my name's allison. i've never posted in one of these forums before so forgive me if this is a little off or whatever. i just need someone to talk to.... i'm 21, gay, and live in alabama. i've been with the same girl for 3 and a half years now. we got married (as married as a person of my sexual orientation will be able to get in my life time) very young. i was 19, she was 18. since then we've had our in's and out's like any couple, sometimes moreso, but through it all we have loved each other and grown together. some months ago i began to feel that we were too young for something this big. i'm 21! i should be going out with friends, meeting new people, and discovering who i am as a person. it's overwhelming to be married at 21. i feel like a 40 year old sometimes. but the thing about all this is i know, no matter how i feel, i love my wife and want to make our marriage work regardless of the cost. i've been working on myself to make this a happy relationship because i care so much. but... the other day she drops this bombshell on me. she says she's feeling everything i worked through verbatim. the only difference is that she instead of wanting to work on things thinks we should just end it. she's unhappy and has been so for a long time. but she's not unhappy with me. she loves me as much as ever. she said the only way we could make this work in her eyes would be for us to take a break. at first i was unreceptive to this idea. i don't see how running from a problem will fix it. in fact, for me at least, it will only make it worse. but after a few days of thinking on it i decided that if that's what she wants i have to give it to her because i do love her. she said that she just needs a week or two to feel free again and that she knows she will come back to me. so now we're on this break. i don't know how to deal with this. i feel like i must somehow be inadequate. why can't i keep even my wife happy enough to want to stay with me? why is this 3 year relationship so expendable to her when it is so prescious to me? ugh.....
Why can't you do these things while being married? My ex used to say the same thing and it seems a totally invalid argument to me... go out with your friends, meet new people, and definitely discover yourself! All involved in a relationship should enjoy these things and revel in each others experiences, imo. We shouldn't be afraid of change, but welcome it. You two have been together for a while, and I hope everything works out for you. A break can be a good thing, sometimes it makes us realize exactly what we had; but I know what you're going through... insecurity is a bitch!
I know that 9 times out of 10 when the female in the relationship tells the guy she wants a break, it's as good as over. Your situation may be different though, since you're lesbians. Not sure how it would make a difference, but I'm sure it does.
I know exactly how you feel. It happened to me, but my ex-g/f suggested we "take a break". However, we were in a rough spot at the time (created by her) and heading for the worst. I tried so hard, and her just suggesting the whole "take a break" thing crushed me. I started crying and she said that if I wasn't okay with it that we wouldn't do it. She always made sure that I was happy and she didn't do anything to hurt me. I hope your girl does the same for you. I know how it feels to dread losing the most precious thing you have, even though it might not be the case. Maybe you'll both appreciate the love you have for each other even more. I hope everything goes well and you two are very happy. It wasn't the same in my case, and it's still tearing me apart. Best of luck.
Most of the time when someone says they want to take a break it means that they have their own problems that they don't want to involve you in or tell you about. My boyfriend did the same thing to me, and it turns out he was just stressed about certain things in his life and didn't want me to be a part of those things. I gave him a few days and then we talked things out and things are good now. Give her a few days and then try to get her to talk to you about what's going on and ask her what she's unhappy with. If she isn't giving you a good answer then it's not the relationship she's unhappy with. Tell her you'll be there for her no matter what. You two have been together for a long time, so I doubt she'll just walk away like this. I know how this feels, the same things happened to me. Everything will probably be okay so hang in there and I'll be thinking about you.
im actually going throw the same thing, but im the person that wants the break so i can grow, it is a little different because my partner is & older ready to settle down, im not. i want to travel and explore, i wish he wanted to do it with me, than we could explore toghter, but we want 2 different things. if you both want the same things do it together if you want two different things than take time out to do what you both want. but figure out what you want, ask the hard questions talk to each other and go for it. it sounds like you are ment to be toghter.
You can't make it work on your own. You've both got to decide love is something worth persevering for (and yes sometimes it's hard work) and at this point she simply doesn't see it the way you do. Let her go her way. 18 is very young to settle down to something for the rest of your lives. There's so much of yourself to discover yet and I suspect she feels that way. The worse thing you can do is try and make her work at it with you. Love must come from within. It is not something you take but that you give; not something asked for but received. Let her go free and if she truly loves you she will find her way home to you.
