Our First Fight : (

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by TheLittleOne, Jan 10, 2005.

  1. TheLittleOne

    TheLittleOne Senior Member

    I've been dating this really great guy for over a month now. He pretty much lives with me (employment housing at a ski resort). We never talked about it...he kinda just...moved in. Ok, anyways, he's really sweet. makes me happy, makes me laugh. he's gorgeous...i love being with him.
    Ok, so last night, I went out with my girl, got really drunk..And out of nowhere, two random naked dudes are standing there. They were clearly drunk, laughing, just having a good time. So we followed them to the hot tub they were in, had a couple beers. We got in the hot tub, but i didn't touch anyone. I would never even think about it. And i know it sounds really bad, me in a hot tub with some naked dudes...but it was totally innocent. I would never even think about wanting anyone else but my boyfriend...
    so i got home soaking wet, told him what happened...and he totatlly flipped out. He was so mad. And i feel really bad for what i did...but i didn't do anything.
    And now he's not gonna trust me when i go out and drink. But i wish he would just know that i would never do him wrong, no matter what. I think i love him. why would i ruin that? i wish i could make him realize that.
     
  2. meishka

    meishka Grease Munky

    take him out to the hot tub yourself.
     
  3. grim_rebel

    grim_rebel Member

    whatever, tell the kid to grow up. If he can't trust you then I think that's gonna be a larger issue in the future.
     
  4. meishka

    meishka Grease Munky

    yea that too
     
  5. TheLittleOne

    TheLittleOne Senior Member

    well i drink and party alot...i think he's just scared i'm gonna do something stupid, but i care about him so much, there's absolutely no way i'd screw around on him. i just hope he gets over it. i was partying, having fun...and i didn't mean to hurt him...even though i didn't do anything...urgh! so frustrating.
     
  6. phillyrp314

    phillyrp314 Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    Okay...

    First off, I'm sure you meant nothing by it, and it's commendable that you told him about what happened...The honesty that you showed goes along way and he needs to realize how lucky he is that you told him...

    But...hypothetically, were my gf to come and tell me something like this, I would have a negative reaction. Would I flip out? I'd hope not. But I surely wouldn't just laugh and pass it off. Have you ever considered it from his side? What if HE went out, got piss drunk, and followed 2 naked chicks into a hot tub? How would YOU feel about that, even if you had a certain level of trust? Even if he didn't do anything with them?

    Basically, you're stating that he's out of line for not trusting you. Granted, trust is one of the most important foundations in a succesful relationship. But, one month into a relationship that you seem to want to take seriously and you're hot-tubbing drunk with two other males. Although your intentions may have been good, you placed yourself in a situation where that trust can be broken in an instant.

    Plus add in the two drunk guys. What were their intentions? I'm a guy. If I was sitting in a hot tub drunk and naked, and two chicks come in to join me, I'm not going to be thinking about what to have for lunch tomorrow. Not to be crude, but I'd be wondering if this is an opportunity to get laid.

    Basically, if you want him to trust that you're not going to screw around with other people, you shouldn't place yourself in a situation where that trust can easily be wrecked. A trust in a relationship should be earned and not implied. It works the other way around, too. He should earn your trust. But, in my honest opinion he has a right to be upset. You sound like you want to take this relationship seriously. To the naked eye (no pun intended) sitting in a hot tub with two naked dudes doesn't seem to be taking it seriously.

    You should really think about what you want out of this. It's only what, a month old? Just think about how you would feel were the roles reversed. What would be your reaction if he were to tell you he spent some time with 2 naked drunk girls in a hot tub, but "don't get mad, I didn't do anything". Could you trust him to go out the next time and get drunk without you around?

    I'm not trying to be mean or harsh, only give you a male perspective other than saying "he needs to grow up".

    Sometimes the guy seems to get the short end of the stick for not trusting his companion. But when that mis-trust comes out of drunken naked bathing, I feel he has every right to be upset.
     
  7. TheLittleOne

    TheLittleOne Senior Member

    Yea he does have the right to be mad...I'll think about what i'm doing next time..and i'll let him know that
     
  8. FallenFairy

    FallenFairy Senior Member

    First things first.... He should trust you cuz you told him what had happened and you had a chance to fuck two guys in a hot tub and you didnt. You shouldn't feel bad or guilty if you didnt do any thing wrong. He is upset because if he was in that situation he would have seized the oppertunity and he knows that and it pisses him off so he takes it out on you. ( at least thats how most men are) you two should sit down and have a serious talk about your relationship. youve been together for ONE month and hes moved in with no disscussion about it at all are you guys really ready to live with eachother and see eachother 24/7 ask yourself these kinds of questions and then bring out in the open. Good luck with everything .

    ~Fallen Fairy~
     
  9. phillyrp314

    phillyrp314 Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    Once again it turn's out to be HIS fault because of uninformed, blatant assumptions. I'm getting really sick of hearing that things are HIS fault because he would have acted differently. That's bullshit, plain and simple. And that's NOT how most men are. How the hell would you know? So you must have interviewed the majority of men in the world?

    I'm not trying to be mean or judgemental. But that's what your statements are. You assume that if he was in that situation he would have screwed around. How do you know that he would have put himself into that situation to begin with? And you say he's taking out his sexually frustrated fantasies on her? You assume that because he's a man. Is it his fault becaused he moved in without discussion? I'm not trying to put words into Little_one's mouth, but if she had a problem with it she would have said so.

    Your argument for it being his fault and that he would have fucked around if he had the chance is akin to saying a woman asked to get raped because of the way she dresses. I have never beleived this and think it's a shame for someone to assume something and stereotype a person because of their ways of dressing, race, or SEX.

