Parents with dreads

Has anyone cut on account of their children? (I know sisterags mentioned she had)

I'm being mistreated by people at my son's school and although I don't care about their opinion of me, I certainly don't want my son to suffer because of my hairstyle choice. He's too young to verbalize his thoughts and also likely too young to digest even what discrimination is.

Am I being selfish for keeping my dreads?

I seriously think ppl at teh school (employees) are keeping a close eye on me and my son. I can't explain it, but I'm getting this really weird vibe from ppl. I could write out the specifics, but I don't know if it's worth going into detail.

Maybe I should just brush out some of the top ones so I can cover most of my dreads if I need to.

 

I think you shoud talk to the headteacher. You shouldn't be victimised or be mistreated by you son's school' staff. They are there to teach your son, and not judge you. I think it is highly unprofessional that they are making you feel uncomfortable. It is discrimination, and if it were towards a racial minority or some other common discriminated-against minority then I'm sure all hell would break loose! I say definately take it to the headteacher, threaten to change schools, or threaten to take it higer. That'll scare them ;D

 

I'm probably gonna keep my dreads for a few decades, at least. But since I'm half black I'll probably be descriminated against less by other parents when I have kids. If you're sick of being treated badly and it's a REALLY big problem, moving to a more open-minded area may help.

 

Since my son is only 2 and I don't even plan on a him going to school I don't know about those kind of situations but I notice it seems people I meet don't pay attention to the dreads or at least pretend not too. I guess maybe because of where I live but even at church no one looks at my hair.

I guess I am lucky for now but I think if I did ever be in that situation I would probably talk to the adults one and one and explain things to them and try to understand where they are coming from.

 

yeah i think the best thing would be to approach them in a friendly and open way and let them see that you're a 'normal' responsible parent and a friendly person and that there's no reason for them to look sideways at you or treat your son differently.

how much contact do you have with them day to day? do they know what sort of person you are? how big is the school? which employees do you think are doing it? is it your son's teacher/s, admin staff..?

 

what do you mean by him being dependent on aids and special services? does he have special learning needs or do you mean just because he's young?

do you have a relationship with his teacher? do you have time to maybe volunteer a couple of times in his class? i guess his teacher would be the best person to establish a relationship with- she/he is the one who has the most contact with your son, and if she/he is a good teacher she/he will stand up for your child and make sure he is treated appropriately by the rest of the staff.

if it comes down to it and you are sure that your dreads are the problem- i say, as much as it sucks, brush/cut. you've said it yourself- your kids are the most important thing here.

 

I certainly wouldn't cut on behalf of my kids teachers etc etc. It's life. They have to accept not everyone conforms to the norm.

 

Thanks for all the replies. =)

fickle - my son has special needs. Which of course I think makes the situation even that more different (or at least in my eyes). There is a lot of judgement surrounding children with disabilities and his life is already hard enough with his mom getting in his way. He works full time with an aid at school.

This is the second school we have tried for him so there is no way I would move him regardless of any conversation I had with his teacher or other person at the school. The school meets his needs PERFECTLY. Because of his needs, I have to drive him to the school everyday and have direct contact with his aid at these points. Plus, I sit in with his speech therapist every two weeks, so again, more contact. I should also mention that this school is not in our district so I drive him 15 minutes there and back.... A total travel time of over an hour each day that he's in school... that should show some dedication, right?

I will explain my concerns a little more.

Yesterday my son had a bruise on his wrist. I never thought twice about it. he's a physical little boy so may have hurt it sledding, playing or maybe I grabbed him for something. I truly don't know how he got the bruise. But all I can think now is that they are watching him for signs of abuse.

Also, while walking from the van to the school I didn't put on his mitts because his new coat hangs over his fingers and it's a 20 second walk. One of the aids grabbed his ahnds and started telling him he had cold fingers and "poor little chilly fingers". Come on!!!

Another weird example. One day the teacher stood about 6 inches from me for a few minutes. Almost like she was trying to smell me.

So although nothing is blatant, there are enough of these littlel things to make me feel uncomfortable. I would feel very weird having to bring these items up with someone. Also, I feel that speaking with someone would make the situation even worse. Where we live you are white and mainstream. That is just hte way it is. Very few visible minorities... absolutely no diversity. None. I am an oddity.

dreadlocksftw- we're desperately trying to move somewhere else. OUr house has been on the market for sale for over 6 months now.

Hubby and I have been discussing it and I think I may feel better if I do something. I really don't know if I will feel 100% confident that I'm not causing him extra issues. I sitll don't know though..

Thanks so much for all of your opinions. I really do appreciate it.

 

it's amazing that he gets to work full time with an aid! i don't know what sort of special needs your son has but having involved and informed parents, and getting the extra attention at school can make so so so much difference.

i volunteered at a primary school for a while and worked with this amazing kid who had pretty severe asperger's, and because he'd had just enough attention and understanding he was INCREDIBLY functional and adaptable for someone with his special needs. there were so many things about his situation that could've been a lot better (his parents weren't very well educated about how they could work with him, and his high sugar diet definitely didn't help him) but the extra attention he'd had at the school made all the difference. and at his school none of the special needs kids got more than a few hours of one on one. so full time one on one is really amazing.

