Open Relationship with Boundaries

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by deram_scholzara, Jun 8, 2006.

  1. I am considering entering an open relationship. It is an unusual form of Primary/Secondary. I will be the primary partner with a woman I've been friends with for over 5 years, and dating for the last 1.5 of that. We're both young adults (low 20s).

    Basically how we will have it set up is this:
    • We feel open, trusting, and comfortable enough to delve into sexuality with each other. With the secondaries, it would be limited to kissing, because that is what we are comfortable with without getting jealous. Additionally, we don't want to chance to spread diseases to eachother in regards to acts of sex. (this includes basically anything with nudity and anything done in between the legs)
    • Additionaly, we understand that we work really well as a couple, and will be good in the long run, but we are still young and want to experience the funness of "flings." The flings are dated and left behind on a whim when the relationship leans towards getting serious. It is apparent to us that leading a lifestyle in which you are dating various people off and on over time as nothing more than flings is fun, but can also be a very lonely seeming lifestyle with all the rejecting and being rejected — and so we believe this will be easier with a maintained relationship between us(the primary partners).
    • We will always know that the other person will be looking out to tell us when we're being stupid, and when we're acting out of character. We trust each other, even if we do not always fully trust the secondary partners. There will always be a person to come to with our deep troubles. We support eachother, while the secondary relationships are more like looking for a sugar fix.
    What do you think of this? Also, we aren't sure whether or not we can really be comfortable with each other sleeping overnight with the secondaries (just sleeping, not sex)... what do you think and how would you feel about that?
  2. Xac

    Xac Visitor

    I've been in that situation and to be honest... it worked fine, pretty much the same rules as you have outlined but it did go wrong.

    When i was in that situation, it was more a detoriation of the relationship rather then a mutual life choice, having said that i had no problems being in the relationship under those circumstances but it did inevitably lead to her moving on to another guy.

    However you situation is different i think because the reasons you are going into the relationship, so in terms of comparison i can only say how i felt during the relationship and as i said, it worked quite well, so good luck my friend and enjoy your flings! (make sure that your girlfriend doesnt get involved with anyone dodgey, even if its just for your sake! stay safe!)
  3. stinkfoot

    stinkfoot truth

    I honestly can't imagine a relationship working unless both partners are committed and faithful to each other.
  4. what of the sleeping thing though?
  5. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

    :confused: you have secondaries with whom you can only kiss? And additional flings on the side? Or am I reading this wrong

    I guess i don't really get the point of secondaries if all you can do is kiss. I mean, kissing is awesome but I always want to have it lead to more eventually
  6. for those things, you return to the long term one...
  7. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

    *shrugs* guess I just don't understand why you'd bother with it all
    but that's me, I lik emonogamy
  8. Suncatch22

    Suncatch22 Member

    Actually, I think your terms and conditions are pretty good. *sigh* I wish I had made terms and conditions with MY open partner, rather than just assuming he would want the freedom to do whatever he wanted and therefore never communicating my thoughts at all ... which led to our breakdown.

    But as far as the sleeping thing: I dunno, I personally am a fan of cuddling, and will cuddle almost anyone, but yet at the same time I prefer to do it with my primary. So it's your call, completely the prerogative of you and your partner.
  9. Bitter Moon

    Bitter Moon Member

    I had an open relationship and it went pretty well... We ended it when i relized that my partener was not willing to "share" me with anyone else. So his ideea was that he can go on fooling around with who ever he feels like it while I wait at home. I am fanatic about my freedm so we broke up. Ironical, I soon found a partener with who I had a "closed relationship" that was really cool.
  10. Moonjava

    Moonjava Senior Member

    honestly, I think its a bad idea if you want to stay together.
  11. dtownballer

    dtownballer Member

    yeah i dont think its a good idea...jealousys a fucker and it will bite one of you in the ass

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