Porcelain Vase Pt. 2 "My daughter lie broken"

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by TheDoorsOfPerception, May 24, 2004.

  1. *mother's point of view*

    so smooth to the touch
    I loved that vase so much
    it was held near and dear to my heart
    but on that one single night,
    everything fell apart
    blood soaked on the carpet is what I've found
    then I noticed my daughter lying on the ground
    I held her in my arms
    I left everything else in its place
    then she reached up with her bloody hand
    and touched my face
    I held her closer, her heartbeat even with mine
    at that moment, I knew that everything wasn't fine
    she told me she loved me,
    that she was trying to stay with me,
    with every breath she'd take
    I never thought that,
    like the vase she'd break
    the gasps grew more and more
    I said, "I love you." and laid her on the floor
    I called for help, but it was much too late
    my daughter said goodbye and met her sad fate
    my daughter lie broken.
  2. VanAstral

    VanAstral Member

    well that was disturbing.
    good job!
  3. thanks, I can't help that I write disturbing things though.
  4. Spyder

    Spyder La dah de dah

    excellent, two poems together...
  5. I wrote these poems a while back, I have no idea what brought the idea to me though.
  6. Cirrhosis

    Cirrhosis Banned

    I could hardly read it all, as it pained me to do so. Not because of the topic, but because you put about as much thought into that as one puts into picking their nose.
  7. Spyder

    Spyder La dah de dah

    And apparently your not a poetry lover, because any poetry lover would know how to critises positively and correctly, not just by insulting it in the nonsensical fashion that you have adopted
  8. Cirrhosis

    Cirrhosis Banned

    I'm not a poetry lover? Right...
  9. Spyder

    Spyder La dah de dah

    why not critisise in a decent way then, saying that it has about as much thought as picking your nose says nothing about it
  10. Everyone has their own opinions, I appreciate your comment.. even though I thought the way it was said was kind of mean.

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