I erased my dealer's phone # out of my phone book. It was one of the most difficult thing's I've ever had to do. I have been chipping and going on H binges every once in a while, and I decided that it's time to quit cold turkey. I know that if I kept his number in my phone, I was eventually gonna go score again. Now, I have no way of getting H, because I don't know any of his friends. So, I'm a free man, unless I find another source. I am happy as a clean and sober person and I hope to stay that way.
When you're at the point where you can have your dealer's number in your phone and still not buy heroin, that is when you are not addicted. Right now you're just covering your eyes and ears and saying "LALALALALA" and hoping you don't hear the calling again, but of course it's only a matter of time. I would say that I'm not trying to burst your bubble, but I really am because it's a bubble of self-deceptive bullshit that isn't going to help you. Good luck getting through the real work, which is all mental, and not at all on your cellphone.
Staying clean is the most important thing, and there are as many ways to get there as there are people in recovery. I wish you your best in your attempt. Check out The Dark Side forum on Bluelight, I found it very helpful in my own time of need. Also, don't write off NA or AA. For me, the realization that I was not the only person in the world who wanted to be sober and who didn't want to be sober with the same intensity alone was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
Well, good luck, and I wish you the best. But you "probably" won't find a new connection if you don't look for one. I saw an excellent documentary on this subject called "Hairkutt" recently. These guys take their best friend, who is addicted to heroin, to a mountain cabin in Tennessee to detox, and they film the whole process.
That's cool. Yeah, I have no way of getting this guys number back. And, none of my friends up here use, so I would have to really look hard. It's a personal choice, and so far, It's been the right choice. My life is already much better, and my relationship with my family as well. I am going to check that film out, is it on You Tube?
I saw it on The Documentary Channel. There are some excerpts on youtube, though. Here's a link to one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3183CV2JfE"]HairKutt Excerpt - YouTube I think you can buy the DVD at amazon. Anyway, they take their buddy "Hairkutt" to this remote cabin in Tennessee for him to go through detox. And they basically keep him hostage through the whole process. The first day isn't too bad, then the full wd's kick in, and he has a really rough go of it for the next 4 days. It gets pretty bad. By about the 5th day he's feeling a lot better, so they take him home to St Louis. In spite of all the promises he's made he relapses the very next day. It ends with a scene of him cutting someone's hair about 3 years later, and he reflects back on his withdrawal experience, and how he never really expected to stay clean. I think he basically only went through that to please his family and friends.
I havent used regularly for months now, have still used on occasion, im still no where near over it.... its all mental, physical w/d's suck really bad, there is no doubt about that, the mental aspect as many others have said, is even worse.
I'm just getting the tail end of w/d out of me just now, nothing as severe as that guy on the video, i would score right now if i could tbh mentally the addiction is still there, heroin robs you of your will power in the early days. I'm going back to mums tomorow to get away from it. As writer says it may be that i'm going LALALA ! and ignoring it but it's a step in the right direction.
I actually quit a little over a year ago. i eased myself down with kratom, then just said fuck it. I've still had a couple grams of kratom every month or two and I still like to do a lot of hallucinogens, but no propper opiates, or H or anything since I quit. don't smoke herb anymore either. Feels good mann. I'm worried, though. I often chill with people who are occasional to mildly habitual opiate users (I don't chill with junkies anymore), like buy H a couple times a month and opium once a week sort of thing. And when all that H gets cracked out on the table next to me all of a sudden, I just feel so fucking jealous. Good luck polishman, its all in the head after the first couple days. The fight is as much a trip as any and I guess what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
