Open Relationships But Married?

What is your take on them? For those that have one would you say there are trust issues within your relationship? Jealousy? OR...Does it seem to enhance your marriage?

 

I think the worst time to enter an open relationship is when you've already broken that person's trust, even if they don't know it already. Open relationships are all about trust and honesty, transparency, even moreso than a normal closed relationship.

 

If you're a jealous person, you shouldn't be in an open relationship. It takes two people wanting it for it to work.

 

That certainly makes sense.

 

I think it takes two strong people who are comfortable with themselves. My wife is not into some of the same things I'm into but she is a very confident woman. She's actually told me that I should get a friend on the side who is willing to do the things I like to do. The first time she said that, there were a couple of friends there (one who is a female...but not my type at all) and I was kind of surprised that she just threw that out there. I called my female friend a day later just to get her take on it. She was like....yeah...I was surprised too but I think she was serious, she doesn't care but doesn't want to know about it. I honestly think that might be true but I would never do that kind of thing without my wife there or specifically saying a certain situation was ok with her. I don't count those conversations as permission even though others thought it was clear permission.

 

Yeah...I've seen that kind of thing go down wizardofodd where something is spoken but shouldn't really be taken as permission. More than often people aren't thinking it out really when they say things like that, it's fine in theory but when it comes down to it really happening it's completely different. Communication is key, even when people claim they don't want to talk about it.

 

Well...knowing my wife...she doesn't mince words and doesn't say things she doesn't mean...ever. I agree with my friend...she probably meant it at least at the time and she wouldn't want to know about it. She's even told me that there are just things that she knows enough about and doesn't need to know any more. But....like I said...I would never do those things even if I did interpret it correctly. Plus...I'm more into sex with my wife there than without her there. She's not really down with that either though...and that's ok. If you're wife tells you that you should find someone to play with...you can't exactly have a problem with her not being into other things.

 

So you think it is best to have your wife present while you are swinging?

 

Well...it's different for each person. Would I like to have some extra fun and have my wife be a part of it if it worked out? Sure. Am I interested in doing the same thing without her...even if I have permission? Probably not. Does that make sense?

 

My husband and I are sexually incompatible. We're kind of like housemates who snuggle. I really thought that he would become more interested in sex over time, but after five years of near-celibacy, I requested to be able to each seek sex elsewhere. Being sexually disinclined, he doesn't get involved with anyone else, though I think it would be good for him if he did. I on the other hand, have definitely been making up for lost time. It would not work at all if we were not on he same page, and if we didn't trust each other. I just try not to give him reason to doubt me. If he defines a boundary, I respect it. I know he will do the same for me.

 

I have a mixed bag of opinions on this.


Yes for some, no for others.

Is it just for sexual needs or emotional ones too like a second spouse? Will it cause you to neglect your spouse? Lots of follow up questions to ask so I can't answer definitively.

 

When I was young, I didn't think I ever wanted to get married. But I got closer to my gf during a wonderful acid trip and we agreed to have an open marriage. We had very high standards of communication and honesty and neither one of us was the jealous type. Before my marriage, I had had sex with three other women. In the first year of my marriage, I had sex with seven others and I became much more confident. It went well, no fights. We agreed to tell each other anything we wanted to know about each encounter. Because our honesty was so complete, it worked for years.

After being together for 16 years, we decided to have a child and that changed everything. We were monogamous for a long time after that.

Our marriage lasted 34 years. It just ended recently.

 

It all depends on the person. I would not be with someone who wanted an open relationship. When I'm in a relationship I like it to be just me and them. The idea of sharing my guy and having a threesome does turn me on, but actually being able to do it is something else. I think I'll just stick to the fantasy for now.

 

My wife and I are 34, married 10 years, and together for 15. When we met in college we both cheated many times and always had that pit in our stomachs of the unknown, lying, or jealousy. After a few years of dating we began to open it and it was the single MOST important reason that our relationship is perfect in our eyes. Eliminate all jealousy and dishonesty and what do you have left to fight about each day? Now, it won't work for many couples or some won't take it to the level we recently have gone. For the first time ever, we agreed to allow the other to have an experience without the other one present.
Why it won't work for all? Well, for starters I seriously get off on seeing my wife w another man. We had a fling periodically for 7 years w a guy that we went to college with and who she used to cheat on me with. It gave us the hottest memories ever and I loved watching this other man make my wife squirt for the first time and also hear her tell him and I that he was quite a bit bigger than me so she would cum harder.
On her side, she watched as I spent two hours w her beautiful friend completely doing anything and everything imaginable and my wife loved sitting there and watching it.

So, in summary, it strengthened our relationship and adds spice because we both don't know what we may do next! I believe many men have a fantasy....even deep dark down there, to see their wife or GF get totally consumed by another man.

 

Well, that was unexpected. Please provide a caption.

 

Nice picture! Open relationships certainly are interesting. Don't know anyone personally that does this

 

Sometimes people agree to open relationships because they just cave in when they have found their significant other has cheated and the trust is damaged. Being hurt and constantly 'working' at being trusting is exhausting, so you think being open is the best way to deal with not being able to let go of the person you love because they can't be mature enough to be faithful.
It doesn't work though and you eventually and painfully part.

As for those who are married and partake in open relationships. I just don't think it's respectable and honorable. I think a man should value and desire his wife, protect her and keep her. And the wife should value and want her husband only. (not saying it's not normal to find other's attractive, we all do. We just don't act on it)
I can't see how anyone can be honest and say they aren't jealous unless for two reasons: 1. they just don't care about their wife that much -or- 2. by having an open relationship, they push the jealousy under the rug so that they can partake in having their own selfish pleasures satisfied by being with other people.
But no one can convince me that it's not damaging or healthy.

I do know a few people who are married and in open relationships. They are miserable.

 

Well, now you know me. I think honesty and really good communication is the key. I think your idea of love is a possessive kind of love, and that is something I've never had.

 

Idk. I think it's possible to not be jealous about it because you want your partner to have more experiences that make them feel better about themselves. But I personally don't want to have a relationship like that, I'd like to be in a relationship with someone who is already experienced and feels good about themselves. However I've been in the position before of feeling like it'd be good for my partner to experience more, outside of our relationship.

At the same time there's a helluva lot of drama of really going through that. It's much easier to imagine, theorize about and even give permission than it is to constantly talk about it, try to keep things open and balanced and keep up the trust and transparency.

I have no desire to go through that again.