Picking up girls sucks...

So, throughout college I dove really deep into pick up stuff, read a bunch of books about the psychology behind picking up women and for like a year did the routines in books like the game and whatnot. I was a little late coming out of my shell, always very timid and had problems with anxiety up until 19 years of age. Reading those books helped me get out there and actually unveil that aspect of life. I credit alcohol and these studies for getting a few girlfriends and most hook ups. Not that I was only successful because of it, by any means. Luckily, I started woking out at 18 and was always very confident with my body and believed I had something to offer, but I just didn´t have that sly hitting on girls trait from the getgo.

Fastfoward to 22 yo, which was last year, I have been going steadly to clubs and parties to pick up girls on a weekly basis. When I was living in manhattan, we r talking about sometimes going out 3 nights a week--add to that alcohol, weed, etc. Recently, though, I have started to realize that it just isn´t paying off. Just yesterday, I went to a a dance place (I absolutely suck at dancing can´t make a step to save my life) asked 3 girls to dance and after like 5 seconds they cut it off, tried talking to like 2 girls and it didn´t go anywhere. At the end of the night, it was 5 am and I was left drunk and $75 bucks short to drive home. I can´t recount the number of times that has happened, pregamming, drinking a lot, going up to girls only to hold these idiotic conversations and show what a failure im at dancing.

I did score some one or two girls doing this kind of stuff, but it is like once in a blue moon. I have been reaching the conclusion that it just isn´t worth it. I always believed in the message that it is a numbers game and trust me even though i would consider myself an introvert, I always try. Talking to 5 girls at a venue in a night is normal. Im going for girls that I believe are on the same looks league as me...but it just doesnt feel natural. I have had girlfriends that i met in classrooms and through friends by first becoming friends with them then getting more sexual and I´m starting to think that is the way to go. I feel like giving up this going to club and random events thing for good, it has proved to be just too much aggravation for too little reward. For one thing, if I stop going out like this im gonna save a lot of money and won´t have to intoxicate myself in order to push myself into doing somethign that is totally not my thing like dancing. In the past 2 years i think I only hooked up with a girl once in a club, and I didnt even get her name.

I´ve been told by friends that a girlfriend or a hook up comes to you way easier when you are not chasing it but just living your life and taking good care after yourself, doing the things you enjoy. I have also noticed this a couple of times and it just frees up you from always having to worry about"it´s friday i gotta go out and meet some bitches..."At the same time, I move a lot from place to place. Just recently I moved to a different state and it is hard not having a social circle where you get new people introduced to you occasionally.

I was wondering what your guys mentality was about this and what realizations you have come to regarding this matter. Sorry about the long post, peace and love!

 

Let's imagine that clubs and pick up joints do not exist.

Now, where would you go to meet women?

Some places that might come to mind are church socials and the like, museum study groups, bird-watching societies, poetry readings, painting classes, pottery classes, volunteer groups such as those helpful persons who staff public park information stations, etc. And, there are online personal ads, zillions of sites these days.

Alcohol and drugs probably don't get much use at meetings and events held by any of these kind of groups or at the first meeting you might get from answering a personal ad. That's only going to help you. If you don't think so, well, good luck. But the more altered you are when you're out there hoping to meet someone who you would want to be with more than 30 minutes the less likely it is going to happen.

 

Rollo, i was thinking along those lines also. Just this month I was going on this church group trip hoping to meet some people. This is like my third time in a new state in one year and it takes a while to get a good group of friends going. Never had a problem with adction, but I wanted to go sober again in 2012 (was stone cold sober until 20) just because alcohol is such a poison and the more I think about it the more I realize how damaging it is to you socially and physically. You become that athlete that needs steroids to perform--if you dont drink you cant have fun. Maybe avoidng clubs and bars and going about your life will be the only way to stop drinking because I have gone to clubs sober and I cant stand it, totally not my sort of environment.

 

If it's not your environment - then don't go! Nobody is forcing you! Plus I think you can meet much more interesting people not at a club. A lot of people of there are just looking to get wasted and hook up, which (at least to me) is definitely not an interesting or attractive trait.

 

I think you`re on the right track. Believe it or not, I feel sure hookers would save you money compared to picking up at nightlife. I`ve done both so I speak from experience.

