Rainy Day Lives

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by nattimorgan, Jan 25, 2005.

  1. nattimorgan

    nattimorgan Member

    "Rainy Day Lives"
    by Garfield N. Morgan

    The crying clouds hang dark with gloom
    And we spend another afternoon,
    Playing cards inside a hotel room;
    With hopes the sun will come round soon.

    And in our mouths, linger the taste,
    Of the fickle love we made in haste.
    While all the seeds we spilled in waste,
    Ensure nothing around us remains chaste.

    The crying clouds all grieve in shame.
    The thunderclaps erase our names.
    And the lightning on our naked frames,
    Stills photographs of what remains.

    And stills somehow, the evidence;
    For the fruit of both our discontents
    Threatens to ripen with pretence,
    In spite of our penitence.

    And with the cards predicting what may come
    We plan to counter with our tongues,
    But we know that when it comes undone,
    Ours was never harmless fun.
     
  2. fulmah

    fulmah Chaser of Muses

    Intense work, here! Usually consistent rhyming really distracts me and feels cliché… but this was refreshing, especially the last three stanza’s. Very impressive! Hope to see more from you :)
     
  3. kidder

    kidder Member

    The third stanza is the kingpin here. Good work! It is tough to take on single rhyme units and do them well. You've succeeded!
     
  4. Bhaskar

    Bhaskar Members

    Man good job. You described a day out of my life that I wish had never happened.
     
  5. nattimorgan

    nattimorgan Member

    Thanks all. There are some problems that have common roots and if we look back, we sometimes can see where it all began. I wish from hereon we will all have mostly sunshine in our lives.
    Blessed Love and much Respect.
     
  6. Firebelle

    Firebelle Member

    This is one of the best rhyming poems I have read,there is something fresh about the rhyme and you seem to avoid most of the cliche's that befall the Rhyming Poet ;) There are a couple of lines that felt awkward to me, especially the line 'Ensure nothing around us remains chaste'. But apart from that, brilliant work I think!
     

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