 

They are very little things, and I'd totally understand that they are making you feel uncomfortable when they all stack up together. Maybe try thinking of them as just tiony little things, one tiny little thing. Try not to let them stack up? I am in a similar position in my house at uni, and it is hard to try not let the little things stack up but if the school is somewhere that is meeting his needs perfectly then it might be worth trying this Plus, there might be other reasons why she was standing so close, orrr the other things. Think of it like I dunno... like a skeptic would be towards ghosts. Theres always another explanation. Be a skeptic! 0.o I don't make any sense xD

 

I'm torn between saying 'don't let it bother you' and telling you to document who made you feel what and when. While they aren't 'incidents' you could take to anybody, keeping track may help you if over zealous person decides to go to social services. Or keeping track might just make you more paranoid. I don't really know what to advise here.

I'm not sure where exactly you're at but even if you can't get out of AB, moving to a place more urban, like Calgary might see enough of a difference in judgmental attitude. Selling a house is a bitch though, eh?

 

my son hasn't started school yet but I do go to a mother and baby group every week and notice that they don't seem to 'respect' me as much as they do eachother. now that could be because I'm a lot younger than them as well...anyway! I definitely don't think you should cut or even comb out a few. It's hair, people are going to have opinions...whatever they are. I don't understand why they would look at you more closely because of your dreads. they think you don't take care of your hair so won't take care of your kid? are your sure it's not just you being paranoid or that maybe it's some other reasons rather than the dreads? If it gets to a more serious point I'd stand up for yourself and talk to them about it. But if it's just a few odd looks, than I'd ignore it.

 

you.are.a.crazy.man!

 

man, i really feel for ya , i dont think i would cut my hair.. it is unfortunate that the school has made you feel this way, and the weird thing is, i get MORE respect now that i have had my dreads for a few years, than before i had them.. i have always looked the outcast, no matter where i have lived, being heavily tattooed the long hair and the motorcycle thing, most peeps think im an outlaw, but it has never done any harm to my children, and i have them from pre k all the way to high school, and 2 of them in private school, and all of my kids excell in there academics and sports. and the teachers and coaches are always nice to me... i think just be yourself, dont act extra nice to try to make them like you, or dont be rude to make them not like you, just be you, and let them decide. and if they dont like you, their loss..

 

but Mister Wayne, sir, it's because they're all scared of you. And then they find out that you're a nice guy... who had his wife braid his hair for him.

 

I'd say move. I have this weird vibe that even if you cut your dreads you'll still be known as the woman who once had dreads seeing as how you're town is so white and mainstream. Move somewhere, where it is more acceptable for you to have different hair.

 

afoolonahill,, your a foolontheinternet!.....lol

 

Please resize that sig wild flowers it's too much!

 

Lol!! BIGGEST SIG EVVAAARRRRR

 

lol! Took me forever ot read the posts because of the sig.

Thanks again everyone.

Yes, it could be simply that I'm paranoid. But I usually have a good grasp of healthy paranoid vs. unhealthy.

And wild-flowers, you are right... I keep thinking that just becuase I cut won't matter... I mean, the opinion has already been formed.

And yes yes yes, I wanna move. I've wanted to leave this place for almost 2 years now. It's our house that keeps us here... we cna't sell the thing. We are trying though. Ugh!

Sithlocked, I think I may start doing that. I'll record everything in case something bigger comes up. I think it will make me feel more comfortable.

vulgar - I find that most men with really hard exteriors have really soft interiors. =)

I should add this last bit... the bit that has me the absolute most paranoid. I worked with this lady 3 years ago for 6 months. Different responsibilities, but we'd see each other at least 2 times a week. At any rate, she volunteers in the classroom and from what I can gather, her daughter is in the class. Anyway, I have tried everything to get her to look at me and talk to me apart from saying her name. If it's just the two of us, she'll walk somewhere else so she will avoid me completely. When waiting for our kids she stands in a way so that I cannot catch her eye. I don't like that she's in there iwth my son when she treats me this way. I really really don't. I could list 10 different ridiculous things she has done to avoid saying even hello to me. I had a great reputation at my work and I wonder if she's just shocked that i have dreads or... I have no clue. But that was the beginning of all of this and I almost feel as if she's said or started somethign with the teacher etc. I am making it my #1 goal the next time she's at the school to walk straight up to her and speak. I have done everything but this... Maybe once I have that resolved, I will not feel the same vibe that I'm feeling now.

Truly though, it's so much different when you feel your phsyical appearance is having a negative effect on one of the things you love most in this world. It really makes me second guess it. I love my kid more than my dreads though so I will brush if I still feel it after approaching that lady.