaps?


To the OP.
I've had boyfriends like yours in the past. I never had a baby with one (Though my babys daddy and current boyfriend did freak out and treat me like a lepar when I told him I was pregnant....but not to the degree of yours.) but, I can tell you that they really don't get any better.
The best way to get away is to just....go. Don't leave a note or anything. He sounds like he doesn't really care anyway....so, If you just go....it'll be easier for you and your baby. I'm sure you'd rather no dad than a POS that's verbally and mentally abusive. If it'll help, call one of those couseling hotlines. That way, you won't see anyone in person, and they keep your info private so your shits not spread around the community.

 

you know i really hate to admit this but i kind of sort of agrre with cowboi,, now hold on let me explain.... two sentences into your post and you state that when u first started dating him u thought he was great but he ended up not being so great. and you still had sex with him? obviously unprotected .mistakes 1 and 2. then after u get pregnant he tells you point blank that he wants you to abort which obviously we know that women have the choice, but he clearly indicates that he does not want to be involved in the pregnancy. that would be a hint and a half for my ass that he wasn't going to be the best daddy out there. i cannot believe that you are surprised he's not wanting to be involved in the childs life.and call it what it is but thinking he would change after the birth of a baby that he clearly expressed angst about is the same as trying to trap a man into being devoted to you as well as the child, but really in turn what you have done is create another life who by the way didn't ask to be born, who is now probably not going to have his father in his life. i used to think that children were born out of love and not lust. and by love i mean a loving caring relationship between the parents . which clearly you did not have.when you thought he wasn't so great is when you should have used protection.yes we all know that women make the choice and that it's there body but come on we are in 2007 let's start making babies out of love not lust.you chose to have this baby knowing how it's father felt . the only person you should be blaming is yourself.at least the father was honest. you both chose to fuck each other without any protection and he clearly stated that he wanted you do get an abortion and we know that men have no say in that because it's your body, well he told you he didn't want it so i guess you chose to raise your baby on your own.surprise, surprise surprise..

 

the point is ............ you are shocked and surprised at his irresponsibilty when u knew exactly how he was.. "he turned out not to be so great" but u still got pregnant. you chose to have your baby knowing what an asshole he is and thats fine, and your still wondering why he's still partying and treating you like shit. because you allow it. and then all the women come out saying oh the courts will make him responsible , yeah maybe fiancially responsible. but the courts cannot make him a responsible loving always there daddy., what if YOU wanted an aborton and he wanted to keep it would you?

 

i DID use protection. glad you know so well about what went on when i was having sex with him. awesome. and i never said i was suprised that he is being a jerk.

AND if you read my second post i said NOW he is happy that i didn't abort. he is the one that came back and BEGGED me to take him back into our lives. at 8 months pregnant i was ready to do this on my own. but i gave him a second chance. stupid me. i know. i will however agree with you that he treats me the way he does because i allow it.

i am human. not perfect. i wish i could do everything right like you people. but we all make mistakes. having my baby is certainly not one of them.

it is a difficult situation. not black and white. he tends to tell me one thing and do another. he is manipulative. yeah i know i should have never believed him. and when i say that he turned out to not be so great , that is being said in hindsight. at the time i got pregnant we were still together. and again, I DID USE PROTECTION. it's not 100%. nothing is. and i am not trying to make him do anything. i am just sick of the way he treats me and am trying to figure out a way to deal with that.

and to respond to " lets start making babies out of love not lust" well i was in love with him when i had sex with him and thought he was in love with me. people get decieved all the time. again, were you there when we had sex? no you are just assuming you know something and you don't.

 

and also, i gave you the shortened version in my first post. if you want me to go into detail so you have a better understanding. fine. throughout my pregnancy he told me many things. one minute he wanted me to abort next minute he didn't. he was all over the place.

i took him back at the end. i know i shouldn't have. but i did. i wanted to believe the things he was telling me. it's easy to say what you would of done or what i should have done when you aren't in the situation. looking back i would have done alot differently. BUT i do NOT regret my decision to have my baby. i should have been stronger from the beginning with him. but like i said people get decieved every day. he was never completely honest with me. never.