    I'm not trying to make her feel bad or guilty. But if the whole issue is trust, then why should he trust her just because she didn't do anything and she told him about it. Being honest doesn't always mean that a person is going to trust you. You could be honest about having an affair. Does that mean that your significant other should automatically trust you, after doing something that violates that trust, just because you were honest? Being honest is comendable and shows real courage. But it's the honesty of the SITUATION. And being honest comes with it's price. Honesty doesn't automatically equal trust. Especially if the situation is something that hurt the other person's feelings. Maybe he really has something for her, and to him that trust is violated. Maybe that's something that he never would have done, especially in the beginning of a relationship, and he's hurt that it was done to him.

    Don't make assumptions. To state the facts, he wasn't the one drunk and in a hot tub with naked girls. How the hell can you turn his anger around on him?

    Let me ask you the same question. What if your boyfriend (hypothetical or not) came home drunk and told you something like this. Just how would you feel? And then, if it upset you, how would you feel if you told that getting angry was your own fault?

    Simply, don't make stupid assumptions. Because I know plenty of women out there that given the chance would screw around behind their boyfriend's back. However, I know that it doesn't apply to everybody.

    Edited : Just wanted to add...

    The Little One, please don't think that I'm trying to make you feel bad for what happened or guilty. You posted, so I thought I'd give my 2 cents. Granted, what you done wasn't terribly wrong or really even bad. But if you claim that you are in a relationship or dating, you now have another person that you should consider when making some decisions. In no way am I implying that you should follow his orders or do a thing that he says. But relationships go both ways, and you have to be considerate of each other's feelings. I've seen relationships where majority ruled, and they were horrendous. You need to decide what you really want out of life right now. If it is a relationship with him, let him know that, and discuss what you expect of each other. It is a partnership, and both sides should have equal say. And if you can't come to some sort of compromise or understanding, then maybe it wasn't meant to be.

    I truly hope things work out for you. As I stated before, the ability to be honest with him (and each other. he should do the same) speaks loads for your character. It's diffricult too, sometimes to realize that you are in a relationship, especially if it's only been a month or two. And poeple make little mistakes. I make my share. In fact, everybody does. But it's the courage to work through them that really counts in the end.

    Peace
    Robby
     
  10. ArtistofPeace

    ArtistofPeace Senior Member

    How the hell do you know that if he was in that situation he would have taken the opportunity? And how the hell can you make such a sweeping assumption that "most men" would be pissed and take it out on their girls? I hate shit like that. He has a right to feel the way he does. If my man went out and saw two naked chicks and followed them into a hot tub, I'd be pissed. I would expect him to tell me, but I wouldn't be all fine and dandy about it. She fucked up...but at least she knows it and is trying to make it better with her man. But don't go blaming it on the man for something SHE did wrong. Ugh, I hate generalizations about genders sometimes...they fucking piss me off...
     
  11. I know at first i would be kinda like wtf? But after setting down and realizing you did tell me and it was harmless i would be cool. Just because eventually some shit goin to happen when im all drunk you know shit happens. Just like it did to you. So I woulndt be surprized if he has some shit go down. You've all been together a month to so it all depends on how serious you are and what you to feel comfortable with on the strength of the relationship
     
  12. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    I'm sorry but if you guys are serious then what you did was not really wrong but totally disrespectful. It sounds like these guys were strangers!! since you haven't been together a long time I doubt the relationship is really serious but still, I know that I would be pissed if my guy was drunk in a hot tub with 2 naked chicks he didn't know! We've also been together almost 2 1/2 years so it may be a different story.

    All I can say is that this guy doesn't want to share you with 2 drunk naked guys. If you can't see the logic in that then either you don't care about him, or well.. you're a bit slutty. I really don't mean to offend you in any way, but that's how this situation comes across to me. If you really like this guy, I wouldn't go that far. It's fine to have a few drinks, flirt a bit, even sitting in th hot tub is appropriate, but not naked or sexual. He likes you and doesn't want to share you. You should feel lucky he cares. Just try and respect him and his feelings and if that oppresses you, there's tons of guys out there that will probably not give a shit. It all depends on the kind of gy you want.
     
  13. PhoenixCocker

    PhoenixCocker Member

    Just more of the same answers I guess...

    TheLittleOne... listen to phillyrp314, he knows what he is talking about. Ok so you made a mistake by having a bit TOO much drunken fun. Maybe not really a mistake but just having a naive moment. But then again who hasn't out of all of us. As long as you learn from this experience and talk to your boyfriend about it and work things out you should be fine. In relationships concessions are going to have to be made on both sides to make it work. If you two really care for each other (or could see that happening), then you should be fine. Remember part of being mature is being able to admit when we are wrong, and that is a damn hard thing to do for anyone. But from what I read from your replies to phillyrp314's posts, you are on the right track. As long as you don't get caught up in the whole Male/Female drama that some people let themselves get caught up in (I won't name names)... then your eyes will remain open to more of the world than you imagined possible. Good luck with everything. If you need any more help feel free to PM/IM/email me.

    -Litos
     
  14. TheLittleOne

    TheLittleOne Senior Member

    Well, things worked out : )
    He didn't come home for a couple days, which worried me alot...He said he needed time to cool off, and he said it 'felt different'. Which also upsest me. However, after some lovin' and apologizing, everything's back to normal. Better, even. I'm very happy.
     
  15. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    that's good

    is that a cat knocking a kid down in your sig.?
     
  16. TheLittleOne

    TheLittleOne Senior Member

    sure is, lol
     

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