My lover and I drifted apart recently and basically yesterday I sent her a letter detailing what would have to change or our relationship would end. It came to pass that she is completely uncomfortable with the act of sex. She said she sometimes feels disgusted and was try to remain abstinent before we started seeing each other again but basically, since I wasn't interested in a platonic relationship she just didn't say anything about it. Which is really heartbreaking to me that she should feel this way about her body and others in such a natural expression. Just some bacground, she's 19, has had some bad partners, I somewhat expect there was a very specific event that caused this. What I want to know is, whether there's an ideal healing process for this kind of psychological injury. Is she right to pursue abstinence? That seams counterintuitive to me. Obviously I'm motivated by my desire to make love to this girl but things are pretty cleanly done (for reasons of my own beyond this issue) so I'm really just hoping someone can direct me to some resources I can get to her and help her fix up her life. I'm just afraid she's going to suffer from abandonment all her life as guys come in, get close, and when they find there's no room for a sexual relationship, check out. I know she feels that somewhat about me but I'm not willing or able to compartmentalize my affections for her. That's to repressive to my nature. Thanks whoever reads.
She has a right to be abstinent if she wants to be. There's no law that you have to have sex. You might want to encourage her to go to therapy. It's not the therapists job to push her to want sex though, but rather to help her reach her own goals. If you are ready to wait, you can wait around. If not, move on.
Obviously that's her right... The relationship is over tentatively, I'm moving on. I'm just looking for some literature on the topic so I can understand better and maybe help her as I said I would be willing to talk about this with her regardless of our breakup. "Go to therapy" isn't exactly the approach I'm interested in. I'd rather understand more fundamentally so that I can be a good person to her.
