(I did...) Lay down Hush, hush We’ll sing a lullaby together With cloudy waves A full moon’s bloom And the ticking of the vintage clock to sooth you Let the howls sound Trees retreat Stars fade to shallow graves Because the world’s too fast The day’s too short And we’re too young to dream Let’s ride together You and I On our secret chariot Where our love won’t die The earth won’t move And the trees will never age The wind will dance While leaves embrace And we will still remain Here forever You and IWhile existence fades away
lol... I also told you what you should keep, what you shouldn't, where you needed strength, and was your thesaurus, but I also told you you should do what you like to it...
lol.. they weren't instructions, they were suggestions, and you did use some... actually.. I remember you using a few.... and I definately remember telling you to use "embrace" in "the leaves embrace" and a few other things such as that.. and I think you also rewrote a couple sentences... I don't want to keep picking at this.. lol.. it's a freakin' poem... and a good one at that and you do deserve more compliments and credit than anyone and you do underestimate what you write quite often but a lot of times I sense a lot of modesty in it.
lol.. true. verses. and three words can make a sentance.. such as "I suck bologna." or... "friskerdoodlingtonshiringfunkymonkey" could be one word or something in swahili that meant something....... ok... lol... that was odd... wow.
Then why in the hell is does tor get to post his in here? hmm? And what says you can't post that in here. Maybe she doesn't want it in the poetry forum. Maybe it isn't poetry. Maybe it's prose that looks and sounds a lot like poetry.... maybe you're just trying to be an ass and use the poem as an excuse to be one.... and it really doesn't mean anything from one's point of view, but to another, and to the author, it's a different story, but say as you want, it is critique even though I know you're just trying to use that as an excuse.
Fractual, I think it is evident that the only comments you would give me, would be rude or hurtful (anyone feel free to refer back to one of my earlier threads where I posted a conversation with him). So, honestly, I really can't trust anything you say to me, whether they are nice (haha... suuure), or not. I think you're just a little too pissed at me finding it funny that you came off (hahah!) as a dude who watches too much porn, jacks off too much, etc.... And george did help me with this poem. So I should give some credit to him
::burp:: I don't see how writing a simple poem would make a person's opinion change about another person. I don't believe writing a poem would really do too much good for the world. Therefore, if someone I truly hated wrote a poem, whether it was good or not, I don't see why, or even how I would actually stop hating them. Instead, I would just gain another opinion of them: they're a good writer or... they're not. But thats just me. And if I were to critique their poem, I wouldn't continue to babble on afterwards, in hopes of hurting their feelings even more, if at all to begin with (just so I wouldn't make myself look like that big of an ass... ya know).
But if you had such a strong previous opinion on both of us, a poem isn't going to do anything.... no, not really. Unless it was so freakin' enlightening it was almost unbelievable, in which the case for you is that the topic would have to circle around pornography somewhat.