Partner pulls away- need some advise

My partner and I have gone from a very healthy sexual relationship to a very platonic relationship and I don't know what to do about it. Our sex life had wained a bit over the years but it wasn't completely dead until about 2 years ago. Her son was diagnosted with cancer and passed away in Jan. of 2011. We were both devastated and have gone through the normal greiving. She has lost alot of weight and said that she feels guilty having "fun" because he is dead. She told me about 8 months ago that she wasn't interested in sex with me anymore and if I wanted her to sleep in a differnet room, she would. I have asked her to talk to her doctor and she claims she has and the doctor says that she needs time to grieve and this is part of it.
I could use some advise as I have tried everything I know. I don't ahve any idea where to turn now.

 

Give her whatever space she asks for.

Try dating her again like taking her out and romantic stuff like that.

 

Everyone has needs and all, but maybe part of her problem is that when she has some really bad shit that changes her whole life, all her partner is interested in is sex....

Concentrate on keeping her healthy, mentally and physically. Sex will not happen without those.

 

Yeah this is the emotional support side of a loving relationship that needs to happen here.

Give her space, take her out routinely say tell her every saturday or something. Be with her spend time with her and forget the sex at this point.


How old was her son who passed away?

 

I would have to agree with all as said. At least you know the reason why. My wife stopped wanting it and never gave me a reason, then of course, as the years passed it became something wrong with me. Give her space, tell her that you love her, take her out now and again.

 

I think you did not show her that you cared so much about her son 's lose or you did not do so much to her expectation before his lose and now you ask for having fun, let her take the time she need while you be there for her suport thats all she needs from you than sex, if she agrees to go out then so be it.

 

Sounds like First World problems to me. Why would you base a relationship around sexual exclusivity with someone who isn`t even interested in having sex with you? lol.

I have to admit, I`m a little too harsh on monogamists sometimes. I don`t think I`m better than them. It`s just that I resent how easily partners come to them. It seems like they are just playing along to get along, but through a huge effort on my part, I came to the conclusion that monogamy is valid for most people. I`m the one who`s different.

In fact, monogamy was valid to me for until I had an average amount of partners. After that, everything changes. Sex and relationships are put in a much broader perspective, and possessiveness loosens.


To this day, I like to be monogamous within the first few months of a new relationship. But in your situation, it just boggles the mind...

 

I disagree with your personal assertion about yourself. But that's another topic.

 

Lots and lots and lots of patience. Love and trust. Maybe she won't mind if you get some elsewhere?

 

Thanks all for the advise. Her son was 29. He left behind a 3 year old daughter.

 

The key to all relationship problems: communication. Talk to her about how she's feeling, and about how you're feeling. Ask her what you can do to help. Help without asking. Take her out, do things for her. Just be there.