Problems with in-laws?

Discussion in 'People' started by kat2000, May 15, 2004.

  1. kat2000

    kat2000 Member

    I have not spoken to my in-laws for a year. But last week, they spotted my husband and I at a restaurant and came up to us. As always, I put on a show of forced smiles that looked grinning. The things they did caused alot of hurt in me. Not sure what to do, forgive or forget? Move on? What about my husband? He tells me he misses them sometimes. What should I do? He goes to see them every now and then, but kept wanting me to visit them.
     
  2. fallenangel

    fallenangel Member

    I completely understand what u are going thru. I haven't talked to or seen my in laws in almost a year. I have a hard time forgetting or forgiving whats been done to me. I've been told to get over it, but thats easier said than done. My husband sees them often, & i wonder why he doesn't stand up to them on my behalf. :(
     
  3. retrofishie

    retrofishie Senior Member

    I don't know what happened so if what i say doesn't apply to you just ignore it.

    first, i am a firm believer that when a man marries a woman, he HAS TO put her first and foremost, if his parents force him to choose between them and his wife, there is no excuse to choose his parents. i believe that a man should defend his wife from anyone that she needs to be defended against.

    second, it's not fair to make someone choose between family members (weather its the parents makeing them choose or the spouse, it doesn't matter)

    third, forgiveness is something that is given, not earned, try to forgive them for whatever they have done but don't forget that they havn't changed and don't put yourself in a position to let them hurt you again, this way you will be safe and your spouse will be able to have a relationship with his parents.

    i hope it helps.
     
  4. squawkers7

    squawkers7 radical rebel

    My ex in-laws were a BIG problem in my marriage and my ex-husband at
    that time seemed to act like he married his family instead of me. Since
    the divorce and I moved away a couple times things are pretty good.
    Course ya can't fight with a whole clan of people if ya don't live across the
    street or just around the corner.
    Well anyways, I visited there almost 3 yrs ago for couple weeks. Last couple yrs my ex and the kids lived in AZ near me, but they have all
    moved back to NH. This summer I'm spending 3 months in NH...hopfully
    it's not another catfight or tug-of-war with his family. Guess I'll go stay
    in the next town with my own family for awhile if it does.
     
  5. kat2000

    kat2000 Member

    fallenangel, you and I relate so well. I, too wonder why my husband doesn't stand up to his family on my behalf. Sometimes, I don't know what to think or feel about it but the thought of all the hurt they've caused is still there.

    squawkers7, living close to relatives and inlaws is never an easy thing to do. There's always some kind of argument going on. The best resolution I discovered is to maintain some distance from the inlaws.​

    retrofishie, I agree with everything you've stated and well said. I can relate to all three descriptions. True, no one should ever be force to choose between family. I may not like what the inlaws had done, but not once have I ever disagree with him seeing his family. Its so difficult to forget the hurtful things they did to jeopardize our wedding even our future. It was horrible, they were horrible people...I've done nothing but good and respectfull to his family up to that point. They have lost a really great daughter in law and gained nothing for their selfishness.​

    Again, thanks everyone for caring and sharing your views and stories with me; as well as giving forth your kind and beautiful suggestions.
    -tom
    -cerridwen
    -retrofishie
     
  6. tom

    tom Member

    Although it may be a bummer for your significant other that you don't get along with his in-laws, remember that you're with him and not with them. Probably a good idea not to try to come in between them and don't bad mouth them (in front of him anyways). Can't help feeling the way ya feel.
     
  7. cerridwen

    cerridwen in stitches

    I say that you should come to some kind of comprimise with them... Talk to them and figure stuff out, clear the air so things become at least tolerable.

    I'm lucky that I get along better with my inlaws than my own parents.... but again, there's comprimise involved when dealing with family.
     
  8. retrofishie

    retrofishie Senior Member

    I haven't spoken to my parents in over a year (well actually, they haven't spoken to me) and they hate my boyfriend with a passion (we have lived together for a year). they have done as many things to try and ruin our life and more than one of them has involved the police. anyways, i don't want a relationship with them and i don't want my boyfriend to either but i don't like it when he badmouths them infront of me or anyone else, they are still my parents.
    so even if you don't get along with your inlaws, be respectful that they are your spouces parents.
     
  9. weenur

    weenur Member

    i am recently married. May 11, 2004. my now husband and i have been living together for about a year. he is a former marine who was discharged from the service due to a heat stroke.

    i dont like his father. in july 2003, shortly after he was discharged, i became pregnant. in october of that same year, i had a VERY difficult miscarriage. his father would later accuse me of FAKING the pregnancy and miscarriage to "get his son out of the marines." i was FURIOUS when he said this and want nothing to do with him. he then tried his hardest to break us up. he accused me of writing emails to an ex boyfriend. i asked for proof and then he denied saying it. he is verbally abusive to his children and a womanizer. he is going on his 3rd marriage. he gives me the creeps. i have avoided family outings where i know he will be present, and i know that this hurts my husband. i am beginning to think that i made a mistake getting married. i dont want him as a father in law and i am not interested in "getting to know him" he has already proven to be a complete ass. is it wrong to feel this way? should i get divorced because of this?
     
  10. Jedi

    Jedi Self Banned

    Thats a tough question, its not wrong to feel that way and don't get divorced, no matter how "assy" his parents are, your hubby needs ya. Just try to keep your distance from his parents and just forgive his father... and then maybe you can move really far away from your in laws?
     

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