Discussion in 'Relationships' started by chris_1661, Jun 6, 2006.
The first year of college is rough on everyone. It will get better. Don't think of being called gay as a cut down. Because it truely isn't. Embrace yourself.
i know a lot of people that i work with that think im gay and i have never corrected them by saying listen here man i have a gf. it just doesn't bother me. people are rude and ignorant. it happens. i just take it as a complement and move on. i doubt it will continue. things will get better.. they always do.
I hate to say it, but it probably will keep happening, because people are assholes. It most likely has nothing to do with you. People always need to make someone feel bad, to single someone out. Why? Because they feel bad about themselves and need to put someone else down to feel better about themselves. If you just ignore it, eventually it might go away. And if it doesn't, take solace in the fact that at least you're not some arrogant asshole who can't deal with your own problems. Just tune it out. If you say anything back it will probably make it worse, but you never know. I had this same shit happen to me all the time in high school (because I had short hair all the popular guys would follow me around, asking if I was a dyke, and just throwing all kinds of insults at me) and nothing ever worked except for ignoring it.
It's so sad that some people never grow up and learn to accept people for who they are. The world is like the grade school playground, there will always be bullies.
As for finding a girl, it will happen when it happens. Start talking to more girls at school. Get set up through friends. I know it's hard, but it'll work out one day for you.
Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
I'm 23 and people in school still think and talk behind my back about me being a lesbian. I've never been with a girl in my life. There's nothing wrong with being gay. I ignore it. The more you let it bother you, the more people are going to think or say that you are gay.
Maybe you shouldn't get so defensive about it? And who cares if you're gay or not. It's none of anyone's business anyway.
My advice? Ignore it and get on with your life...
Seeking a couselor to help you deal with this is a good idea.
I have gone thru this my entire life and can relate to much of what you are going thru.
We all have a female and male side to us-the problem in America and is that Men are not supposed to be sensitive or be tuned into their feminine side. If we do we are looked at as gay men. Yet in most other countries Men can hug each other-dance and even greet each other with a kiss and it's not thought of as Gay.
The problem with many relationships in our land is that Men are not in tune with their sensitive side. I find it amazing that after going thru the same crap for 55 years-Now there are workshops that are teaching Men all of this.
Just be WHO you are Bro and if anyone can not accept you whatever way you are then they have no place in your life anyway.
Who needs them?
If a Woman is not into you for who you are then why would you even bother considering being with them?
So hang in there-be you and you will see someone (maybe many) will love you JUST the way you are.
As far as others saying this or that yeah it sucks but if your not why care?
You don't have to go around trying to prove this or that-it's exhausting and tell them all to go Fuck off.
Just know here in THIS COMMUNITY you re accepted no matter who you are-it's why we are all here.
Peace The Wiz
PS Yes I have a girl friend-many and trust me they LOL all know I'm not gay.
Chris, think about this: Now, people chuckle behind your back and call you gay. But 3 or 4 years from now, they will all have graduated, and it will be your turn to call people gay (or not). It will get better, even if slowly, but surely.
Either way, here is something else to think about: They are playing on your insecurity. You need to feed off of their contemp and turn it into something positive. Guys call me gay sometimes, I just grin and say, "Damn straight, and hey, what's it take to buy a stud like you a drink?" and laugh. Sometimes, you just have to not take what people say seriously, or turn it into a joke. No matter how seriously they say it or mean it, if you just take their energy and turn it into a joke, all that it will ever be is just that: a joke.
But if you take it seriously, they'll play you. Of course, you can't just SAY it's not true and smile and walk away, you have to BELIEVE it. If you don't believe it yourself, they will sense your insecurity and continue to play you. The road to not being made fun of comes purely from confidence (and hey, I know this firsthand, I was the laughing stock of my high school -- the anti-social computer geek pacifist that never fought back! What a target I was! It sucked ass, but I can laugh about it now because nowadays I have the confidence to deal with it).
Confidence is a skill, no matter what everyone else tells you. You probably know that you can't just "be" confident. There are certain things you must change about your behaviour in order to be more confident. One of the most important things about this is eye contact. This is, in my opinion, the single most important skill to master. Don't practice it on yourself. Practice it on others. Take notice when you are NOT looking at someone in the eye.. Other parts of confidence includes tone (rounding down sentences so they don't sound weak or question-like), emphasis (pronouncing key words harder, and leaving a short pause after those words), and I'm sure if you googled it you could find more.
Anyhow, happy trails to you, and good luck! =)
Damn, HZ, that was some STELLER advice
And just as a follow up -- when you are reading my words, how do they sound? When you read one of my sentences, and you see bolded words for emphasis, when you see italics or even just these -- these double dashes that I use -- or even simple commas, which add flow, which add pauses. I write the way that I speak, and I speak the way that I write. Both my speaking and writing is the way that my inner dialogue structures my thoughts and sentences. And your inner dialogue does this too. Confident language comes -- in part -- via mastery of speaking the way you think, of putting together words with your voice the same way you do with your brain. Or at least, for me it does -- this is probably also true for most people. I speak my commas, my dashes, my bolds and italics. It's just that, in writing, they are characters -- in speaking, they are modifiers. Even a simple comma, when "pronounced" correctly, puts emphasis on the word before it, simply because it is a pause after the word. Periods do this too -- and colons, semicolons, and -- dare I say it -- dashes.
... I get the feeling that I'm just rambling now, but I'm trying. I enjoy explaining this because it is something that has troubled me for a long time.
People think i am gay all the time. I take it as a compliment... some of the coolest people i know are gay. A lot of the great contributers to the world have been gay. If thats the worst thing that people ever call you, well.. you will have had a pretty easy life, mon ami.
but then again, i don't have a problem with gay people or their sexual activities...
Is it really worth continuing college if all you'll be left with at graduation is debt and bad memories? college isn't for everyone...you shouldn't being paying all this money just to be miserable. get out into the world and find your own niche.
Not only that, but don't always look and act so angry.
People don't want to be around a pissed off individual. Even if you are keeping to yourself, people have an uncanny ability to sense anger and feel negative vibes...at least I do..
and I avoid angry looking people like the plague. work on being happy. confidence is nothing on its own, you need to be in good spirits too. an angry confident person is even worse than an angry person sometimes, thats when assholes blossom.
converse with people about music, books, current events, movies..its not to hard at all, I do it. Also, its practice when you go out into the real world and need to get a job.
Also, I think its BS that people say freshman year of college is hard. It is not. you pay all that money, so enjoy it and make sure you have a good time. get your moneys worth.
Chris, you're English right, so the college you attend is a 6th form college, much different to uni. My daughter found some of her 6th form peers to be absolute idiots and would always find someone to pick on. Her best friend was gay, and his life was, at times, made pretty difficult, as was hers.
She emailed me this morning and said a bunch of young kids had been shouting lesbian at her in the street, so she just said to them 'so what'. She isn't a lesbian, but what worries her is, that it is considered an insult to call someone gay or lesbian.
Try not to be angry, because if they see it bothers you they'll take the piss even more, if they can't bait you there's no fun. Good luck!
Separate names with a comma.