Questions for men attracted to men

So.. Im looking to ask mainly guys who consider themselves "gay". Not guys who consider themselves "bisexual". Guys who only have male sexual encounters/partners/significant others.
Is sex with women for you a complete no-no? Like is there no way you could ever get horny thinking about, or seeing a woman?
Im a very stubborn individual myself. For me, sex with a man is a complete no-no, ill not have ANY kind of sexual contact with another man. Ive never got turned on or horny seeing ANY man. Sex with a man is just never going to be appealing to me unless you dig into my skull and reprogram my brain somehow. I will never willingly have sex with a man and enjoy it. Please don't take offense to this. I wont ever eat green bean cassorole either. Cant really help my straightness.
Are you men who consider yourselves "totally gay" just as "gay" as I am "straight"? Or is there a circumstance where you would have a sexual encounter with a female, totally willingly and enjoy it? As of right now... I think that its likely many "totally gay" men are actually capable of this, but correct me if I am wrong. Gay men seem to be so much more open minded than extremely straight guys, when it comes to sex anyways. Many gay men have lots of women around them whom they get very close to. Women connect with them so well and get so emotionally attached to these gay men(so it seems) that i'd not be surprised if at some point maybe a woman tried to engage in sex with one of these gay men. Does that ever happen? If so, do you say "whoa whoa whoa hey im gay, sorry.."

 

is there an alternative definition to being gay that i don't know about? of course i have zero interest in women, otherwise i'd be bisexual. the idea of sex with a woman is disgusting.

no-one's forcing you to.

well i don't really know how straight you are. but this is something along the lines of how i've always seen this. i like men the way straight guys like women. it's fully analogous.

nope.

gay men may be more open-minded (i don't think that's fully true, but maybe as a generalization it'll do) but that doesn't change who we feel physically attracted to. open-mindedness has nothing to do with sexuality. it's like saying if you tolerate other people eating a lot of sweets but you're a diabetic yourself, you're also capable of eating a lot of sweets. full nonsense.

i'm open-minded where race is concerned, but guys a different race than i am are a turn-off mostly.

utter bullshit. you're buying into stereotypes. gay guys can form friendships with women just like straight guys can (i've seen plenty of straight guys do it). aside from being able to relate to finding the same gender attractive, there is no other characteristic that would separate out a gay guy's friendship with a female from a straight guy's one.

doesn't happen to me.

i don't connect with women at all. i find most of them irritating and having fake personalities. in order to connect with a female i would have to be able to understand them and i don't understand women's behavior and ''logic'' at all. whereas i understand men fully. and i love them. i think guys are utterly beautiful, amazing, and sexy.

i am not interested in pursuing a friendship with a female. and i have zero female friends. but there have been a couple during my lifetime with whom i've been able to sustain an interesting conversation with. there is no way in hell i'd get it up for them though. the idea of sex with that makes me wanna vomit. there's no way of getting around the genitalia.

 

I believe in opportunism. I am familiar with situational homosexuality, and I can imagine that there are gay guys out there who would have sex with a female if no qualified male is available.

Due to cultural and societal constraints, I believe that this would be rather rare, as "in theory only".

I agree with the original poster that gay men seem to be more open-minded when it comes to sex. It is a fact of life that gay men can have sex with other men without much ado. Typically, but not always, straight men have to go through a dating phase of some kind before they get laid. Gay men usually do not need to go through the dating unless they want to. Hence, the inhibition levels with gay men tend to be significantly lower.

And then, there is the issue of social conditioning, too. A straight man would typically have greater inhibitions to cross over into the gay zone. His socially praised straightness will be questioned. Heterosexuality is very fragile.

Here is a quote from a recent article on Slate.com.

http://slate.me/1dbET0T

Heterosexuality’s power lies in perception, not physical truth—as long as people think you’re exclusively attracted to the right gender, you’re golden. But perception is a precarious thing; a “zero-tolerance” policy has taught men that the way people think of them can change permanently with one slip, one little kiss or too-intimate friendship. And once lost, it can be nearly impossible to reclaim.

A gay man who may choose to cross over into the straight zone does not have to cope with the societally imposed "zero tolerance" policy.

Would I cross the line? I would have no problem with doing it. But in practical life, I doubt very much that I would even vaguely consider doing it. I do not believe in sympathy sex. I am not interested in having sex with women. I am attracted to men.

I work very well together with women. But, I also very much agree with MW when he says that I find most of them having fake personalities. I also believe that women have been socially conditioned to be manipulative, and view sex as something that they grant to men in exchange for whatever benefits they may want to receive.

No doubt, not every woman fits this picture. But the stereotype is out there for a reason.

KD

 

i agree with this fully.

i just don't agree that this type of open-mindedness transcends gender, which is what i understood the OP was implying.

 

I once had a best friend that was a straight woman. We went to movies, dinner, concerts, plays, etc.

She knew I was gay from the start, so I thought everything was cool between us. We talked on the phone every day. She was like family to me.

But when her straight boyfriends disappointed her - she wanted comfort (and sex) from me. I was more than willing to comfort her, but sex was out of the question. I like men (and she knew this). Yet she habitually tried to turn our friendship into a sexual one.

The last straw was when she accused me of being a selfish jerk, because I would not sleep with her. WTF?

When I reminded her that I am a gay man, she claimed that several gay men had slept with her (while high or drunk), so I was just being a cruel bastard. No, she was the true selfish one, so I ultimately had to end the friendship.

I liked her as a person, but her reasoning was flawed big time. I once asked her why she was so determined to have sex with me? Her answer was that she could get just about any straight dude to sleep with her (she was very attractive and knew it), so gay men were more of a challenge.

I didn't care to be her trophy. So I had to end the friendship. It made me sad, but she never respected the fact that only men (not women), turned me on. She always felt I should make an exception in her case. I still don't understand why she insisted I sleep with her.

When I asked her if she would have sex with a friend that was a woman, she got very indignant and reminded me that she was not a lesbian! Indeed.

QP

 

I am and have always been gay. I have ZERO sexual interest in women, I have never had any sexual thoughts nor desires for women. I have female friends to whom I am quite close to but it is just friendship.

I am wired this way and can't help nor apologize for my gayness.

 

I really liked the QP post here.

It is fully illustrative of an attitude that I encounter rather often among the many people I know.

Well, you know, "they are special". As in "Very, very special".

Yeah, you may have your sexual orientation. You may have the principles you abide by. You may have your "do's" and "don'ts" but who the hell cares? I am SO special that you'll throw all of that overboard simply for the joy of pleasing me at any time, won't you?

The word narcissistic does not even to begin to describe an ever growing number of seemingly normal people I encounter. People are being told incessantly that they matter beyond any conceivable boundaries. They are consumers, and they matter. If you do not buy my product or service, I will go out of business, and yeah, we all shall suffer interminably... Nail this message into people day in and day out, and quite a few people assume the airs of being a supreme being to whom everyone else is inferior.

Such superior beings among us are clearly endowed with superior wisdom, too. They know precisely how you can subordinate your plans, days and lives to please them and their needs.

I must confess to taking quite some pleasure in teaching them the simple meaning of "NO". I enjoy seeing a facial expression worth serious money when the reality strikes...

KD

 

I have alot of gay men friends and I would never insult them in this manner. I have far too much respect for each of them.

 

Hey, thanks for helping me to understand why I ultimately had to end the friendship: The respect was not mutual. And that's never a sound basis for a friendship. I lived and learned. :sunny:

QP