Now, I would add a word of caution against dating sites. It didn`t work for me, at least. I felt exactly like I did at bars. Women are put on pedestals, pay less or not at all, there are fewer of them, all kinds of scams, cockteasing, etc. etc. And, the profiles that did seem legit were of chicks looking for Prince Charming.

I do think that meeting women through friends and interests in common is the way to go. But, like you said, it seems to take time. And, moreover, there are no guarantees.

Speaking for myself, I`m interested in sports. And, I rarely meet women in those circles. I also cannot bring myself to join groups solely for the purpose of meeting women. I`d have to be actually interested in the activity.

Some chicks at work invite me to go to dressy social functions and whatnot. But, I don`t really go to those much. I figure, anything that involves dressing up and "socializing" and drinking and nightlife is playing women at their own game. So, no.

And, like you said. It`s just bad for your health. I`d rather have a full night of sleep and exercise nowadays.

 

You're trying too hard. Trust me...I'm a seasoned veteran. Oh...And quit drinkin' so much when you're trying to fuck girls. Hell, I've walked into bars and fucked women right in the bar (on 4 occasions as I recollect) and never knew their name....and I wasn't even "looking"....see where I'm going here? <grin>

 

picking up random people is just that--random, and so is the outcome. also, no book on this planet will teach you how to get girls. you find your own ways, things that work for you. stuff that works for other guys won't necessarily work for you and vice versa. going by the book will only get you stuck in artificial behavior. life doesn't work by the book. you gotta go in assess the situations and act according to that. not according to what some book tells you you gotta do.

 

picking up girls does suck

 

to pick up girls just grab em by the wrist. they like that take charge feel from it. :2thumbsup:

 

lick them once on the whole side of their face.

 

Best advice I've ever seen/heard. All hail the ladies man!:afro:

 

The whole strategy thing, the game or what have you, is not going to pay off.

I wonder though, when you say you are trying to "pick up" girls do you mean you are just looking for a hook-up?

If so, go with Cherea's advice and "pick up" prostitutes. You won't have to convince them you have a personality and you won't have to run your over-worked game on them.

And BTW you *Can* dance just freeking relax

 

if you cant dance just go hand heavy.

 

I feel your pain man.. I wish you much luck!

 

So no offense, but the whole idea that there are guys out there that study the psychology of picking up women is kind of creepy...

like that bad reality show that used to come on VH1, The Pick Up Artist. For those lucky ones that missed it, but it featured this seasoned pick up artist named Mystery who probably wrote the book on the psychology of picking up women. And he was creepy. as. fuck.

Maybe you aren't hooking up in bars because girls can tell how hard you're trying.

 

It sucks if you have principles like me I even feel kinda guilty when I'm about to play the cliché tricks... which I usually don't since I feel like they'd see right through me anyway

 

I think this would be more appropriately titled, "not picking up chicks suck."

Personally I have had better luck meeting women when I don't have the sole purpose of meeting women. When you converse with a woman with that one goal, they see that right away. You will have better luck conversing with the sole purpose of........wait for it.......conversation. That way you both can figure out your compatibility without sounding like Bevis and Butthead...."Hey baby, wanna see my unit?"

Even if you don't hit it off, you can make friends with her, and guess what......she most likely has girlfriends who you might be compatible with. Laying it on too think with "pickup techniques" can come off unnatural and in most cases burn bridges before they are even built.

 

^ these

man, relax ... you sound like you're trying too hard ... if you dont like going to clubs at first place ... dont go there to pick up chicks...

meeting girls through friends is a great idea, in my opinion - you'll certainly have more things in common with a friend of a friend than with a random stranger you found in a nightclub

but i say the downside of the above is that its not everyday you find a girl you would give a go through a friend (or maybe its just my friends ... ), so its slow ... unless you directly ask one of your friends if they dont have any

now, i guess you should also do some stuff... you know, like it was said before, pottery, painting classes, a choir D), reading club, one of those like clubs with pools and places you can play sports , even go jogging or walk the dog and you'll run across women

maybe with time you'll even start enjoying it...
stay cool :afro:

 

That show was fucking awesome/hilarious

At school tonight I think im gonna throw some IOI's at a girl and maybe even peacock

 

lmao...right on, be sure to run your gambit.

Wtf was that guy even talking about half the time lol?