they will never know about her inner worlds, her talents, her needs… they will never uderstand her dreams they will never see inside her although every day they walk beside her she is already far away but still, she seems so present she tried to tell them she tried to show them she tried to make it clear but no, they cannot hear her, they live on the other side *************************** take care, marina
One thing that I've always struggled with in my poetry, is which person to write in. Whether to write as you have here, or in first person. I tried in my mind to change it to first person and it seemed to be stronger that way. It would start out with.... They will never know about my inner worlds my talents my needs Also, there are no visuals here, nothing to make one connect with the poem on a visual/sensory level. It's a good theme: the feeling of being unconnected from "them/they"... but need to find a way to show it vs. tell it. perhaps focus on how it makes you feel... and describe that and include it somehow. thanks for sharing Marina, I hope this helps some how as you work on your poetry.
