If youve read the "My Love," in the love and sex section than please read this. Tell me what you think, i wrote this to my b/f tonight(sorry its full of spelling mistakes, I dont feel like proof reading): Justin, I want to tell you that I miss you. I hate the fact that I miss you, but I really do. I almost cried at work when I had to ask Andrew for a ride home. And I was expecting that you would come home, but now its 3 am and Im up all alone. No one else that I know stays up this late. I'm so sad. I hate my life. I feel so hopeless. I feel like my mother, like I cant descide anything.Omigod, I am just like her, it makes me sick. I don't know what to do with myself. <that is what my mother would say in this situation, and I just wrote it without even tring to sound like her. i make myself sick. I wish that I didnt like girls. I wish I wa s a normal straight fucking girl who loved guys, and was all boy crazy like most girls are. That way we wouldnt be going through this. Living together makes evrything harder b/c of the stress of finding new living arrangements, and blah blah. not to mention that I will have to start sleeping alone, without you and not have your beautiful face to look at in the morning anymore. I talked with anna tonight, I feel like I have my head on backwards, even worse, I feel like its gone, or like it was never there. fuck i dont know. see, there i go again. Oh baby, I wish youd come home. I need a hug. you make me feel safe. I thin k that s another thing, I feel so comfy with you, like I know that whatever happens i will have you, and I feel like i have total control. Thats not good because it gives me the opportunity to dick around. I just really feel that my being with you is unhealthy for both of us, especially for you right now. I KNOW this: that if something isn't done about the ANna thing, it WILL continue to be a problem for the rest of my life. I need to do something. I need to figure things out. I think I/m going to go see the psychologist that my mom sees. I thin k that he may be able to help me think clearer and help me learn to sort out and solve my problems better. I'll call tomorrow. Justin, I want to do something. I need to change my life. Im so unhappy with everything. I tired of being so sad, I sick of being so confused, and most of all Im sick of being unconfedent in every decsiion i try and make. I hurt justin, I hurt so bad, and Im doing it to myself. I think I really hate me this bad that I do these horrible things to myself. I hope to see you soon, love lindsay.