One thing that bugs me, is my wife won't discuss anything about her previous relationships!

Hi I am a long time married man, I have been married three times and have had countless bit-part relationships (mostly before and after marriage) When I met my wife No 3 we were 37 & 27, obviously I discussed any questions my new partner had about prior relationships. She on the other-hand refused to talk about any of her past relationships and this refusal to share her previous life bugs me and still does!

We have a great relationship now 44 years and counting, we also enjoyed a high number and varied sex life. Over the years we have tried varying ways to enhance our sex-life by playing with others via extra players, so threesomes and foursomes are included. There is not much that we haven't tried in our desire for sexual fun. Yet even now in our dotage years she refuses to talk about her past relationships. At 27 she was a cracking looking girl and I do know she had lots of previous lovers (one being a fling with actor Roger Moore) She is Asian and arrived in London aged 16 she did quite a bit of modelling and clubbing in her 11 years in the big city. Eventually she settled down to a more boring job in one off the professions, fully qualified. So she has had an interesting life before we met and still she refuses to talk about it. I remain an open book and she could probably tell you as much as I can remember about myself. Yet I remain "bugged" that she won't share her previous sexual exploits. I would appreciate any helpful comments.

 

Maybe she hasn't gotten to them yet.

 

It's not abundantly clear to me how her life prior to meeting you is any of your business.
If you're happy today, in this present moment, count your lucky stars; you're a very fortunate man.

 

To you her life before might seem exciting and sexy but to her there could have been some traumatic experiences and talking about her past could be very painful for her. I wouldn't push but you could just try letting her know that no matter what happened to her it would not change how you feel about her.

 

Hey we have been together for nearly 45 years I think we are both sure about our relationship by now

 

It might not technically be my business, but I continue to be intrigued by her "before me" life, she knows all about me so it seems only fair for her to reciprocate!

 

Maybe a terrible memory and she has locked it away in her heart so it can’t get out to hurt anyone else, 45 years together surely you trust her by now that she’s doing the right thing, unlocking it could cause her depression.

 

If she arrived in a big city at 16 and did a lot of modeling, it's nearly certain that she got sexually abused in one way or another, possibly over the course of many years. Unless she had an extremely watchful guardian protecting her (in which case she likely lost out on a lot of work - it's pay to play in some industries, and modeling is one of them) she would have faced the dark side of that whole money machine. I know the entertainment industry, and the things young women go through can be horrific. The Roger Moore thing might have been a fling, or she may have gotten pimped out - whether he knew it or not. I've known women who did things "willingly" who in reality were just well aware of the expectations, and the consequences of not going along with them. "You can taste the bright lights but you won't get them for free." People on the outside think it's exciting and fascinating, but that scene simply breaks the people it doesn't kill.

Leave it alone. Whether there was a lot of abuse or not, if she still doesn't want to talk about it after this many years, there's a reason. Allow her to bury her past as deeply as she needs to, and get on with the life she's chosen with you.

 

...
For what it is worth Ray.
After 45 years If I where you I would get over it and finally put that particular niggle where it belongs.
Down the toilet pan!
Why allow this to let her past whatever that was to spoil your future?
It just doesn’t make any sense my friend.

 

My wife and I started dating at 15 and married after she graduated from college. She was free to date others the first three years of college. I knew her dates were having fun with her, but she insisted they weren't having sex. After we married, I asked her if she actually had sex with them, and she said "yes" without hesitation. I asked for details, and she seemed to enjoy remembering her college activities. She still keeps a few secrets, but I enjoy hearing her stories.

 

She may not have any good memories. I only remember a couple of women, who I thought were extra special. Same for my wife, she claims to only have a couple of guys worth talking about. Yes I loved hearing her stories, but only in a sexy way.

 

I think you should count yourself lucky she doesn't talk openly about her past encounters. Sometimes that's a good thing. It's better than hearing a lot of things you wish you could unhear and try to sort them out in your head .

 

It's not a bad thing to talk about your past encounters if it's done with the other person's feelings in considerations. One can be honest and open about it without being too revealing or graphic, but above all keep it real and honest and consistent.