Hi there! Looking for suggestions/ other parent's experience. I have an 11 year old son that is already shaving and I can see the hormones starting to rage. Ugh. How do you teach your son about valuing and respecting women in a society that I feel, still caters to treating women at something to gawk at? His dad (my ex) bought him an iPhone that I am against and he is on FB. There are girls, his age, sending him provocative photos. It just seems overwhelming sometimes. I don't want to be an uptight parent, like my parents were, but at the same time, I know some boundaries need to be made. eace:
its too late now...you'll just have to hope you did good in the last 11 years there will always be slip ups but if you parented right from the beginning it will pay off in the long run
If he's a early developer, there's no way you are going to be able to control it. If at 11 he's already getting girls sexting, very likely means he's already sexually active and probably has been for a couple years. Something which you or your ex have no idea about so its irrelevant if you are uptight or not. He'll already be very aware most other guys his age dont get this stuff, thus be able to see that in older guys, thus if your ex is a little more average, he's automatically going to assume his father is as clueless as other guys his age, thus not going to bother asking him for advice, and he is CERTAINLY not going to talk to his mum about his sex life. And due to that default act you put on with your kids he's going to assume you are one of the nice girls anyway, thus have no idea, thus he's not going to talk to you about it even if you werent his mother, and not only that, he's going to be more protective of you and not talk to you about it cos he knows you will worry. You are his mum, but you are also a chic Your main concern is he doesnt get anyone pregnant or catch anything. Where as his main concern, isnt directly related, its dealing with jealous boyfriends, no doubt will include older girls. So if a 14 year old is sexting him whilst she has a 15 year old boyfriend. Then he has to worry about the 15 year old and his mates ganging up on him, even when its over some skanky girl he wasnt going to go near anyway. Another one of his concerns is just simply dealing with all the competiveness of the girls and all that stupid drama, making up stuff about him that isnt true basically to try make other girls lose interest. So all you can do is just make sure he knows about all the sex ed stuff. And probably the most important thing you have to do is drop that default act that all girls are made of sugar and spice, he already knows different. If you continue that act its just going to sound like you are trying to convince him Santa is real and then he'll just patronize you. Dish up some reality - that a lot of them are skanky little bitches. I might be wrong, there wasnt much information given in this thread. But if he's getting sexted at 11, its a big red flag. Only really means one thing. If at 11 he's developed early and a little more manly than he should be for 11, but the brain is still 11, a lot of girls in that 12-15 range will try take advantage of him
(Wow, Van, you seem to have some strong opinions when it comes to females.) What Van says about making sure he is educated on safe sex is a must as you know. Beyond that, you want to educate him on the emotional impact having sex will have on him and on others. Being sexually mature goes beyond physical ability and most times the body is willing long before the psyche is able. I would talk to him about who he esteems as role models, what qualities they possess etc., and try to point out some positive role models for him if he is lacking.
Well, effin hell this kind of shit pisses me off. Little dude is 11, shaving already, obviously developed early, other wise he wouldnt have girls sexting him at that age. If this story was the other way around, a tale about an 11 year old girl that had a bunch of 15 year old guys asking for naughty photos. What would your reaction be? Doesnt matter if he's developed early and looks 15, Doesnt matter if he's male and its not as physically threatening, or that he's male and he's just supposed to man up and handle it (at friggin 11 years old) the brain is still 11 No doubt some of these girls are older, no doubt some of them have boyfriends. OP is on about 'how do I teach my son about valuing and respecting woman?'. How do I teach my son about valuing and respecting a bunch of older girls who are basically one measure away from being pedos, who are asking him to do things when no one else is around, sending him naughty photos? (15 vs 11 arguably you wouldnt classify that as pedo, but its getting there) How do I teach my son about valuing and respecting a bunch of girls so ready to cheat on their boyfriends? How do I teach my son about a society that still caters to treating women as something to gawk at, when in his world he's got a bunch of girls that want him to gawk, want him to treat them like an object? But he should be made to feel ashamed? Its his fault they do that? They do that, they still are made of sugar and spice, all girls are good, all guys are pigs. That will be helpful in a couple years time when he's 15 and its an actual pedo doing it, a teacher or some bored housewife down the street, it'll be his fault they do that, all women are supposed to be valued and respected. Getting sexted at 11 is all the info I needed, its far from the median age. Just because you and the OP are the good ones, steady and faithful to your boyfriends in high school, on to get married and just wanted to be mums afterwards, DOESNT mean all girls are like that. What is fundamentally critical in this scenario is that the mother drops this bullshit act that all girls are good. There are just as many female pedos out there as male ones, it may not be as physically threatening, but just as friggin creepy, and as an 11 year old thats developed early he is more susceptable to them than any other in his age group But that may require a level of brutal honesty from the mother that she herself is not ready to face, let alone talk to the son about
You know nothing about my life. Do not base any of your opinions on your assumptions regarding my life.
keep open communication with him about his life and friends and activities. keep his life bussy with things with you as well a times so he knows you are still into him. and make it clear he can come to you. Also help him understand about safe sex condoms and babies etc. and diseases. talk to him about drugs and how he feels about them etc. kids are smart they take risks we have to be there for them.
Aerianne I am a songle mom with twin boys aged 16. There is no formula of how to raise children boys or girls. Unfortunately (or maybe not) hormones will wreack havoc in their behaviour and dvelopment. I leanred that an honest discussion about sex is importnat and I always make sure they carry condoms with them. Being a single mom somehow make them feel like they're the "man of the house", treat it with humour, when it seems to get out hand, you need to negotiate with them about something they want. (I use pocket money) because there is no worse sight than a broke teenager at a mall. you can pm me on yim i'm consumate_bimbo
I am pretty open with my son. He knows I have sex. I am in a long-term relationship. I am trying to teach him about consequences in regards to sex and drugs. I also want to teach him that it's not cool to be the guy who treats women like objects. However, I tend to agree with Vanilla Gorilla. I think he needs to know there are many women out there that will use him faster than a piece of toilet paper to wipe their ass. No, not all women are like that, but I am finding more and more women, do not care if a man is a relationship and that they will still work hard for his attention.
Thanks so much! I think you totally understand where I am coming from. I definitely think he sometimes he thinks he is the "man of the house". It is a bit tempered because my long-term boyfriend and I live together, but I still think he has a bit of that thought process!
Women are something to gawk at; for horny young men. Admiration doesn't necessarily equate to disrespect. He has strong opinions on everything. Sometimes, amazingly insightful ones. Sometimes, ones that would be insightful if the scenario in his head fit the real one =P
