opinions please?

I have been seeing this guy for a little over a year now, we only see each other 2, 3 times a month and usually message every night as he lives a couple of hours drive away. It was great at first, no demands, not interfering in my life, very easy going...but xmas time we spent a lot of time together, in each others lives and since its gone back to normal i kinda would like more intimacy, and him around more, or making more of an effort. But a couple of weeks ago he took some smutty pics of a friend and it really bothered me, i told him and of course he got annoyed because he didnt think he had done anything wrong. No empathy, no remorse, no validation for my feelings. I'm not sure what i want now. Any advice/opinions are welcome...

 

Some questions:

What is separating you?
Why do you want him to be around more, why don't you go see him more often?
Can you give more detail about the photos?

 

well i got work and 2 kids, he's got a kid, we both got our lives in different places. The photo was a glamour pic, underwear and suspenders on a bed...He didn't mention it untill a couple of days later and didn't actually tell me what the photo was like until i asked

 

and I guess I want more company, I want him in my life, although right now I just want to scream at him

 

If you are not happy and you can't have the kind of relationship that you really want with him move on.

 

Sorry to say this, but you're not "in a relationship" this sounds like a fuck buddy situation, at least from his side. You'll probably never get more than what you've gotten so far from him, I know from experience! Might be best to end it and move on, and have room in your life for something real. That's the real problem I found, is that leaving someone like this in my life took up so much time/space/energy, I had nothing left over. It gives the sensation that you've got something real, but it's really just energetic noise.

Best of luck to you!

 

Thanks for your comments, this is what i need to do, i guess its never easy.

 

you should play hard to get and not answer his text then take a pic on your fb with another guy. then boom hes jealous and will want you

 

If you're in high school, this might work.

 

Works for me,,,





Just kidding


I think the thing to do is see it as a Fuck buddy thing as said and realize you want more, someone closer to you might be a good thing in your case just because you want more from a relationship. Long distance only works for those who want it long distance and if he done something that made you upset, all the more reason to let it go.

 

anybody any age gets jealous at seeing somebody with someone else

 

Sorry to say, but this is just not true.

 

it's strange cos he was the one who wanted to put the label bf and gf on it, he wants a committed (no cheating) relationship. And he isn't demanding, any problems arise and it 'ok sweetie, don't worry about it'. Am not sure whether I've seen all the sides to him yet, but it's been a year!

 

You're right I did see my ex with like a 4 so it made me feel better but you get what I'm saying

 

I would just lay all your cards on the table. Tell hin you want to see more of each other and you fely hurt by him taking those types of photos. Sounds like youve reached a turning point in your relationship, its either got to go to the next level or its got to end so you can both move on.
I imagine it must be so hard with kids to do any kind of relationship, but long distance is just not going to work when your time is limited already with kids.
The fact that he avoided telling you about the nature of the photos until you asked him directly, means that on some level he knew it was wrong.

 

That's what i thought freckles, seemed evasive. And I could get over the photos (possibly), but not his response to my reaction. He brought up issues with me he never mentioned before...and i'm there feeling like a mug, expressing understanding and apologising and all i get back is, 'well now i know it upsets you i won't be taking those sorts of pictures again'.

 

probably not, but it might be effective if all genders were reversed.

 

So you want more from your fuck buddy. Poor guy is having to text you every night and not seeing anyone else. He's even sharing with you the pictures instead of hiding it. Sounds to me like you're letting your insecurities ruin a perfectly good arrangement.

 

That sounds significant repentance in reaction to your feelings, as long as he keeps his word and doesn't do this kind of thing again.

But the 2nd issue is you want I spend more time with him, see what you guys can do about that.

 

Play hard to get and see what happens. I am not sure he feels like you do. Sometimes we have to realize that He Is Just Not That Into Us. If you want to keep him in your life, I would add someone else that I can see more often.....