Lately I was thinking who responsible is for the enjoyment of pleasure between yourself and your partner. Are you in way responsible for your own pleasure or do you feel more responsible for the pleasure of you partner? All this can be during a deep kiss or sexual contact. And in what way plays arousal a roll in all this for you?
When we started dating in high school and exploring our sexuality, my focus was on my enjoyment. Over time, that focus changed and I found that I wanted to make sure she had a pleasurable experience. I knew I was going to enjoy it, but it was much more enjoyable if I knew she had a great experience.
Thanks for your reply Olderndirt. The latest relation I had told me I was responsible for my own pleasure and enjoyment. That raised some question marks. So I thought lets ask it in here.
Each partner is responsible for their own pleasure. A partner cannot know what pleases another without the other partner having input into what makes them feel good. I always tell my partner that what she may be doing either feels good to me and I like it or doesn't. I've told my partner to go back to what she was doing before because she changed what she was doing and it didn't give me as much pleasure. I also make sure to ask if what I am doing to her feels good. I've gotten her to respond either positively or negatively so I know that I either keep going or change. Once we know what the other finds pleasurable we can provide that for them. But unless we communicate that to each other it remains unknown. The only way for your partner to know what pleases you is for you to take responsibility for your own pleasure and let your partner know.
Personally, while it's not a responsibility or a requirement, I always give my wife an orgasm. Why wouldn't I? That's the end goal of sex, an orgasm. If im giving oral then that's what she's getting. We're girl/girl couple though, so it's probably different because neither of us have the mentality of the above post lol. So a type of scenario in girl/girl sex is to "switch". One is more dominant one day to the other etc. In the same regard as I treat my wife, if she's going down on me then it's an orgasm. Why wouldn't it be? That's the achievement of a sexual encounter. If you can't even give your girls an orgasm, sex on her part is pretty much missing the objective. Sorry not sorry.
I think it's totally true what you are saying Irminsul. I think the same as you do. Thanks for sharing too.
I always put my woman's pleasure before mine,, but give and take is important I believe,, keeps it fresh
I think it's a team effort but positions play a role. I recently posted about this Lotus Position that we just kind of started incorporating. It's totally in contrast to our normal style of having sex. It's slower and intimate, I control the pace and it's almost guaranteed to give me an orgasm. Don't get me wrong, most of the time I love it fast and kind of hard/rough to a degree but this is just a different change of pace. Because I'm controlling the angle and he gets pretty deep, plus we get to kiss and he usually holds me with at least one strong hand on my ass (turn on for me), I just get off because it lasts longer this way. So I think we can both be in control, and most of the time I am turned on by him being dominant. Still, I think it's mostly a combined effort (though there are times where he just comes first and then.. ya know)..
I think that it's important to recognize responsibility for both. I don't know if this is as much the case for same sex couples (I would imagine it's a little different) but in terms of a man and being with a woman, I feel like it's paramount to realize exactly how your partner gets her pleasure and make sure she has the opportunity or the wherewithal to achieve climax. It's simple enough. If she isn't achieving climax the sex is not rewarding; at least not rewarding enough.
Thanks for posting Soulcompromise and GypsyHolly. As I understand it is given and take, as it is in other things. I was just posting this, cause I share the same thoughts as GypsyHolly. That last line says it all for me Soulcompromise. You are so right there! I got my answer what I wanted to know.
I tend to find things that give my partner pleasure are also highly arousing for me. Like, if I'm down giving oral to a woman she's getting the physical stimulation, but I'm getting aroused by that activity.
I disagree. IMO you are responsible for your partners pleasure. And that is done by understanding what he/she likes. And by unselfishly, unconditionally, and thoroughly granting those sexual desires.
I'm in for my partner. Once I went and put a condom on and started to put it in her. She looked down and said take that thing off. I'm big around and worked it deep into her after much patience. When I hit bottom she started squirming and said she wanted me to come. I said not until she is fully ready for it. We went on for several hours and then she again said she wanted me. I said only if you come with me. We came together for years and she never got a fat tummy. I never used another condom on any of my girl friends. SHE wanted it bareback and as deep as possible. I like to leave it in deep and go to sleep and come all night and so does she. Several times nothing ran out of her, and I carried a real load about the size of a coffee cup. I married and made babies. My girlfriend needed help so I also helped her husband get her pregnant as he had a low sperm count. He didn't know about it. Her legs on my shoulders made it just right. I think I came about ten minutes that way. She could feel all of me.
Surely its a bit of both? I find a selfish lover a bit of a turn off. Sex with someone who's willing to give a little as well as take a little, is much more fulfilling that someone who just uses you to get his/her rocks off and rolls over and goes to sleep or just doesn't care about his/her partner's needs or feelings. It's an added bonus then that it totally turns me on seeing the person I'm with taking pleasure from what I'm doing to them...
Personally I concentrate on my partner . I make sure that fireworks fly and the earth opens up for her . She will reciprocate a little later knowing that once I am spent things will tail off a little . Therefore I do the job on her first and very happy to oblige My mission really is to make sure she is happy and fulfilled .
This is such an interesting question. And it's really unique and different for each individual. For me, it's always about my partner. That's just the way I am. I focus on giving him pleasure and when I see that happening that is what gets me excited and makes me go on, it's like a feedback loop. Actually getting him to the stage where he is focused on his own pleasure too, that's what I really go crazy for. So it's not as clear cut as giving each other pleasure, or looking after our own
All of the sexual activity between my wife and I is directed to her physical pleasure. Lately we‘ve primarily stuck to oral sex where I always give and she always receives. She does not perform oral sex on me. She’s an amazing woman and it is an honor and a privilege for me to lick her pussy.
I always feel responsible for the main pleasure of my partner while also allowing her to give me pleasure that becomes a perpetual snowball of pleasure as you get what you give.
