First I will tell you a bit about my life. Since this body was young, It has been filled with racing thoughts, agitation, and the inability to cope with the outside world. I have been angry and merely trying to subdue those thoughts. This body has reached an age of 30 and it is still lost in anger. I am lost. I do not know my way or how I fit into this world. I have no job as of a month ago. My degree leads me to jobs I could not mentally handle due to my mental "handicap". In sheer desperation I tried a new way... understanding. Tonight for the first time in my life I have meditated. I had to use DXM to open that up for me because I was never able to access my mind. However once it did, this body became truly calm.. I felt, for the first time in my life, at peace. I feel calm. I feel changed. I have sat here for many hours trying to discover who I am. That is the first thing I realized. I do not even know who or what I am. I do not know what I stand for. I have lived day to day on the whim of my flesh. As I meditated tonight, for the first time, I come to this quandary for myself: what place can all this have in the so called "real world"? In the world ran by ignorance, what can be my place? How do I seek this answer?
You're driven to find your true self. This is a privilege most don't encounter in their lifetime. The simple fact that you want to find more should make you realize that you don't have to have a "place" in the world ran by ignorance. You create your own place, your own world, your own destiny, and your own purpose. Good luck!
I just woke up. I feel so alive. When I woke up and didn't feel groggy or negative. I want to get out of my dark room and seize the day. I have been given a...feeling... like this place in the front of my skull that allows me to enter meditation. Tonight I will do this again, but without any chemicals to induce it. Sorry I don't know anything about meditation or any of the terms. I am such a newbie as this. Thank you for your post. Yes, it seems impossible right now in this world to find a way to live and survive. But I will find away. The answer must be somewhere. @Reno91 Thank you.
wow, so awesome, may you become a bright light in which all others are awakened unto their own beauty in viewing yours!
Thank you. I will continue to seek wisdom to understand what I have seen and hope to continue to see. The following stanza: "You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one I hope someday you'll join us And the world will live as one" Now means something entirely new to me. edit:7:52pm CST-- got some stuff coming on. Going to peak soon within the hour. yesss!
People go through rebirths many times in a life. In ritualized religions they speak of rebirth as the time when you come into the thought of that religion as proper. But rebirth happens for all. There's a time for shedding that which keeps us from growing. It's not an easy process. Just like when someone loses a limb and they get the 'phantom limb' effect. Sometimes when someone gives up their old habits they have a 'phantom habit' effect which is where their mind still clings to the old because it cannot allow itself to relax. If you would truely relax you would be at the center of all teachings. Do not grasp at any thing. There is the the most profound space. There, right here.
I feel as though I had a breakthrough. Last night i was successful in shedding my body, and my identity. I felt what could be described as a universal consciousness of energy. It was crushing me. I felt I was lost entirely and was scared. But then I felt a slight wave in the chaos and I went to it and there I found. Harmony. Thoughts were not of a language but of a frequency. Two ripple in a pond coming together make a 3rd and that is a feeling... an emotion? I found happiness from that. Extreme joy. Like an atom that bonded with another atom; a fundamental property of everything. Then I thought about myself and why I have no harmony int his world. It was a cacophony of what seemed to be randomness. The confusion and uncomfortably returned to me. It was too much to bear. But just before I was sent out. Just a split second I saw something! I saw myself swirling through what felt to my my own consciousness. At the center I saw an orange and dancing shape, like a spindle spinning at that frequency; it tied everything together. When I came back to my body I noticed I moved to that same frequency and my thoughts did too. It took hours to return to my identity and self. it was rough on my body having been gone so long and seen so much. After long thought and sleeping on this it seems as though we are frequencies reacting with other and what comes from that is what or who we are. Does any of this make any sense to any of you? To most people I would sound like a raving lunatic. Please share your thoughts.
The journey, and the path you seek are one in the same. Everything is subject to change. Even your path through life, deep identity, beliefs, values etc. and often this is unexpectedly. Constant change is a huge part of human suffering, and overcoming this is a result of a spiritual life.. Your feelings are normal for such an experience of connecting with the source. An essence of the source is change and growth. We are all deeply intertwined and connected, and losing your identity in the midst of that experience is normal because it is just one of countless ways for your soul to experience the universe. I'm pretty baked at the moment.. Hopefully this makes sense haha
You should try camping and being in tune with nature while you meditate. There's no better setting in my opinion.
