Poem Of ode to... w/e

Discussion in 'The Whiners' started by acetonephish, May 12, 2004.

  1. acetonephish

    acetonephish lickage

    (I did...)

    Lay down
    Hush, hush
    We’ll sing a lullaby together
    With cloudy waves
    A full moon’s bloom
    And the ticking of the vintage clock to sooth you
    Let the howls sound
    Trees retreat
    Stars fade to shallow graves
    Because the world’s too fast
    The day’s too short
    And we’re too young to dream
    Let’s ride together
    You and I
    On our secret chariot
    Where our love won’t die
    The earth won’t move
    And the trees will never age
    The wind will dance
    While leaves embrace
    And we will still remain
    Here forever
    You and I
    While existence fades away
     
  2. sitareric

    sitareric Banned

    I like it:D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  3. acetonephish

    acetonephish lickage

  4. Orsino

    Orsino Member

    lol... you didn't give me credit for helping you... :D
     
  5. acetonephish

    acetonephish lickage

    haha, you gave me like 3 words :rolleyes:
     
  6. Orsino

    Orsino Member

    lol... I also told you what you should keep, what you shouldn't, where you needed strength, and was your thesaurus, but I also told you you should do what you like to it...
     
  7. acetonephish

    acetonephish lickage

    did I follow any of your instructions :p
     
  8. Orsino

    Orsino Member

    lol.. they weren't instructions, they were suggestions, and you did use some... actually.. I remember you using a few.... and I definately remember telling you to use "embrace" in "the leaves embrace" and a few other things such as that.. and I think you also rewrote a couple sentences... I don't want to keep picking at this.. lol.. it's a freakin' poem... and a good one at that and you do deserve more compliments and credit than anyone and you do underestimate what you write quite often but a lot of times I sense a lot of modesty in it.
     
  9. acetonephish

    acetonephish lickage

    haha, dude, you didnt give me sentences, you gave me words :p (there aren't even full sentences in it)
     
  10. Orsino

    Orsino Member

    lol.. true. verses. and three words can make a sentance.. such as "I suck bologna." or... "friskerdoodlingtonshiringfunkymonkey" could be one word or something in swahili that meant something....... ok... lol... that was odd... wow.
     
  11. Peace

    Peace In complete harmony.

    [​IMG] thumbs up [​IMG]
     
  12. Fractual_

    Fractual_ cosmos factory

    i cant say i like it, that would be lying. sorry.



    also, it does not belong in this forum.
     
  13. Orsino

    Orsino Member

    Then why in the hell is does tor get to post his in here? hmm? And what says you can't post that in here. Maybe she doesn't want it in the poetry forum. Maybe it isn't poetry. Maybe it's prose that looks and sounds a lot like poetry.... maybe you're just trying to be an ass and use the poem as an excuse to be one.... and it really doesn't mean anything from one's point of view, but to another, and to the author, it's a different story, but say as you want, it is critique even though I know you're just trying to use that as an excuse.
     
  14. Fractual_

    Fractual_ cosmos factory

    assholes dont apologize, or tell the truth.
     
  15. acetonephish

    acetonephish lickage

    Fractual, I think it is evident that the only comments you would give me, would be rude or hurtful (anyone feel free to refer back to one of my earlier threads where I posted a conversation with him).

    So, honestly, I really can't trust anything you say to me, whether they are nice (haha... suuure), or not.

    I think you're just a little too pissed at me finding it funny that you came off (hahah!) as a dude who watches too much porn, jacks off too much, etc....

    And george did help me with this poem. So I should give some credit to him :p
     
  16. Fractual_

    Fractual_ cosmos factory

    if the poem was really that moving, it would have changed my opinion of you.
     
  17. acetonephish

    acetonephish lickage

    ::burp::

    I don't see how writing a simple poem would make a person's opinion change about another person. I don't believe writing a poem would really do too much good for the world. Therefore, if someone I truly hated wrote a poem, whether it was good or not, I don't see why, or even how I would actually stop hating them. Instead, I would just gain another opinion of them: they're a good writer or... they're not. :p

    But thats just me.

    And if I were to critique their poem, I wouldn't continue to babble on afterwards, in hopes of hurting their feelings even more, if at all to begin with (just so I wouldn't make myself look like that big of an ass... ya know).
     
  18. Orsino

    Orsino Member

    But if you had such a strong previous opinion on both of us, a poem isn't going to do anything.... no, not really. Unless it was so freakin' enlightening it was almost unbelievable, in which the case for you is that the topic would have to circle around pornography somewhat. :D
     
  19. Green

    Green Iconoclastic

    This thread is like, sacred.
     
  20. get_up_kid

    get_up_kid Member

    This shit is bananas.
     

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