I've had a horrible day. My depression is going to kill me. For a little info, my mother is facing a wrongful death lawsuit because my uncle murdered two men. Apparently you're now responsible for the actions of your siblings. Anyway, this lawsuit has dragged on for 3 years now. A trial is set for this spring. The judge in the case was a high school classmate of mine and his wife was one of my coworkers for several years. I had the worst nightmare today. I haven't been sleeping hardly at all despite taking prescription sleeping pills. Anyway, in the nightmare my mother lost the case and they took everything she owns. I decided I was going to get revenge on the judge. I didn't hit him or shoot him. I didn't kill anyone. I took revenge by raping his wife. I don't understand how such a horrible thought was planted somewhere in my mind. I keep trying to tell myself it was just a bad dream but it was so vivid and lifelike. I have the images of her screaming etched into my mind and can't make the thoughts go away. I know I could never hurt her in real life but knowing that isn't easing any of the pain. I feel guilty over a nightmare I had. I woke up in the middle and I just went in the bathroom and cried for close to 2 hours. I've been crying on and off all day. I feel like there's something sick and evil about me just for having that sick thought show up in a nightmare. I have a strong feeling that I'm going to kill myself soon. I have an old shotgun but it doesn't work very well. If I were going to do it I would buy a new gun first. I'm not going to a mental hospital. All they will do is give me more of the same useless drugs that psychiatrists have been giving me for 26 years. They are quacks that prescribe drugs that are both ineffective and dangerous. I'll never trust a psychiatrist after the first one I saw was prescribing me 24mg a day of xanax and now almost 3 decades later I'm still hopelessly addicted to the shit.Am I evil for having a thought like that enter my head even in a dream? I know I'm ranting at this point but I'm in pain and there's nobody who can help me.
Sounds like there isn't too much you can do really. I hope it turns out well for you. I wouldn't give too much thought to the nightmares.
You just need to understand your dream! It's horrible when you dream of stuff like that! But first! Think of your family! Yes you should! Your wife, has been through some hard times, I know! You were part of that healing, but don't take anything for granted, your pulling yourself apart..reverse your own questions, what will she do if you killed yourself? How will she continue to fight? Think hard, because suicide is a quitters way of dealing with things! Are you a quitter? Your mum's trial, won't go ahead when they discover your connection with the judge..no way! Your dream..I had real trouble with dreams after I was ill, someone helped me, then when my marriage ended, it happened again, so I worked out my system..try it! Everything in your dream, is you, make the connection! Everything in your dream, is connected to you! So think about what you have been talking about, what you've been thinking about, only you can plant these things in your mind. So your worried about your mum, obvious, you know the judge so you know his wife...I bet you have thought about what you and your wife have been through, and connected the punishment thing to his perfect life..to now judge you? Minds are weird! Chill, be glad you have life, be glad your alive! Death, no going back!
Most of the time when anyone asks my advice I tell them: When in trouble, when in doubt, Run in circles, scream and shout! If that doesn't work keep trying to figure it out, Just laugh at the punch lines and the truth will come out! You've done the first part, now figure out the punch lines. Imagine your dream as a joke, say where you seduce his wife instead and send him the video. Does that seem any better to you? If so, ask yourself why. In some sense, you can think of your unconscious mind as merely begging the question because it is like a small child who has no real clue what anything really means and is just as confused as you are.
Thanks for the replies. I've felt a little bit better today. I'm thinking more rational today and am coming to terms that it was just a nightmare and I would never do something like that for real. I just wish I could cleanse my mind of the images from that nightmare.
When you were having your dream, you weren't in control of your mind. There's no need to feel guilt about it.
Suicide is a such a permanent solution to a temporary problem. No, you aren't evil for having a dream. We have no control, hence no responsibility, for those. Are you at all religious? If so, prayer might help. Have you considered a support group. If there isn't one nearby, you might start one. If you don't like shrinks and psychotropic drugs, maybe just a licensed counselor would do for some talk therapy. Meditation and mindfulnss therapy are approaches you might look into. You seem to be the main one who's judging you.I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!" What would happen if, when these thoughts come on, you just say to yourself."Stop; Matt can handle the situation". Or you might try Al Franken's Saturday Night Live Stuart Smalley affirmations:"I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!" Anyhow, I don't know what I'm talking about. These are just suggestions that came to mind in trying to help you, Hope things work out for you.
To add, I wouldn't say the unconscious aspect of ourselves is just as confused as we are. On the contrary, our unconscious just wants to delve into the desires we all possess, good or bad; overindulgence is the unconscious way. However, we are also subjected to the unwavering traits of the latter end of the scale, the overwhelming moralistic attributes. Our reality as we know is the balance of both the reasoning and the desires. His dreams are the results of his unconscious overtaking his moral reasoning to which can be intimidating if we pursue the distortion.
Dreams are often described as the Visions of Positive feeling, with Nightmares giving the Negative view and vibe of Fear There are many interpretations of their meaning/s with every individual having a different belief The subconscious mind is complex Prescriptive and non-prescriptive medication does have it's side-effects and consequences. Sometimes the simplicity of meditation, yoga and spirituality can be much maligned and criticised - but is known to be effective
Im so sorry that you have to deal with this sending the universes good vibes your way. Stay strong and never give up on life, as it is a gift.
Im so sorry that you have to deal with this sending the universes good vibes your way. Stay strong and never give up on life, as it is a gift.
