People calling me gay

You don't want to be seen as soft
you want to be "tough"
yet a genuine tough guy wouldn't give a shit if someone called him gay, it wouldn't matter. Hell, he'd probably laugh it off as that guy being upset that he wouldn't fuck him

Only you can change your circumstances Chris. You are in control of your life, no matter how much you don't want to be.

None of us have magic buttons to change who we are. We struggle on a daily basis, and most of us manage to do it with a grin on our faces at least some of the time. Manage to deal with life while respecting others and not taking ALL of our problems out on them. You lash out at people over the internet, I dread to think of what you would be like with someone in real life.

Women won't date you because of the rage you harbor. It's scary, and we do not want to be your target. Rage like that is suggestive of a potentially abusive relationship, and no woman wants to go through that.

Get yourself some help, seriously see your counsellor/psychologist on a regular basis (I mean very regular, not every couple weeks, but a couple times a week), think about every action you take and every thought you have, how those would impact those around you and if any rational woman woudl want to be with someone who did/thought what you did that day.

 

I agree Chris, you seem like a lost cause, you don't want to change, you have insane anger issues, and your filled with hate, in my opinion you deserve every bit of what you get...........maybe when you start being honest with yourself you might have a chance. LOVING YOU BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~Rob

 

And that is why the whole concept of school sucks. That is why its hard to do your best and show your true potential when theirs kids all around you that are distractions either physically or emotionally.

 

Oh stop it with the pity rant. Come on now this kid is obviously a little sensitive and theres nothing wrong with that. Its society that puts these boundaries and obstacles in your way and its your job to keep your head up and get past them in order to succeed in life.

 

difference between being sensitive and lashing out at all those around you
'sides, he claims to not want to be seen as soft/sensitive, yet isn't acting all that genuinely tough
(wasn't intended as a pity rant, more of a 'we all deal with similar shit too bub')

 

The vast majority of people actually benefit from social interraction at that age, it tends to make them tolerable people who are capable of taking a few knocks without flying off the handle. Bullying and such at a young age helps to prepare you for bullying when you're an adult; it's better that people learn to deal with it when they're young and don't get so damaged by it, rather than try and convince them that their best is good enough and that the most important thing is to be themselves, and then dump them into the real world at 18. You can't decry the whole system just because a few people like this guy manage to get to this age without learning to at least put up with the world around them.

 

Man, what times we do live in. Therapy this, therapy that lol, the answer to everything is therapy nowadays - i am amazed at just how many people have advised you to see a counseller for this problem of yours - how about helping yourself with this one? Counselling and therapy have their place in this day and age, and provide much needed help for a lot of people, but this one's a no-brainer. Somebody posted a remark that the adult world is a continuation of the school playground, and this is absolutely correct - you still get your social clicks, your bullies, your pretty people and your nerds and geeks, so learn to deal with it cause it ain't gonna end anytime soon.

The first thing that you have to understand is that there is nothing that different about gay guys and gals, they are still just people trying to get thru this landmine called life, just like you and me, and anyhow, being gay is really pretty much socially accepted in most parts these days. My ma has been in the airline trade all my life, and i've worked in restaurants and bars all my adult life, so i've been around gay people for as long as i remember, and i'm very comfortable with most gay people i've met, even though i'm hetro myself. You made a remark that sorta made me feel that you're maybe intolerant to gay people, i may have mis-interpreted. If this is the case, remember that charity starts at home,and you don't have the right to expect others to be sensitive to your feelings if you're not prepared to do the same yourself - "treat others as you would be treated yourself".

That being said, the response to the gay remarks from those around you is simply to laugh - not in a nasty way or a "ha-ha, very funny, dickhead" way, but as if these comments genuinely amuse you. The only reason these people will continue to harass you is if they think they're pushing your buttons, which they obviously are, but for god's sake don't let them know that - if they can see the remarks don't bother you, and that they're providing you with entertainment instead of upsetting you, they'll tire of it and move on to an easier target. You'll also find that most light weight bullies will actually respect you for being able to take a ribbing and laugh it off. Laughter at derisive comments also shows self-esteem and self-confidence, which are two qualities that women normally respond to quite positively (tell me i'm wrong, girls , so you might find that you start getting noticed for the right reasons. You most certainly will not fix this situation by ignoring it, please do not take heed of this advice, bullies or smart arses might get a little bored and find a fresh target, but you will always be the back up bitch when they've got nobody else to hassle, unless you defuse it all now.

