once. twice. never again...you are always one step ahead of my stop sign break, shatter, i never could bend but this times what seeps thru your lyrics and sweat will be mine the shock of a slight change reverberations of mind games so soft and sweet and untelling i would melt for every flame you ignited inside me; rain down on you in ashes of wet lust with the heartbeat of real love and you would melt too into me fade together not once. not twice. but forever.
It feels like a song and I'm sure it is. I'm working on the melody in my head. 'so soft and sweet and untelling i would melt for every flame you ignited inside me' Oh, I liked those lines!
Hey, that was loverly! The intro and ending are tied up nicely, last line resonates. First stanza was my favorite as I got caught up in the flow.
That was a good piece of work ~! Rhetorically its lyricl ofcourse ... plusating metaphors ...... with fragrances of post-impressionist romantic poetry, amalgamted with the thinking processes of our times. ... anyways, dont want to sound "heavy-duty"... Keep on scripting "little packets of inspirations" .... it makes me feel good to read your works .... you made my day ~! Peace and Love, FP
I really liked the flow this one has, and the images work well within it. The second stanza I thought especially awesome, as the passion there takes it up a notch. The only thing I can think of maybe changing is some of the line breaks to force the flow you want it to have, but regardless; this was lovely stuff!