Partner Doesn't Want Sex

My partner and I have been together for 3 years. When we first got together sex was amazing and we had sex all the time. Now our sex life has dwindled down to almost nothing. He is 21 and I am 31. My sex drive is off the charts. His is non-existant. I always want to have sex. He always claims he is tired or that it was my fault because I didn't make a move on him, blah blah blah.

What is worse is that he constantly starts things and then he doesn't finish. For example, we will go out somewhere and on the drive home he will rub my leg and crotch and make all these comments about "mmm hmmm, when we get home....." Then we get home and he will go right to sleep and leave me there all excited. If I masturbate, he flips out like I am cheating on him. I am at my wits end here. I have been seriously thinking about cheating on him and I don't know what to do.

I have tried talking to him about it, I have argued with him about it, I have calmly suggested that things need to change and they haven't. This has been going on for almost a year now and I can't take it anymore. I love him and I don't want sex to come between us but enough is enough. Anyone out there have this problem??

 

hmm something seems suspicious, sure he isn't cheating on you, or seeing someone else? or maybe he likes to just be a tease?

He probabaly figures he's got you wrapped around his finger because he's the young gun.

Anyway I would make sure he isn't screwing around with someone else. Why would he get you all horned up for nothing?

Something doesn't seen right. I don't think he's that into you anymore, or else he would be having sex with you.

You should just break up with him I think. lol

 

Break up with him he is probably cheating on you or he is castrated (that would explain his sex drive).

 

K. It seems that nothing helps here. He just does not want it any more.

A/ He might be 'seeing' someone else as in cheating but does not feel like ending up your set up for whatever his reason might be.

B/ He might be having a hormonal problem and there might be some sort of pathology behind all of this. A visit to the Doc is in order.

C/ Some people have not been wired to last long in monogamous, committed relationships. They love their partners, would do anything for him but having sex always with the same person is something that turns them off completely. Their drive is multi-targeted...

D/ 'The play' might have gone completely stale for him. Couples do tend to thrive on doing pretty much the same thing when it comes to those errr, 'horizontal bumps'. He wants a change of some kind but might not be ready to spell it out yet.

E/ There is always a residual risk that he might have his reasons. We know the story from your prospective. He might have a slightly different take on the things.

F/ Some guys go through long periods of being completely or close-to completely asexual. There might be a depression of kind in the background or a host of other problems and though the notion of 'rompin in the hay' might still be appealing to them, they simply do not have any drive to go through with it.

G/ The problem might be somewhere else.

Bottomline: Re-think your position here. Give your partner a chance to come out and tell you/establish what has been bothering him. Whatever you choose to do afterwards will be a decision you'll have to live with for a long time to come. But you'll need to stick with your guns, no matter what.

KD

 

Markus,

I agree with Kewl dewd, but excuse me for starting this with a joke, I can't help myself.

Question: What do two lesbians do after the first date?
Answer: They buy a house together and adopt a dog.

Question: What do two gay men do after the first date?
Answer: They stop having sex.

Your predicament is why we have marriage counselors but sadly because you're not crazy, or married, many couples don't try counseling. It can save your relationship. I have seen where something physical, something easy to fix, stands in the way of a relationship, like aging teeth, (the person did need dentures), or weight. No amount of prodding by the partner (you) was going to bring out this information, and often serves to bury it even further. That's how a counselor will help. Even if you go alone a counselor will help you.

While you'll find support here, your relationship sounds like it is on it's last legs, and if your parter won't go, you would be well served to spend the money to have a couple of sessions with a gay friendly counselor. Check with United Way in your area.

Allow me to respond to some of your concerns, please excuse if some of my responses are cheeky. I wish to lighten the subject not make light of it. If we can't laugh during sex, well to me, then sex is useless.

He always claims he is tired or that it was my fault because I didn't make a move on him, blah blah blah.

Our sex drives do change as we grow older. However, it seems that your lover has lost interest in having sex with you and is unable to explain why. Like I said a counselor may be able to draw the information out of him, or help you to define the problem. Gawd, I will never understand why people who are faced with the end of an important relationship will come here for a cheep, quick fix but never go for a professional opinion on the most important relationship of their life. It's like giving the man with a cardboard "work for food" sign 10 bucks to perform an operation on your kidneys.

For example, we will go out somewhere and on the drive home he will rub my leg and crotch and make all these comments about "mmm hmmm, when we get home....." That's when I would pull the car over to the side of the road and do him, and do him good too!

I love him and I don't want sex to come between us but enough is enough. Anyone out there have this problem??

You're not alone, by far, hence the joke. If you must have sex on the side, have the decency to tell your lover. I'm not talking a threat or ultimatum, that's sick. Just tell him the facts, if he is through with having sex with you, as you describe, he will be relieved that you are ready to move on.

I'm listening to "Keep Your Hands To Yourself" by The Georgia Satellites, and "Sad, Sad Song" by M. Ward. "The hardest thing in the world is to find somebody who believes in you." See, I'm not paying full attention to you either.

 

Thing is, if a trip to the doctor turns out that his T levels have dropped to zero, good luck trying to find someone who'll fix that.

 

^ you know, you say you have plenty of gay friends, but my friends never describe me that way.

 

Are you referring to my post?

I'm talking about finding a medical personnel who will rectify low testosterone.

 

what ever.

 

Mych: dude, 21 is typically way too young for andropause.

I'm trying to discuss medical stuff here. I happen to have below-normal testosterone levels. If I don't lift weights I can barely drag myself out of bed.

If you wanna take my interest in helping my fellow man and turn it into constantly trying to imply that I'm a closet homosexual, then don't ask in future why straight guys simply walk away from you or assault you.

 

A doc will probably suggest antidepressants and Viagra.

Your friend will probably point out that the Viagra is not needed. "I can eat, I'm just never hungry."

The doctor will then say something like "oh well, if that's the case, there's nothing wrong with you. Take Zoloft." Then there really WILL be "sexual side effects". Then they'll suggest Viagra.

Why a doctor won't treat the goddamn problem in the first place is beyond me.

 

Keep talking to him. It may be physical, and it may not be.

 

I agree with Sage, talk to him. If that doesn't work, I'm available.