Power_13's Official Bad Joke Thread

Sundays are always slow, and nobody is online. So you brought this upon yourselves


A chicken and a horse were walking around the farmyard when the horse suddenly fell into a hole.
"Help, help!" The horse shouted. "I have fallen into a hole!"
"Don't panic, I'll save you!" The chicken ran around the farm looking for something to save the horse with. Eventually he found a coil of rope. He threw one end down the hole and tied the other end to the farmer's Jaguar Coupe (who says farmers are poor? ). The horse held onto the rope with his teeth as the chicken hotwired the car (Pontefract chicken, obviously) and pulled the horse out.

The next day, the horse and chicken were walkiing again. They came across the hole again, and the chicken fell in this time.

"Oh bugger."
"Don't worry chicken, I'll save you!" The horse galloped away and found the rope. Unfortunately, he soon realised that the farmer had put his car in the garage. Looking around, the horse saw a tree, so he tied the rope to that. But when he threw the rope down for the chicken, it was too short for the chicken to reach.

"Hold on, I have a plan." The horse pulled the rope back up and tied it to his front legs. Then he carefully lowered himself down the hole, hanging by the rope.
"Grab hold of my tail." The horse said. The chicken grabbed the horse's tail and the horse, still hanging by the rope, scrambled out of the hole.



The moral of the story is:
If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a fancy car to pull the chicks.

 

Haha, i like it. It's about time you had a thread dedicated to your bad jokes! Keep them rollin'...

 

What's E.T. short for?

He only has little legs.

 

Do you still have that 'Officially Funny' card?!

 

hehe keep em comin

 

Yep, it's pinned on my noticeboard

Although I'm beginning to think those two guys only gave me it so I'd bugger off and stop the bad jokes

 

*woop woop* more bad jokes pleease!

 

*Cries*

 

A dude walks into a brothel.
"scuse me." He says to the Madame. "I need a shag, but I only have a fiver. Can you help a guy out?"
The Madame thinks about this then nods. "I can help you. Follow me."

She leads him up the stairs, along a corridor then opens a door. "Here you go." She takes the fiver and walks off.

The guy walks into the room. It's lit by a single bulb in the middle of the ceiling, and there's a dog in the middle of the room.

Although a bit shocked by this at first, he eventually warms to the idea. "A shag's a shag" He thinks as he undresses.


*CENSORED BY FORUM MODS*


A few weeks later, he comes back.
"Look," he says to the Madame, "I have a tenner this time. Still not much, but can you fix me up?"
"Sure. Follow me." She leads him up the same stairs, but into a different room. Entering the room, he sees a row of chairs facing a TV. He takes a seat next to some guy.

The TV is showing a man shagging a rather unattractive woman.

The guy nudges the man next to him. "Hey, this is a bit...this is a bit weird, isn't it?"

"You think this is bad?" The man replies. "A few weeks ago it was some sicko fucking a dog!"

 

What's the definition of a fart?
>
>
>
>
>
>
Wind in a hurry!! ewwwww

 

These two women walking along a street talking about dresses or something. One of the women points into a shop window and says "Looks, there's the one I'd get."
Then a Cyclops comes out of the shop and chases her.

 

Must delete thread.. cannot cope with bad jokes

 

Out of all the jokes I have heard you tell, that one is always my...favourite!

 

I have to admit, that's my personal favourite too Part of the beauty of it is how it's one of the few jokes that gets funnier if you need to explain it to someone.

Major Ingram was found dead yesterday. Upon hearing the news, Chris Tarrant phone Mrs Ingram up and, as a gesture of goodwill, offered to pay for the funeral.

However, he refused to pay for the coffin.

 

Why are pirates called pirates???



because they Arrrrrr

 

This is by far the most stupid joke I have ever heard but its sooooooooo funny

 

ok....im stupid, i admit it...don't get the cylclops joke

whats brown and sounds like a bell............DUNG

whats brown and sticky..........................a stick

 

what do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
a stick!

Why do mice have such small balls?
because not many of them dance

A guy walks into a taxedermist with two squirrels. The Taxedermist asks "Would you like those mounted?" The man replies, "No, just shaking hands will be fine"


I love bad jokes

 

1. Why are squirrels and plums the same? Cuz they're both purple, except the squirrel.
2. Men and women go together like fish and bicycles.
3. This is a great knock knock joke....but you have to start it, okay, go ahead?
4. Where do general keep their armies? In their sleevies.
5. If Mozart was alive today, what would he be doing? Scratching at the lid of his coffin.
6. What is Beethoven doing right now? Decomposing.
7. Steven Seagal, Sly Stallone, and Arnold Shwarzenegger are making a new action movie where they are timetravelling famous composers. They each got to pick their own characters. Seagal wanted to be Mozart, Stallone said he'd be Beethoven, and Arnie said, I'll be Bach.
   

 

An elephant is taking a dump when a sheep comes walking by. The elephant asks "Hey, does shit stick to your fur?" The sheep says, "No."

So the elephant wipes his ass with him.