Another method that may help, once you're comfortable just laughing these comments off, is a little light verbal jousting. A comment such as "i've heard you like the boys, Chris" can be deflected with a laugh and something such as "nah, you heard wrong, but if you're you're looking for a little action i've gotta couple gay buddies who think you're cute"
How about an answer to "what's up, gayboy?" - laugh, put on a lisp and say "sweetie, i'm into girls, and even if i did like boys i wouldn't do you on your best day".
These sort of comebacks show that you're not affected by the gay comments, and also that you're comfotable with your sexuality, and comfortable with yourself (even if this isn't true - they don't need to know that, the world is one big illusion lol)
It may also pay to remember, if you think that this course of action is worth a try, that most bully types are a bit slow, and comments like the ones i've just given you may confuse them - the caveman reaction to confusion is violence, so be careful who you throw these comebacks at - if you're unsure as to whether a sassy comeback will end up with you fixing your broken nose or not, when they make the gay taunts lust smile and keep walking.

So, to revise - 1. Bullies get bored quickly when their taunts aren't finding the mark.
2. Women respond to self confidence (but cockiness may be a negative, and it's a fine line) - stay calm, self assured and smile a lot, remember that people always wonder what you're up to when you smile a lot.

Chris, i'm not saying this advice is 100% guarenteed to succeed, it all depends on how you work it, but having the same name as me i just know you've got some coolness buried in there somewhere lol - if you feel more comfortable taking some of the other advice given to you so far, then by all means do so. This has worked for me thru my life, everybody comes across situations similar to this during their life - it may not work for you, each of us is different, each situation is a little different, but if it does help then i'm happy to have done so.

Good luck, Chris, and if all else fails you can always sing the happy song lol

Christos104

 

.

 

If you think it'll help go see a counsellor, but you'll need to articulate yourself better to them than you do us if it's going to be any help to you. A lot of people find just talking to someone neutral and getting feedback that they can't just brush off or ignore (in other words, talking to someone who isn't on the internet) helps them find what causes a lot of their problems. A positive attitude and all that might help you fit in better at college, but it's a lot of long-term effort and won't really make you feel any better. You're better off trying to find out why you're this angry the whole time and doing something about that than just trying to pretend you're not.

 

thats part of a reason a counsellor is there, a good counsellor will help a person articulate and open up, talk about things that are difficult. the first few visits may not be easy, but as you build up a relationship trust should develope
S

 

Yeah, but it's got to be at least slightly a two-way process. Some guy at uni was saying that he got sent to a counsellor and just responded to everything with really stupid stuff like "fish fish fish" or whatever, and the counsellor let him go early because she couldn't be bothered trying to help him (not his exact words). I wanted to slap him really hard because I could've actually done with some counselling when I was a kid.

 

.

 

it can't always be a two way process to start of with, the counsellor is the trained professional, and s/he should be able to work with everything that has been 'thrown' at us in this thread, more than work with.
as far as the guy at uni is concerned then the counsellor probably would have responded by saying something like when you are ready to work come back.
theres a big difference between someone who isn't giving 'two way' because they find it hard to communicate, and someone who can't be bothered, again a trained professional should be able to tell the difference.
by virure of seeing a counsellor most people will find it difficult to talk and share at first, thats when listening and communication skills on the counsellors part comes into play.
S

 

That was kind of what I meant, to be honest. Counselling only works if the person is actually willing to talk, even if they don't feel able.

 

Rome was not built in a day.

 

.

 

if you don't gain friends in one place go to another place and try again. You get many chances to start off with a clean slate.

I was wicked shy in middle school. high school gave me a chance to expand. college gave me yet another chance to start off anew. but many friends transfered for various reasons and I was in a rut by my fourth semester. so I transfered and started off with another clean slate.

every new area of life gives you another chance to make a first impression.

don't let your past dictate the present and future. show the positive side of yourself to people who don't know you

jesus, I have posted a few replies here that have fallen on deaf ears. plus HZ has been largely ignored. maybe I should stop trying.

 

.

 

Chris you seriously need to calm down. No wonder why people tease you because you react like an angry Donald Duck type character, and they must have a blast watching you boil over and spit sparks everywhere. Your just seething with contempt, and that is not good for your mind or your body!

You are just going to have ignore them, and train your body not to react so angrily. Or learn to make a joke out of it? Also if you think people are calling you gay behind your back it could be all in your head. I have had some issues when I was younger that I would be listening to a conversation faraway and think they were talking about me.....Its all an insecurity and your brain is playing tricks on you.

I would even recommend seeing a therapist or a psychologist.

Do you know why people are calling you gay? Are you wearing girls clothes or is your hair long and nails and skin perfectly cared for?

Im just curious.

 

chris, i've just read your thread that you posted on june 01 complaining about your dad annoying you - i can't believe all these people (myself included) have wasted time trying to help you - i read thru that thread about your civility to your folks, and the comments you made about the way to treat people in your life, and you act like a complete tosser - i don't know why people at college are calling you gay, if they knew you like we do they'd be calling you a dickhead - good luck getting friends or a girlfriend, no wonder nobody associates with you, you're a loser.

Peace out
Christos