some of you might remember me... maybe not. i was going to the hare krishna temple almost every day for a few months, going to festivals with them, doing all kinds of service, going on harinam, distributing books. i had an altar, i wore tilak and saris, i was looking forward to maybe someday getting initiated. but my affection faded off. i became vegan and so most of the maha prasadam i can't eat. i was really uncomfortable with my role as a girl in a mostly male temple worshiping a male. i know krishna is transcendental to masculinity/femininity, but i couldn't help it, i felt alienated. krishna himself is a lot different than his devotees, but it's hard to see that sometimes. and the devotees i know are absolutely amazing. it's just a block that i couldn't get past and now it's been more than a month since i last chanted or worshiped at my altar or anything. and i miss it. but since i stopped, i've gotten much more in tune with my girliness, and become a lot more comfortable with it. i've started learning how to bellydance, and that has helped me to stop feeling like just because i was born in this body i need to hide any ecstasy so i don't attract a boy. i feel like i can be ecstatic and worship however i want to independent of another person's reaction. i can move and speak and do things, and the fact that i'm in a girl's body does not automatically make my actions sexual. anyway, this isn't really what matters. while i have come to some different conclusions about my own beliefs in regard to my behavior, i miss bhakti. i especially miss radharani. of course i miss krishna, but i'm not at the point where i can have the right attitude towards worshiping him. my question is, would it be alright if i put aside krishna, caitanya, nityananda, jaganath, etc, and just worshiped radha? is it possible for her to be seperate from krishna? can anyone tell me anything i should know about her worship (i know certain demigods like ganesh are very forgiving, whereas krishna is a little more demanding, & does that only apply to actual deities?)? what books can i read to learn more about her? i only know a few stories that the devotees have told me. they didn't really focus on her much at all, so i don't know very much. a few things i want to add: i've decided i don't have any intention of accepting a guru, and while i can appreciate profoundly what prabhupada did, i don't agree with him on a lot of points. and i'm not going to have access to a temple for a while... one more thing. i'm the one who started the psychedelic drugs thread a while back. i decided they have a place in my life, spiritually. i recently took acid and the whole time i was seeing krishna and radha, and at the end ganesh and hanuman showed up too. which i think is interesting and i wanted to share, since it was a big part of my re-interest in hinduism . sorry this post is so long. thank you .