>Philosophy of Life > >1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences-he thought he >was God and I didn't. > >2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. > >3. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me! > >4. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. > >5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. > >6. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. > >7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. > >8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. > >9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. > >10. I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing. > >11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. > >12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning >medicine. > >13. God must love stupid people; He made so many. > >14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. > >15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. > >16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? > >17. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it! > >18. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. > >19. Procrastinate Now! > >20. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? > >21. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. > >22. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance > >23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! > >24. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. > >25. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead. > >26. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand >times the memory. > >27. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for >a pig. > >28. The trouble with life is there's no background music. > >29. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson. > >30. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on. ~namaste~
