People always think I'm straight- help me!!

Hi, I'm a student, and a lipstick lesbian. People NEVER think I'm gay. Even going into gay bars and the LGBTQ soc, I can just feel them seeing me as an intruder. I've even been asked if I'm just following about one of my friends I often go out with.

I'm not super-girly and I don't put a lot of effort into the way I look, but I have long hair and wear dresses, both of which I like. I don't want to butch-ify myself just to feel accepted.

I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but it would be nice not to be judged as a straight girl all the time. Any hints to 'lesbian me up'? Just minor things. I thought about cutting my hair, and though I'd actually like having short hair, I don't think it would suit my facial shape, so I won't.

Any suggestions?

 

Um I'm going to be blunt but who cares? No one can tell I'm a lesbian either. People don't believe me even after I tell them. Why does there need to be a "lesbian look" to let people know who you are. I think the only way for anyone to really let the world know they are a lesbian is to be walking down the street hand in hand. But really why does it matter? You are who you are whether people realize it or not. If it's the fact that girls your interested in don't realize it, then step up your body language and hit on them.

 

I wouldn't even worry about it. You know who you are, and that's all that matters. Trust me. One woman (she"s straight) that I've been interested in for a few months now, even sent flowers to her.. Insists that I'm straight. Even when I tell her how I feel about her.

 

At one level, I want so much to agree with Slammacow.

But at another, I know exactly where you're coming from. Acceptance into a social group is important, right? And your sexuality is an important part of you, and needs to be accepted along with you.

At "ordinary" social events, one of two things happens. Either guys try to hit on you even though you don't want it, which is awkward; or you tell them that you're gay and simply not interested, and you find yourself not being accepted by the "in" crowd.

So you go to the LBGTQ scene, where you expect to be accepted for who and what you are ... and find that you aren't accepted there, either.

Being the perpetual outsider ain't easy and ain't fun. I had the same experience in my student days ... although on other grounds. In my days at Cambridge there was a HUGE and bitter divide between the ex-public school set and the ex-state school set (although it seemed to me that it was entirely fuelled by this massive chip on the shoulder carried by the majority of the ex-state school set). Now my problem was that the ex-state school set all just blithely assumed that I was ex-public school and treated me with contempt accordingly, whilst the ex-public school set could always tell that I wasn't.

So I found myself, liek you, unable to fit in comfortably in either social scene

And if you're hoping that I'm now going to share my solution ot he problem with you, well, you're gonna be disappointed. Because I would if I could ... but I never did find a solution.

The most important thing, though, is to be yourself. Because if you try to change to fit in with the expectations of others, you'll be living a lie, and that just never works.

I feel for you, really I do.

*Big Hug*

Becky

 

Oh thank God there's someone like me out there. I thought I was the only one.

I actually am "super girly," which does not make the problem any easier. I am a typical girl, and damn I love pink! And I don't have a gaydar either xD I wouldn't say a gay person even if he/she hits me with a rainbow in a face. I was probably the only person on Earth who was shocked after Ricky Martin came out haha

There's nothing wrong about being girly though. I actually prefer lipstick lesbians -_- I mean if you have a gaydar you should be fine deciding who to hit on, so what's the problem? Fitting in can be hard anywhere and for anyone, you don't necessary have to be around LGBTQ people, just be around those who truly appreciates you, and it's okay if they are straight xDDD