How do you tell a parent that their parenting style sucks? This is the deal.... My sister is 7 years younger than me (15) and all she does is go to school. She comes home and sits around and does nothing from 3:30 when she gets home til 11:30 or 12 when she goes to bed. I work fulltime and go to school fulltime, leaving very little time to do much of anything besides my own laundry and my own cleaning (and on a few occasions have skipped school in order to do it). My dad is complaining that the dishes haven't been done in a few weeks and the downstairs is a mess. I clean up my own mess (and my own room) and she's certainly old enough to clean up hers...only she doesn't. YET...he still allows her to go over her friends house when she asks or go to sporting events at school. He and I got into it after I got home from work (another LOOOOOOONG day), saying I need to start doing stuff around the house. I told him that he DOES have another daughter in the house that by the way DOES NOT have a job or do very well in school. He claims that he cant' get her to do anything... So replied by saying..."Then don't let her go to her friends house til she does it! Then maybe she'll get a clue." He makes a smartass comment that says "She won't get a clue, just like someone else I know." I figured that was me...*sigh* I'm doing my best here...but I don't think I need to take care of the entire house doing as much as I do. He claims I'm living in "real life" now (going to school and working). Only problem is...I put in more hours than HE does at work, PLUS I go to school fulltime AND have homework. I don't know what else to do, but I think this is pretty unfair to me. Am I just being stubborn? Or am I really right? Any advice is appreciated. I'm at the last straw.
I kinda know that problem. I have three siblings, the youngest is 8 years younger then I am, and he barely did any chore in his life... he never had to take consequences for his actions either, barely had a curfew. I say, that this is a big part of the problems he has in school and life now. ( he's also 15)
I wish... Unfortunately, I can't at the moment. I don't make nearly enough money. I've sat down and added up numbers and costs of living on my own in the areas in which I work and go to school...No such luck. I just need advice...
First thing to try - ask him to make a written list of every thing he wants done - then have him put your name next to what he thinks is your fair share - be sure to do all of your share - when ever anything else comes up (that is not on your part of your list) say in a polite, respectful, way that you are pulling your weight and the rest of the list is between him and your sister
Can you talk to your sister directly? You may not be able to make her do anything if she really doesn't want to, but you can certainly give her your opinion, try to persuade her to do her share.
hippypaul's on the right track, nuthin like seeing it on paper to realize how much you really are contributing. maybe even make a list of everything you did for a week or two, then show it to your dad. ah, the written list... on the other end of the problem as a mom trying to get my boys to help out - we did a list of chores to be done & a point system for everything they did, more points for the harder stuff, with a reward based on points earned. well, i put 'mom' on the point system too, just so they could see that i was doing 4 times as much as they were - lol!! it was an eye opener for them... and i didn't even include things like 'working & paying bills', 'grocery shopping', 'changing the starter on the car', bleahh... but - i wouldn't take it up with your sister, you'll just make bad feelings between the two of you, she'll think you're tryin to boss her around. let your dad be the parent, you've got way too much going on to try to raise your sister too.
well, as a sibling once in a similar situation, you can't look at what your sister is doing, or not doing. she's a totally different entity. you're a responsible, hard-working adult, she's not. your parents will ALWAYS treat her differently than she treats you, because she's a different person. you're an adult living in your parents' house. have them hash out a list, negotiate a bit, tell them WHEN things can get done, based on your school and work schedule, and just let it go. fairness is not a factor. i swear to you, as soon as you forget about the unequal treatment of your younger sibling, the happier you'll be.
but dad is also doing little sis a huge disservice in not teaching that level of responsibility. I cannot in good conscience allow my son simply to move in with dad until he really understands how to do simple chores. So he's getting a crash course this year. sis needs to know HOW to do these things, and it is DAD's responsiblity to be the parent and make her do them.
Yes, he seems way more concerned with what's going on in MY life than hers...even though I'm an adult. Always making sure I'm doing my homework, hasseling me to do the housework, asking me when I'll be home, asking me to do errands everyday (even though I don't sometimes get home from work until 11 or later... Yet, he leaves my sister to sit on the computer all day, doesn't ask about her homework, doesn't bug her about doing any housework...NOTHING. Which is why she's doing so poorly in school. IN FACT, if I miss a day of school because I'm REALLY sick, I get yelled at...but my sister FAKES sick and he doesn't say a word. I guess my dad sees it as, when he hassels me, I do it...so it's just easier for him. I know there is a problem. I'm just not sure how to approach it. My dad isn't very open minded when it comes to ANYTHING.
